Painful Memories

Chapter 20

I turned to Jacob, the tears in my eyes threatening to spill over. "I'm so sorry," I choked out. Mom's face was ashen, her gaze fixed on the two graves. Dad pulled Mom close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

The look in his eyes could only be described as broken. A hurricane of grief and sorrow built up inside me, gathering strength until I could no longer hold back the storm. The tears coursed down my cheeks, hot and fast.

He let out a roar of grief, the sound breaking my heart all over again. When Dad put a hand on my shoulder, I flinched. I hadn't even heard or seen him move.

I couldn't begin to imagine the pain Jacob must have been feeling, but I knew the guilt all too well. Carla's words resurfaced in my head, filled with bitterness and anger. "'I don't know where Jacob is now, but I hope he lives every day with regret and shame in his heart for his actions. He deserves to rot for what he did—to me and our children.'"

Looking at him now, a father and husband paralyzed by grief, I realized that he did. He carried the regret, shame, and grief in his heart every single day. I couldn't tear my eyes from his face.

Kai pulled me to him and I finally buried my face in his shoulder. When a voice spoke up from somewhere behind me, I barely heard it. "Isadora? Nerissa? What's going on?"

My face did not move from my husband's shoulder as silent tears flowed down my cheeks. Uncle David. I couldn't see what was happening, but when the sound of his growl ripped through the water, I couldn't stop myself from flinching.

I only prayed Faye and Drew weren't with him. Every time I thought I'd run out of tears, a new wave would crash over me. Kai never said a word, just tightened his hold on me.

Jacob's raw voice filled the tense silence that had fallen over the water. "I tried, David. I really did. But I failed." The absolute, bitter defeat in his voice broke my heart all over again.

When I finally managed to lift my head from Kai's shoulder, Uncle David had already swum in front of the graves. He traced a finger over Ella's name, a sob breaking from his throat. Dad rushed over to him, catching him just before he would have hit the ground.

My entire body felt weary. Numb. I wanted to scream, but couldn't find the energy. I wanted to cry, but my eyes felt dry and tight. Without a word, the five of us left Jacob floating in front of the graves, Dad supporting Uncle David with an arm around his shoulder. I had a feeling, though, that Dad was the only thing holding him upright.

As we swam, I couldn't get the grief on Jacob's face out of my mind. Kai kept his arm around me as we arrived at the palace, the buzz of chatter and moving bodies barely registering. It wasn't until we'd gotten to our suite and were inside that Kai spoke, his voice soft. "Where did you go after the bright light blinded us? It was like you were in a trance—you were motionless, staring at nothing."

A painful lump rose in my throat, but I forced myself to swallow it down. "I saw them—Carla and Ella. Even though I'd never met either of them in person, I recognized them immediately. The little mermaid was clutching her mother's hand as she gazed at me." My voice broke, forcing me to pause.

I took a deep breath and tried again. "Carla's voice was quiet as she spoke. 'I was ecstatic when Nerissa became pregnant. I just knew that her daughter would be as smart and kind and loving as her. We watch over all of you, every day. It warms my heart to see Drew and Faye with such a loving family.'" The tears reappeared in my eyes, blurring my vision just slightly.

I paused, taking a shuddering breath. "I told her that she could see them in person if she came back. That they—all of us—wanted them to come back."

Kai removed his arm from my shoulder, taking my hand and leading me into the sitting room as I continued. "She gazed down at Ella. 'I've made peace with my death. I may not have all my family with me physically, but I have Ella here and Drew and Faye are with me every day in my heart. I don't know where Jacob is now, but I hope he lives every day with regret and shame in his heart for his actions. He deserves to rot for what he did—to me and our children. He did horrible, unspeakable things, and for what? The cost of who knows how many lives?'" My voice broke on the last word.

"I spoke to your parents and your father said he went ahead and sent a message to your aunt, explaining everything that happened." His voice was quiet as he spoke, filled with sadness.

"I learned something about the pendant today," I said, my voice small. "Some souls don't choose to come back—either from shame or by choice." As I said the words, my heart broke in half for the umpteenth time.

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "When Dad died, it felt like the world had stopped, like everything had been put on PAUSE. I blamed myself for weeks, letting the guilt and grief I felt swallow me whole." He took my hand, gazed into my eyes. "The thought of using the pendant had crossed my mind. But after hearing all the stories about it and the aftermath, I realized that I couldn't put my family through that." He sighed heavily.

In that sound, I could hear how much it had tormented him. "When I first heard about the pendant, what it could theoretically do, all I could think of was using it to bring back everyone we'd ever lost. Make it so we never had to feel the ache inside whenever we thought of them. Aunt Meri was the first person that came to mind." My voice broke again as I blinked back tears.

"But I discovered something about life and death over the past few years. Everyone leaves a legacy when they die. Some are worth remembering, and some are just destined to be no more than just an echo in a wave." Grief squeezed my heart in a painful fist, so hard I had to suck in a breath of water.

Speaking those words brought on a rush of memories, some unwelcome and some not. Meeting Kai and his father for the first time; hearing about the story of my birth and how it had almost cost my mother—and me—our lives; meeting Drew and Faye, learning their story. Each memory was vivid and brief, leaving me with tears in my eyes and a profound sense of sadness.

I blew out a breath, exhaustion enveloping me like a cloak. When I looked at my husband—my wonderful, strong, brave, amazing husband who had stayed by my side during some of the worst days of my life—I had to blink back tears. Struggling to swallow the lump in my throat, I squeezed his hand. "I love you so much."

He kissed me softly, gazing at me, the look in his eyes almost stealing the water from my lungs. "I love you too."

Read and review!