i know // jeremiah fisher

LXXIX - Want

Much needed crying and much needed pizza changed our night around.

I think everyone silently agreed that Susannah isn't dead yet, she's here, we're here, and that's all we really need.

The dinner table is full of smiles in every direction. Surprise, even Conrad.

It's my turn to sneak loving touches under the table. My hand intertwined with Jeremiah's as we continue eating.

He took off his tux jacket a while ago, and I've learned to appreciate how good he looks in just his button up.

We clear the table and go upstairs to our rooms.

I cant help myself, with all the thoughts storming around in my mind. I untuck my journal from its hiding spot and sit down on my bed with a freshly sharpened pencil.

I write down everything.

Everything.

I look up and the clock reads 11:51

Shit, how long was I writing?

I flip through too many pages all filled with writing from the past two and a half hours.

I'm still all dolled up which means I can't sleep yet.

I walk into my bathroom and brush through my hair and wipe my makeup off.

However, Mom must've had some pent-up anger when tying the dress straps because I cannot get the knot out.

Shoot.

I think for a minute, everyone is dead asleep in this house.

"Jere?" I whisper in his doorway, slowly walking towards his bed.

"What's up?" He turns.

I gasp a little, "Jeez, scared me. I didn't think you were awake still."

"Couldn't sleep." He shrugs. "You're still in your dress?"

"I- um, I can't get it off." I admit. "Could you uh, could you help?"

"Yeah, no yeah, sure." He stutters, standing up.

I flip on the light switch and walk closer. "It's the straps I can't undo the knots." I say, slightly embarrassed.

"I've got you." He says and starts fiddling with them.

My skin shivers at his touch.

I try to focus my breathing, my hearts racing. Now, tonight, is not the time.

He gets one and the strap falls before I can catch the dress. I quickly pull the side back up over my chest.

"Sorry." He whispers hoarsely.

"It's okay." I whisper back.

He moves onto the next strap.

"Got it." He warns before letting go.

I hold the dress up on my chest with my hands.

"Y/n.." He says, looking me dead in the eyes, then down at my lips.

"No, I don't- I don't want to be that person. You really need someone right now and I'm not gonna take advantage of that." I promise.

He shakes his head, "That's not why."

"Jere," I start.

"That's not why." He says, more sternly. "I need you. But that's not why."

"I don't want you to need me." I say. "I want you to want me."

"I want you." He says slowly.

And that's it. His hands replace mine on my dress, before lowering to my waist.

My arms are wrapped around his neck.

The rest is history.