Constellations

lacerta

Felix noticed.

Of all the things he could have recognized, the change in my demeanor whenever I knew I was going to see Ruelle at some point in the day was not at the top of the list. He hasn't confronted me about it yet, per se. Only small, neutral remarks have told me that he knows the friendship between me and Rue has grown since that night at the bar.

He knows about that too. One of his friends that was there that night was outside taking a smoke break when we took off. He told Felix what he saw and when he asked me about it, he didn't seem mad. Then again, he didn't seem all that happy either. But he knows how much I dislike when he's drunk so he forgave me for it. His quick and easy forgiveness didn't raise a single suspicious flag, the entirety of our relationship has been simply apologize and forgive. Neither one of us has really done anything terrible enough that we can't come back from.

That's what I like about being with him. As miserable as I may think it is, I know if I ever broke things off, the chances of me getting something this easy won't be so high. Why destroy something that's perfectly fine?

The only alarming thing he's said to me is that he feels like I'm avoiding him. That may partially be true, so I'm going on a date with him tonight to prove that I'm doing the exact opposite.

Having my cake and eating it too.

To get me in a more amped up mood before our date, I'm spending about an hour at Rue's house. If anyone can bring a genuine smile out of me, it's her.

Not to say that my boyfriend doesn't make me happy. Of course he does.

"We're going to this upscale restaurant," I answer absentmindedly as I try to guess how many frickin' tabs are in this Coke bottle. There's got to be fifty of them at least.

"You don't seem that excited." I look up into the mirror in front of me to get a good look at the reflection of Ruelle perched at the end of her bed. Her quizzical look begs for my elaboration.

I'd rather not. "Because it's not a bar, obviously," I chuckle.

"Yeah, because you'd sooo much rather spend your time squeezed into a tiny space. Have you forgotten how we became friends already?" She gives me that 'really' glance that tells me she isn't taking the playful bait I'm throwing. Much like the few people that really know me, she can tell that this relationship has only fulfilled a fraction of me. Maybe not even that.

Confirming my thoughts, she murmurs in a more somber voice, "Elara, I know it's not the location you're dreading."

I take a long huff and wheel myself around in her desk chair to look at her. "Is it that obvious?"

She rises from the bed and begins to doddle around her room. "To me, yes. To him, he'll probably be too busy looking at himself on his phone screen to notice." Her doddling ultimately brings her in front of me. I laugh at her true remark. I've caught him a few times using his phone screen to make sure his hair looks okay.

Her eyes lay on me heavily. The weight brings a burdened sight to my lips. "He doesn't notice. That's all that matters, right?"

"What matters is that you actually like who you're dating," She contradicts me and brings herself down to my level. Now I'm a little taller than her but the weight in her eyes never lifts itself off of me.

I force myself to look away. Twiddling with my thumbs instead to give my eyes something to loom over. "Why can't I be in a relationship for its benefits? Like security. Married couples do it all the time."

I don't even have to look at Rue to know that there's confusion appearing on her face. "You wanna know the difference between you and a woman in a miserable marriage? You are not forty and you're not tied down to this guy with babies and real estate and dogs and shit. You're seventeen, Elara. You're the girl these women envy."