Little did he Know || Tronnor

Chapter 37

Connor

I can see him. I can feel him. He's here. He's alive. Troye is here and he's fine. He still loves me just as I love him.

"What would you do if I died?" I felt myself whisper, the words bouncing off of my lips so fragilely.

We have been home from the police station for well over a week now and to be perfectly honest, it's all been a blur. A perfect blur of happiness and relief. Troye and I have been inseparable the whole time. And by inseparable I mean we can't leave the room without each other kind of inseparable. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that I can't afford him to leave my life again. I can't lose him. He is my everything.

"What would I do if you died?" He fiddled with my hand, rolling it around in his fingers. The question was strange knowing that Troye was the one who was brought near death twice and not myself.

He brought my hand up to his closed lips and ever so lightly placed a kiss to it. My eyes watched his movements as he brought it down to his and intertwined his fingers into mine.

"Well, I don't know what I would done if you died. I don't really want to think about that to be honest. I don't want to think about you being gone. I don't want to think about never being able to see you again. To never be able to feel you again. I don't want to think about that." He responded lightly while bring his free hand up to my jaw and cupping it, making our eyes meet. There was that certain glow in his eyes. I've seen it before, I'm sure of it.

I nodded before leaning into his body, tucking my head into his neck. His warmth was so comforting. It was just what I needed. After being in the dark for so long, I just need to be comforted by his presence.

"What would you say if I proposed an idea to you?" Troye asked from above me, rubbing his hand up and down my back, tracing patterns with his soft fingertips.

I chuckled and took in a breath before turning my head to respond to him.

"Well I wouldn't know what to say until you actually proposed the idea to me." The words rolled off of my lips so smoothly being so content with the position we were in.

"Well I was thinking. I do a lot of that actually, but anyways, I was thinking. What if we went somewhere? I mean what if we actually left and went somewhere new? I don't just mean for a vacation either, I mean, I-I mean for real. I mean moving. I mean moving from California. What if we left?" He nervously whispered, pulling his hands from my body, pulling them to his sides.

"I- what?" I asked. Not because I didn't understand though.

I never thought about that. I never thought about leaving California. I haven't been here long and I already am in love with the state. I don't know why I would ever move from here. Oh wait. I know now. Troye Sivan. Troye Sivan is why I would move from here.

"I, um, why? Why would we leave? We have everything here, our friends, careers, our homes, why?" I ask pulling my head up to connect my eyes to his blue.

"Well.....wouldn't it just be nice to get away? To get away from all the chaos. To be in a quieter place, a safer place. Wouldn't it be good for us? We need to feel security. Security is just what we need right now after being through all of this." He says motioning his hands around. His eyes were bright. He wanted this, it was very clear.

I tilted my head to the side in thought. We have been through a lot. A whole hell of a ton to be honest. Was there really anything more that could faze us by now? I mean look at us. We've been through more in the past half year compared to the rest of our lives. I felt a whole hell of a lot stronger now, mentally and physically. I think we should keep our life here. There is no reason to leave. We're comfortable here. We have a life here, one that we've created just for ourselves.

"Why would we need to 'settle down'?" I ask putting my fingers in the air in quotation mark motions, keeping my voice calm just as he.

"I never said that. I just suggested that we try to find more security, more comfort. And I don't know if it's just me, but I want to become closer to you Connor and I don't want to have the extra distractions of staying here in this never settling city while always having this uneasy feeling inside of me." His voice wavered, turning his head down he covered his face in his palms. He wasn't comfortable. I could feel it. I could hear it in his voice. I just knew he didn't feel safe here. I wouldn't blame him either. It would be frightening and scaring to have been held hostage and see people die under his own gaze. That's a hell of a ton frightening.

"Hey bud" I said, trying to capture his attention and bring his gaze back up to mine. In the end it didn't work and I used my grip to uncover his face and bring his eyes up to meet mine.

"Let's sleep on it. We can talk more about it when we wake up. I know that this is really important to you. I just know Troye. Ok? Let's go get ready to sleep, yeah?" I ask as his eyes start to water more.

There was something here. Something he wasn't telling me. It wasn't bad, but I just knew it was something. I had a pretty damn well idea what it was too. He was scared. He was sad. He just didn't understand. I would be the same way too. I just want the best for him. I always do.

He nodded his head as his eyes watered even more. I did the only thing I could think of and pulling his body into my chest. I traced my fingers through his hair as I tried to comfort him.

"Hey don't cry love. There's no reason to cry. Everything's fine. We're fine. We're together now."

"I-I it's just that I, I love you so much and I-i don't want you to have to go through the same thing I had to go through. I want you to be safe. I want you to be comfortable. I just want what's best for you con." He stuttered out, breaking into quiet tears.

That indeed brought tears to my eyes as well. God I love him so damn much. How the hell did this happen? How did I ever find someone as perfect as him. He was everything I could ever hope for. I have no idea how he ever decided to date me, but I do knew that it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, ever.

"I-I love you Troye. I love you so much. I-I...." I never finished my statement, nor would I that night.

We didn't exchange anymore words as Troye and I got ready to settle for the night. It was just a silent blur, everything was just a blur lately though.

I fumbled with the hem of Troye's shirt as I helped bring it over his head. His eyes immediately connected to mine as soon as the shirt was brought up and away from his eyes. I threw the shirt and look at him a little bit longer. He was so beautiful. I could just sit and admire him for ages to be honest. I took my finger and traced it on his chest, bringing it up to his collar bone and around some more. I looked back into his eyes taking my and away and instead lacing it with his. I gently pulled him over to the bed and pulled the sheet aside, making room for both of us. I didn't look back at him before leaning down and dropping my body to the surface of the mattress. I could feel him behind me as soon as he laid down. He dropped his arm around my body, pulling me to his chest, sending a warm felling through my body. We were fine. We were going to be ok.

A/n: I seem so bland.