Facing My Demons (Devil's Right Hand MC #1)

Chapter 8

Trigger warning: this chapter eludes to SA but so specific details; however, there is strong discussion about suicidal ideation.

Suicide Prevention Hotline - 988

Wolf's POV

I couldn't shake the deep feeling of dread that settled in my gut. It's 730, CC's shift is over, but she hasn't been to see Grease yet. I tried to tell myself I was being a psycho, but I couldn't fight the feeling that something is wrong – very wrong. 

    As I sat in Grease's room, totally oblivious to the conversations going on around me, I thought back to the look on CC's face when we were in the stairwell today. She lied through her teeth when she told me she was okay, but it's not my place to push her. Technically she is nothing to me. But deep down she is occupying every corner of my mind. That's because she's everything to you. My mind reminds me.

Fuck it. I don't care if it makes me a creepy stalker. I cannot shake the feeling she needs me right now, so I have to go find her. One thing I have learned by living this kind of life is that bad shit happens when you don't follow your gut. 

    Which is how I end up on the roof, watching CC standing on the ledge shaking like a leaf. If she doesn't get down soon, her shaking is sure to cause her to fall. That's probably her goal. My mind reminds me once again.

    I knew something bad was going to happen, but I didn't expect this. I thought I would have to save her from someone but now I have to save her from herself.

    "CC, what are you doing?" I asked slowly walking towards her.  

    "Leave me alone, Wolf," she tries to sound authoritative, but she just sounds broken as she stares at the river, her back still facing me. 

    "I don't think I can do that. Why don't you tell me what you are doing up there, CC?" I asked, trying to inch closer to her. I don't want to move too quickly and spook her, but I also need to be closer in case she tries to jump or falls. 

    "I don't deserve to be here," she answers so low I almost didn't hear her. 

    "Why would you think that?" I ask, inching a little closer. 

    "I am too crazy. I am too lazy. I am too fucked-up. I'm not worth anything. I'm just a waste of space." She's still shaking but her crying is now silent, she seems calm, eerily calm. 

    "Now who told you that?" I just need to stall her until I can get close enough to grab her. Just a few more feet to go, but I have to hurry this up. Even though she is still shaking she sounds sure, like her mind is already made up. 

    "Fa-," she starts but then stops, "I just know I am." 

    "You know what I do for a living?" I ask trying to distract her as I move closer, "I'm a bounty hunter. Me and a couple of the guys run a bondsmen's business across town. It is literally my job to read people, to be able to know everything about a person just by their actions. You know what I see when I look at you?" I am a little more than an arm's length away from her now, but I can see her shaking intensify. 

    "I see the most beautiful, strongest girl I've ever met. I know you're strong because you have been fighting this for a very long time, I could tell from the second I met you. You have fought it for this long, CC, don't let it win." 

    "That's the point!" she screams as she inches closer to the edge, "I have been fighting this for so long and it didn't even happen, I made it up." 

    "Made what up?" I ask desperately as her toes are now hanging over the edge of the ledge, "what do you believe happened?" 

    "I thought he rapped me," she mumbles as I feel a fire running through me. The fact that someone would touch any woman against their will enraged me – but some fucker had the audacity to touch my woman. I'm going to tear them apart limb by limb. But then I realized what she said.