Give Life Meaning...

Time Out

Natasha was ready to set up an intervention for Steve if the man didn't start sleeping more. If she guessed he slept only three hours a night if that long. She was determined to catch him, but he was there when she fell asleep, and probably turned off the alarms she tried to set to see him. The man was intelligent, she would give him that. Natasha contemplated just not going to sleep but he'd use it as an excuse not to sleep as well. A few weeks had already passed since they had moved in, sure it was nerve-wracking because the assassin, whoever he was, was still out there. Not to mention the situation was scarier now that Steve wasn't acting like himself. Sure he put on a good facade for the twins and was the same as he ever was around the others. The fearless, sure leader that the Avengers had come to depend on. 

Natasha was nearly certain that the man she loved was slowly becoming a shell of himself. His eyes shined less, and smiles were more forced. It was almost like when they met for the first time. His emotions were being safely guarded, but Natasha could see the cracks and they were getting wider. One night when she was sure the twins would be all right, she waited for Steve to slip from the bed as he inevitably did. She waited until he was down the hall before quietly slipping out of bed, her footsteps silent on the plush carpet. Natasha nabbed her watch to communicate with Jarvis if she had to. Slipping on a pair of worn sneakers she also grabbed Steve's coat that lay abandoned. He had continued his trek outside, and she let out a soft curse knowing that it would be harder to follow him into the night. There was still snow on the ground and it would no doubt crunch under her feet no matter how careful she was. 

Steve had made it passed the stonewall around the perimeter of what would be considered their yard. Natasha hadn't woken up, and the twins hadn't even stirred. He was relieved, mostly that the twins usually slept through his slipping out. Once they were up it was a really difficult time to get them back to sleep. He glanced back towards the house, none of the alert lights had gone off so all he saw was the inky blackness of the back of his house. He was starting to make nightly rounds around the perimeter of their property. Most nights he could finish the entire property before the sun rose but he was aware that he was slowing down. Even with the serum he needed to sleep at some point. 

He began to jog, never noticing the lithe figure beginning to follow him through the dark, and later Steve would speculate it was because he felt safe in her presence. He made it to the lake not even breathing hard before turning to follow the shore stopping only when he heard a soft curse, his jog slowing to a stop and turning. Steve went still with shock seeing Natasha standing in silk pajama pants, his jacket that was nowhere near warm enough for outside, and wearing worn tennis shoes. Her hair was falling neatly in place, which meant there had been no tossing and turning. There was a weird mix of annoyance and pride that she had found a way to catch him in the act. Steve had undone countless alarms and figured out all of her tricks to catch him. Apparently, the lack of sleep was getting to him, he never suspected she'd actively stay up and wait him out.  

"What are you doing out here? What about the twins?" The reminder as to why he was running the perimeter of the property struck him in the face. If they were both out of the house who was with the twins? If she caught him that meant there had been no time to call anyone over to the house. The calm redhead merely lifted up her hand, flashing a wrist. 

"Jarvis, what is the status of the twins?" She asked, her silk over his fraying nerves. Yet, as much as her voice soothed it shot anxiety through him. 

"The twins are sound asleep and there are no cause of concern around the home Ms. Romanoff," Jarvis spoke, his calm voice irritating Steve further. 

"You left the twins alone!" Steve turned to fully face her, his body tense as he processed what that meant. The twins were blissfully asleep, but that did not mean they wouldn't wake up. Or, what if, while they were out there someone started to break into the home? "What happens if that guy comes back!?" His voice grew deeper with his brewing rage. A rage he'd found since the incident happen. Since the moment the assassin broke the sanctity of their home, they hadn't even gotten to break in. 

"I know that they're safe Steve, and I figured I'd get you back to the house before either one woke up," Natasha's voice was still calm, but he caught her eyes flashing in a bit of warning. Steve knew that he was being unfair towards her. His lack of sleep and eating wasn't on her. It wasn't even the twin's fault but the people that continued to come after the twins. 

"You can't leave them alone Nat! What if he came back, huh? What if more of them came this time? You just left our kids alone!" Steve fairly growled, she remained unmoved by his display of temper and that seemed to merely break him further. 

"You expect me to leave you out here to run around all night? Pretend like you're okay when clearly you're not?" Natasha took a step towards him slowly, Steve felt like he was under interrogation and didn't like it. 

"I expect you to let me do what I have to! All that I'm doing is protecting our kids from the maniacs that would torture them, again," Steve stood his ground, making no real effort to back away from her but not going to her either. He could just make out her features in the dark, his eyes sharper as she approached. "You're being so irresponsible by leaving them!" Steve could see the hesitation and uncertainty in her gaze and latched onto it immediately. There was a stirring of guilt in his chest for going at her like he was. 

"If something happens to them it's because you left them alone, and defenseless," Steve pressed, his lip curling in distaste as the ever helpful friendly AI interrupted. 

"Actually sir, I would let you know there is an approaching threat and alert the others immediately," when Steve thought he was finished, Jarvis continued. "I would also alert you if the twins woke up." Apparently, even the AI felt as if he needed to put his two cents in. 

"Steve, I get it, okay?" Natasha had been approaching him as if he was an easily startled animal. At the moment he might as well have been, he was seeking to hurt her without doing any lasting damage. The man had been living with with this building anxiety and it was beginning to crush him. She could remember the days that felt like a lifetime ago when he would wake up due to nightmares. Due to the memories of crashing into the water, fighting in WWII, and losing Bucky. It seemed like instead of moving forward they were regressing. "I would do anything, and everything, to keep those two safe. You can't do this to yourself. You have to sleep and eat. You can't always be waiting for the next shoe to drop." He was building up momentum, she knew that, to argue against everything she had. 

"It's my job to protect the three of you," Steve announced, and it broke Natasha's heart hearing him declare it. He wasn't saying it because he lacked faith in her but because he was afraid of losing this tenuous life they had built for themselves. 

"You can't do that if you can't see straight! You're a super soldier, Steve, which is the only reason you're still standing. You're still human, and this is getting to you," Natasha gestured to their surroundings. "We've put every safety measure that could possibly be made into place. You have to trust that they'll do their jobs! You have to sleep or the day we really get into trouble you won't be able to." As far as she was aware he wouldn't be able to get sick, which was a plus, but that didn't mean his body wouldn't try to shut down on them. 

"So, what? What do you want me to do?" Steve bit out, and Natasha realized that as exhausted as his brain was, the logical side was still at work. It was probably working overtime to beat out the loud stubborn side. Natasha finally made it directly in front of him and held out her hands palms up. 

"Come home, stay in bed with us," she cajoled, watching his hands move automatically. His large, strong hands held on tightly to hers. "They need you. I need you." Natasha added softly, watching him inhale sharply at those words. He was nothing if not a family man, and if his kids needed him he'd move heaven and earth. Natasha had seen him jump head-first into fatherhood simply because the twins needed someone. Natasha brought his hands up and pressed her lips to the back, marveling at their strength. 

"What if he comes back?" Steve whispered into the night, faint clouds of breath being carried away on the breeze. 

"Then we take him on together," she told him gently, his stubborn side was holding on. Natasha guessed she couldn't have expected him to give up so easily. "We fight together. We put the twins in the safety room, lock them in, and take the bastard down." That wasn't the plan put in place but she wanted to talk Steve out of his head, not force him further in it. A particularly cold gust of wind caused her to shudder quite fiercely. 

"Let's get you out of the cold," Steve muttered knowing that the wind of the lake was making it more bitterly cold. He pulled his hand away to wrap around her shoulders to offer his body heat and moved them back towards the house. He was using the well-used path instead of his original route. Natasha reveled at the fact he had placed his arm around her, reached up to take his hand, and allowed the snuggle. 

"I'm only out here because you quit talking to me," that came out a bit more bitter than she had meant it to. Natasha knew that Steve was trying to be the strong one despite having lectured her quite frequently at the beginning of their relationship about her talking. "That wasn't fair... I know this is scary Steve. I'm terrified but arguably they are well protected. We have Avengers surrounding us and Jarvis keeping a constant lookout. Not much will get past our defenses and we'll have plenty of time to get ready and warn the others. Not to mention be able to stash the babies in the safe room." There was truth to her words. There were more monitors, movement-sensitive lights, and Jarvis. Jarvis was a constant in their life after essentially being jumped into their new home. Luckily all the damage had been outside on the property and not inside. Though, Natasha thought with a grin, they certainly made use of the floor. 

"I'll do better," Steve spoke, his words held an edge and Natasha realized he was making a silent promise. If nothing else Steve rarely ever broke his word and this was a way to force him to actually make an effort in talking to her about everything. 

Stepping into the house brought a sigh of relief from her lips. "Home sweet home," she smiled softly as Steve helped take the jacket off and hang it up. "Definitely warmer." Natasha gasped when Steve twirled her into his arms, feeling a hand go up her back and into her hair. 

"I love you," Steve spoke gruffly, lowering his lips to capture hers before they went to bed. 

"Love you too, Cap," Natasha spoke softly back, bringing her hands up and catching his belt loops and keeping her close.