Lost

Chapter 32

                        ELLIE JONES

Remember when I said that I wasn't sure if he is willing to jump into the depths of my heart for me? Well, it turns out I was deeply mistaken. We were both willing to jump in, though it's a shame that neither of us could save the other from drowning.

For now, the only feeling I have is... you know the feeling where you're just lying in bed and never want to get up? That's me right now and has been me for the past few days. I refuse to leave, and I refuse to do anything. I can only think of what went wrong. I hug his jacket close to my heart, inhaling his scent, the only thing that really brought me any comfort at the moment.

"Ellie?" I hear my mother knock on my bedroom door. "You can't stay like this forever, you have to come out eventually," she tells me. Well then can eventually come later? I roll to my side, my eyes red and puffy from how many times I've cried.

"Just leave me alone mum," I reply, not having the energy to care.

All of a sudden, I hear a knocking on my window, which makes me walk over and pull the curtains back. This has got to be a joke.

"Alfie?" I pull my windows up. He is the last person I expected to see. "You don't have to talk, I just want to make sure that you're okay," he tells me as he climbs into my room. I want to tell him to leave, but since when has that worked? Besides, I really have nothing else to lose at this point. I lie back down on my bed and he sits down next to me.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asks. "I need a drink," I tell him. I don't want to get drunk, but I want things to be less...clear, and maybe with a drink, some of the pain will go away.

"If I get you a bottle, will you tell me what's going on?" He asks. I look over and nod. He gestures to the window to tell me he's leaving the same way he came in and tells me to wait for him. I don't really have anywhere else I have to go, so I wait. I continue facing the ceiling, which has proven to be my biggest companion recently. I think that ceiling has seen more of my tears and heard more of my cries compared to anyone else.

After about half an hour, my window opens and I see Alfie with two bottles of beer and a sandwich. "Can't have beer on an empty stomach right?" He says, using his teeth to open the bottle before handing me the beer and the sandwich. I chug down a mouthful of alcohol, letting the bittersweet taste run down my throat before taking a huge bite of the sandwich.

"He left me," I whisper, a single tear falling. This is the first time since that day that I've said it out loud. The first time I've actually faced reality, and it is reality. He left. "He told me that I'm better off with someone else," I say, drinking another mouthful. "Everything was going so well, everything was magical, and we were so happy. I thought that we could do anything, overcome anything if we just faced them together," I tell him. I did, I believed that love, this love that I've dreamt of my entire life, this love that I've seen everyone experience, would prevail. I thought this love was that of fairytales, like that of the princesses and princes I've read about. "I'm not asking for much. All I wanted, all I wished for was pure, true, love. Am I being selfish for wanting just that?" I look at Alfie, tears apparent on my face, but I think it's a sight he's now used to seeing.

He scoots over closer to me and places my head on his shoulder. At that moment, he felt like my safe space, and I'm glad I got everything off my chest.

"Everything is going to be okay Ellie. Don't waste any more time or tears on him. He isn't worth it," he whispers into my hair.

He's right. The days I spent in this room for him were the mourning I needed to move on. Everything will be okay, everything has to be okay, whether he's here with me or not. I am done crying over him. I may still have some love for him, but I am definitely done crying over him.