Give Life Meaning...

Alina Sarah Rogers

     Tony still wasn't on board with raising kids in the tower, but at the moment, the Avengers didn't have any place to send them. Laura had called and put Tony firmly in his place about trying to separate the four. While also chewing him out for just volunteering Clint to adopt the two. Tony was not put in his place, perse, just gone quiet until he could figure out a better argument. Natasha wasn't adjusting well, even a week into it, and though she tried to hide it, two could clearly see it. Steve and Clint had an easier time with the kids, Clint had three at home, and Steve seemed to be able to roll with the changes. Steve got up with the kids, and while not necessarily a couple, Natasha had been staying in his room so they could be around the kids. Both slept in the bed with them, but Steve easily got up and met their needs.  

     Natasha struggled to figure out why they were upset, and she had to follow the suggestions from the pediatrician to feed them to get their weight where it should be. She was disappointed and angry that it wasn't easier on her. It was getting harder to hide the dark circles under her eyes, and her patience was wearing thin with everyone around her. They had discovered that while they were essentially babies, the super soldier serum made them, unlike other babies. They were stronger than the average two-year-old. Their senses were stronger. Alina, in particular, didn't nap long, and they were unsure if it was because they didn't require it or if it was just a survival instinct. It wasn't that Alina left the bed. She never left her brother's side. It was just that after monitoring, she woke up and stayed very still that they realized she woke up consistently shortly after being laid to nap. 

     Neither of them smiled, and Natasha swore while James held a sad look. Alina scowled. She was learning them slowly, while Steve seemed to excel in it, and she wondered if there was really any of her in them. She sat on the floor with Alina showing her a block and trying to get her to engage in playtime. The Pediatrician and Bruce said it would be good for them to be introduced to toys and safe things. They needed to feel safe, which Natasha was familiar with, but it was completely different when trying to convince a child. Natasha had been alone with Alina for the afternoon, and Steve had taken James for a brief walk around the compound. It was also suggested to show them it was safe to be separated for a short while. Alina slowly allowed it to happen over the week, and the length of his absence depended solely on how long someone could keep Alina distracted. 

     "Okay, sweetheart," Natasha cooed, picking up another block to stack. She sighed, noting the total lack of interest in Clint's colorful blocks. He was with James trying to spend time with each child alone, with one of them around. In truth, Clint was probably the only one to be with the kids, Bruce too, but he was not likely to watch them. She more or less trusted him to tell her if she was doing something wrong with the kids. Steve wasn't cavalier about the kids being away from either of them either. Natasha looked at the array of toys that were beginning to clutter Steve's usually immaculate room. In fact, before Nat and the kids started crashing there, people could have looked in and sworn no one lived there. She reached out for a magnetic drawing board and brought it to Alina. It was obnoxiously pink, and there were two knobs of red and green to choose what color to draw in. She remembered seeing them as kids; they were black lines on a gray background. Sometimes, it was like a red tablet around it, but this... "What about this?" 

     Natasha watched as Alina's similarly green eyes lit up with curiosity. She began to reach for it and touch the toy. Nat felt her heart skip a beat as she watched Alina's tiny hands wrap themselves around the little stylus and put it on the screen. A soft 'ooh' sound escaped the girl as she shifted closer to the tablet. Without realizing what she was doing, Nat brought out her phone and began recording Alina. The girl was enthralled with the tablet. It wasn't electric, it wasn't cartoons, it was a magnetic drawing board, and it was enough. She watched as Alina drew simple lines, a hint of a smile curling the little corners of her mouth. "You're just like your Dad," she told the little girl. Steve had been a studying artist before becoming Captain America. He occasionally still drew, but the fact that the first thing their daughter showed interest in was a drawing board made Natasha smile. 

     Alina drew a few more lines before showing it to Natasha, looking almost proud of her work, and Natasha smiled encouragingly. "You're doing so well!" Then, somewhat unexpectedly, Alina looked up at Natasha and grinned toothily. Natasha gasped, taken aback by the complete joy that had enveloped the girl's face. The haunted stare was awash in a happy glow for a moment as she went back to drawing on the tablet. There was a renewed vigor in her unpracticed movements. Unbeknownst to her, Clint had peeked in and caught the moment with his phone. Seeing both Alina's first smile and Natasha's responding grin. 

     Natasha had not realized she was crying until Alina stood up and touched her cheek, the little girl staring at her hand and then back up at Natasha. The happiness was still there but clouded with confusion, and Natasha smiled at her, reaching for the little girl and kissing the crown of her head. "It's okay, sweetheart. They're happy tears," her voice cracked as she let the emotion wash over her. A week of playing, of finding routines, of late nights. Days of feeling like she wasn't enough for the kids, a week of being upset that it seemed easier for Steve, a man from the forties than it was for her. Alina gifted her with a smile over a stupid plastic drawing tablet. 

    "Nat?" Steve's voice broke through her thoughts as he entered with James in his arms. He had walked into the room to see Natasha crying and holding their daughter. He hadn't gotten her to talk about what was bothering her, but Clint had an idea. She turned to look at a broad smile on her face as Alina turned towards Steve and squirmed in Nat's arms. 

     "She smiled at me! Alina smiled at me!" Steve grinned at Nat's evident excitement over the action. For most parents, it happened eventually, but their daughter and Bucky's son suffered so much that he had been worried. What if the trauma they had suffered was too much and the damage permanent? No one had been able to answer him other than children were resilient. "You smiled at mama?" He had used those words hoping the kids would associate her with that, as their mother, carer, and protector. Alina moved to the tablet, grunting a bit as she leaned over, lifted the oversized thing, and walked over to him. 

     "Did you do something?" Steve bent down and froze for a moment, realizing she had drawn something on the tablet. She was proudly showing him what she did on it. Alina had been reserved. She never showed what they were doing if she and James did something. "You drew this?" He was aware that his voice dipped low as emotion swamped him. Alina nodded and then graced him with a smile. Steve felt the air leave his body, tears springing to his own eyes. 

     "It's great, Princess," he told her, holding his hand to her, watching her take it, and leading her into a careful hug. Steve looked over Alina's small shoulder to meet Natasha's eyes for the first time since it all began. It almost felt like it was going to be okay. James still hadn't shown interest in anything, but if Alina showed interest in something, there was still hope.