EXO IMAGINES

-39- Frost

Member: Xiumin
Admin: Phoeb
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I'm going to die. It's as simple as that. The thought makes my heart feel hollow, but what can I do?

I drag one foot up out of the snow. SNOW! It's only October. I lifted my leg for it to move forward and feel it sink again into the whiteness. I pray that it will find solid ground and not a bottomless crevice.

My foot touches down on something hard. I know that not because I feel it land - I don't - but because I'm lifting my left leg, which I could only do it if my right foot were firmly planted. I force myself to plod on. I have no idea where I am, except that it's somewhere in the interior. At least, I think it is.

I have no idea how long I've been here.

I have no idea what direction I'm going to or what direction I should be going in.

I have no idea how far I've gone or how far I need to go.

The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm not going to make it.

I know my feet are down there at the ends of my legs, but I can't feel them. I can't see them either. I can't see anything except white, and I don't know if the white I see is snow or my eyes blinding. My eyes are burning. They're also watering, and that make me afraid that they will freeze solid in my head. I've stopped shivering, but I can't decide if that's good or bad. At first when the shivering stopped, I ached all over. I know what that's from, it's muscle fatigue from so much violent trembling or pain from the cold.

Either way, it scares me because all I can think of is the amount of energy I'm expending. It takes a while before I realise I'm not cold anymore. Maybe the snow is insulating me. Or maybe..maybe when you stop shivering when your body temperature falls below a certain point.

I'm going to die.
So why don't I surrender? Why don't I stop slogging through snow that's up to my knees, making each step feel like the equivalent of ten? Why don't I sit down and give in to it? The snow is soft. But it's thick too. If I lie on it, it will definitely feel like a feather mattress or at least like what I imagine a feather mattress would feel like.

I could stretch out and relax myself into the next world, assuming there is a next world. It wouldn't hurt. That's what they say anyway. They say when you freeze to death, you just lie down and go to sleep, and the next thing you know (except you don't really know since you're already dead by then), you're gone. You've slipped away. Passed over. Ventured to the land from which no one has ever returned.

I drag my foot up again and coax it to take another step. Come on, leg. Don't fail me now. Don't let it end this way, in the middle of no where I'll never be found.

I think that's what keeps me moving, the thought of never being found. That and the fact that I've never been known to back down, let along surrender. And the fact that the one thing I do know is why I'm here. I'm here to find him.

I take another step. I think about the Major and everything he's tried to pound into my head for the last nineteen years. If there's one thing the Major hates, it's a quitter. He says no one was born composing symphonies. Everyone has to start somewhere. You have to walk before you can run. Every journey starts with the first step. And continues with the next and then the next. You have to stick to it. They didn't put a man on the moon by giving up after the first rocket fizzled. Wars aren't won by armies who are prepared to surrender after the first defeat.

I pick up my foot again. I still can't feel it, by which I mean I can't tell if I'm actually wiggling my toes or if I just think I'm wiggling toes that are way past being able to wiggle no matter what orders the brain sends down the line. But I do know that someone must have tied a couple of cement bricks to each of my ankle since I can barely lift my feet. After a couple more steps, I sink to my knees. I'm done. My goose is baked, as the Major would say. I can think of another way to put it, but the Major has this thing about four-letter words. He says anyone who uses them is displaying the pathetic state of his vocabulary. If he hears one, he sends me to the dictionary to find five alternatives. If he were a drill sergeant, the army would be a whole different place.

The wind sweeps snow over me as I try to breathe rhythmically, a trick I was taught to keep myself calm. It's not long before I'm up to my thighs in snow, and it's funny how it makes me feel warm. I crouch down until I'm sitting on my heels. I tell myself that it's just for a few minutes, that all I need to do is catch my breath. I feels good to be resting. It feels really good.

My head jerks up, and I realise I've been asleep. I panic and try to scramble to my feet but end up facedown in the snow instead. I panic again. It's something I'm getting good at, getting panic over small things.

I push myself up to a squatting position, which sounds like it should be easy to do but isn't. From there I try to stand up. I fall again. Darkness envelopes me, darkness of horror. I really am going to die. If I don't get up and get going, it really will be over. Another thing the Major likes to say 'you can't win if you don't try your best.'

You can't get away if you don't take at least one step Y/N, I tell myself.

I manage to stand. I sway against the wind and the snow. I feel dizzy. I'm going to fall again.

And then something kicks in. It's not a survival instinct. Instead, it's what I've been told is my worst quality and my principal character defect: need to get even. I may not know where I am or how I got here or more importantly, how I'm going to get out of here. But I remind myself that I do know why I'm here. I take a step. I know why I'm here and I know what I'm supposed to do here. I'm supposed to get him back. I'm supposed to find him and ask him back to the mortal world. I don't want to fail and get people saying I screwed up once again. I don't want people to say I'll screw up forever.

That's not gonna happen. I didn't screw up this time, or rather, I haven't, YET. I take another step. It isn't any easier, but I don't even think about stopping or resting. Another Major-ism 'you can rest when you're dead.' I'm not taking the fall for this. I am not going gentle into this miserable night. Not me. Not Y/F/N. After taking another few steps, I fall again. This time round, I couldn't move, no matter how hard I try, I couldn't. I'm doom. My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier and the last thing I see before I blackout, is that the wind has became less strong and the snow around me is becoming lesser and lesser.

I opens up my eyes, looking around and scanning the surrounding, finding a guy squatting near my legs and his hand is on my ankle. I have no idea how long I've been sleeping or if I'm dead and imagining a guy is with me. I'm no longer at that place, the place with only snows and wind. I should be covering by snow right now, but when I raise my hand and take a look, it's perfectly find with my usual skin tone. Looking down at the guy again, the little snow on my legs started to melt. He is supernatural... "W-who a-are you?" I asked, still shivering a bit. Wait, shivering? Am I recovering? The guy look up at me and my eyes was wide open. He's here...Xiumin is here...the one that I'm here for...

"Stand up" he said. I look at him confusedly, I can't even stand please. He held my arm and pull me up. Surprisingly, I can stand without wobbling. "I-but why?" I ask, looking at my feet amusingly. "Y-you healed me...g-gomawo..." I said as tears forming in my eyes unintentionally. "Go back with me please.." I pleaded, my eyes locking on to his. His grip on my arm tightened. "N-" I immediately knew he's gonna reject me, but I trued hard not to let that happen as I pulled him in for a sudden kiss. I was planning to just give a peck buty lips just made it turn passionate automatically. Pulling away, I said, "Oppa...jebal.." doing some failed aegyo. Sighing, he pulled me by my wrist and walk out of the what-seems-to-be-a-cave place. With him, I didn't feel cold even though we're walking on the same ground that are filled with snow. Maybe I am hallucinating, or maybe...is because he's holding me. || END ||