The F5 (Fraternal Five)

Scared

"What's on your mind, Papii?" Gun breaks the silence, staring attentively at his boyfriend. After an hour of catching up, the rest was getting tired so they retired to their respective bedrooms, with a promise to pick up where they left off once late morning comes. But Off and Gun decide to linger a little longer, and continue their delayed talk.

"It'll sound cliche but today has been a rollercoaster ride. I can't believe I've gone from believing that this is it, to you moving in with me tomorrow."

Gun solemnly nods. "Any regret?"

"I keep asking myself .... Is this the right thing? What about your grandma and Nong Pim, will they be okay on their own?"

"You're getting cold feet now?" Gun laughs softly. "After all this ... rollercoaster ride?"

"You little." Off growls, giving Gun a possessive peck on the lips. "Not one bit. Have the second bedroom all to yourself, but you're sleeping with me."

"I expected no less." Gun giggles. "And I can visit them just fine. We're in the same city and it's not like your place is far from mine. Honestly, I don't see this as that much of a big deal. I'm rarely home as it is—they won't even realize I'm moving out. But I can see it means a lot to you, Papii." Gun gasps the second he realizes something. "Wow, I sound exactly like Mix! Is he my son or what??"

"You two did get really close these days. But to adopt him into our family tho ...."

"Yeah? What about it?!"

"No, I like him! I just ... I dunno how Earth would feel seeing us babying his baby, Teacup." Off smiles softly.

Gun sighs. "Yeah, I forgot he's your doppelganger in terms of possessiveness."

Off looks unsure. "Uh, is that a bad thing?"

"Papii you're cute when you care but no need to walk on eggshells with me!" Gun groans. "I don't bite ... unless you ask really nicely." He adds winking.

Off chuckles leaning back, looking considerably more relaxed. "I appreciate you, Teacup, you know that? And let's go together. Don't want your family to think I steal you away from them."

"Wow, a family man. Hot." Gun licks his lips suggestively. "No, scratch that. Sizzling."

"Am I a steak or what??" Off grumbles, then falls silent all too abruptly. Minutes passed, as Gun waits patiently for him to organize his thoughts, then he eventually prompts, "Hey, so ... Oab mentioned something you need to tell me personally."

Gun's breath hitches, understanding dawns on his face. He moves closer to the edge of his seat, leaning toward Off. "You want to have this conversation now? Here?" Not a hint of defensiveness, he asks gently.

"Is this a bad time?" Off looks around the empty living room. "Bad place? You wanna take this to our room?"

Gun sighs. "Not particularly, no ... just ... please, please don't overreact. It's really not as huge as it sounds."

"You know I can't promise anything." Off smiles weakly. "But I'll try."

"I quit my couple project." Gun pauses, letting it sink in. "OabGun is no more."

Off jumps up. "Gun, what???"

Gun returns his gaze defiantly. "So never again question your worth, Papii. I will always choose you in a heartbeat. Well—in weeks, technically—but still." He shrugs, already back to his cheeky self.

"You've been planning this for—wait, no, pull back." Off holds out his hands, baffled. "When did I ever ask you to quit? To choose, at all?"

"Papii, my fans don't harass you." Gun states flatly. "It's OabGun shippers. And I've decided that I don't want you to suffer at my expense anymore. I owe you at least this much, Pii." He smiles, beckoning Off back to his seat.

"But is it wise, though, jeopardizing your whole career for me?"

"Rude! Don't underestimate my personal brand, Papii!" Even as he protests, Gun's smile is reassuring. "It's not the end of me yet, see." He then adds a playful wink.

"But, but ... won't they get even madder if they find out I'm the reason you quit?"

"They don't have to know." Gun winks at Off's direction. "We can always share only things we wanna share."

So, that talk .... "That was his farewell gift for you." Off muses absentmindedly.

"Sorry, what was?"

"Never mind." Off sports a mysterious smile. For taking care of Gun until the end, thank you kindly, Oab.

But it's my turn now.

"Gun." Off holds Gun's gaze, determination in his eyes. "I'm very flattered. Still, can I use the 'be selfish with you' card and ask you to please reconsider it?"

Gun groans. "You're not playing fair, Papii."

"Please, baby? Oab is a good guy; I trust him." Off caresses the side of Gun's face. "And above all, I trust you."

"Papii, you sly guy!" Gun whimpers.

"Well?" Off smirks, not backing down.

Finally, Gun sighs. "Well ... if you're absolutely sure ... then okay."

"I am." Off nods firmly. "And Pak? What of him?"

Gun's body turns rigid at the mention of his ex's name. "He got the message, or so he said, but frankly? I wouldn't hold my breath." He rolls his eyes annoyed.

"No—I mean—is he alright?" Off asks, unsure.

"Oh. Peachy." Gun answers flatly, and stops at that. It's clear that he's not too eager to further discuss about the guy.

"You promised to take me with you." Off states carefully.

Gun looks down. Not saying a word, he just stays like that for a good while.

"Gun?" Off calls out again, softly.

"And if it doesn't work out? What then?" Gun sounds so sad, it catches Off off guard.

"Hey, look at me." Off lifts Gun's chin and his eyes meet those of a scared little boy. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm just ... I don't know why it's so important to you, he's ... he's not a part of me. If he refuses to behave, to ... to give us closure, will you refuse to be with me, too?"

"What the fuck, Gun? Who told you that bullshit?!" Off growls, enveloping Gun's shaking shoulder tightly. "If he refuses to behave, that's his problem, not ours, and sure as fuck not mine!"

Gun sobs into Off's chest. "He ruins me. Even now, when we're not together anymore. When my feelings for him are long gone. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't go back on my own word, I just ... I-I can't help but got scared ... that he'll forever have a hold on me."

"Hush, baby." Off gently strokes Gun's back. "I'm sorry, too, yeah? I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. And I know it was just your anxiety speaking but, frankly? It still ticks me off how little faith you have in me."

"No! I didn't mean it like that!" Gun draws back, panicking. "No, what have I done? I've let my insecurities hurt you again, haven't I? Ugh, why am I such a fool!"

"Gun. I don't like you calling my loved one names." Off warns sternly.

"I'm ... sorry." Gun looks down again, dejected.

"Just, it's fine if you understand. Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" Off cradles Gun's face in my hand and looks him straight in the eye, making sure he know he means every word. "Thank you for being vulnerable with me, I really appreciate it. I don't care what he'd do, as long as I'm here, I won't let him ruin you anymore. So don't be scared, okay?" He fights the ridiculously strong urge to pull Gun back into a hug just until Gun gives a ginger nod. As if there's not enough of time, not enough of Gun for him. As if making up for all the distance when they're apart, more figuratively than literally.

Gun returns the hug, just as hungrily. "Promise?" Without letting go, he looks up, pouting.

"Promise." Off kisses the pout to seal it.