Painful Memories

Chapter 26

Kai was sound asleep beside me, his steady breathing a direct contrast to my own panicked gasps. Every so often, a soft whimper or gasp would slip from my lips, hands clutching the blankets as I thrashed in bed. I'm floating in the aforementioned long hallway with the same doors on either side. No matter which one I approach, it's the same—cries, screams, shouts.

When I finally shore up my courage and open one, I immediately wish I hadn't. Behind every door is a scene from my past. I can't do anything but stare as each one plays out in front of me.

My own cries mixed in, it's almost impossible to tell what's real and what's a memory. When I have opened the last door, I let out a cry and collapse on the floor. "I'm sorry," I cry out, the words echoing in the silence that threatens to swallow me up. "I'm so sorry."

"You cannot escape your past, Isadora." The voice, sharp and loud, is so close I flinch. "We all have ghosts from our pasts that we choose to keep hidden. But despite our best efforts, sometimes they resurface. I wonder, what would yours be?"

My mouth is already opening, the words waiting on my tongue. I whirl around, but there's no one there. The void sucks me in again, water rushing on either side of me as my life flashes before my eyes—past and present. The nights I woke covered in sweat and gasping for water; the following mornings where I was exhausted and sluggish. The attack on the palace; the aftermath and what resulted of it. And possibly worst of all, watching Ronan be tortured in front of me.

I let out a cry. "Please!" I remember this particular day all too well; reliving it is torture. I feel every blow as if I'm the one receiving it.

Another memory comes on the heels of the former, giving me no time to recover. Ronan's smug face as we faced off in the hallway of Beltmare's palace. The words he so casually threw at me, knowing the wounds they would reopen. "'I told you I'd make you pay for what your mother did.'" When I realized what he held in his hands, my heart had stopped dead in my chest. Mom's wedding ring.

The truth, when it comes, jolts me from sleep. I couldn't help them. The injuries they'd all sustained... They were because of me. Shame sliced through me like a dagger, leaving me numb and shaky. The former's face flashed through my mind, the tears in his eyes as we'd stared at one another during King Marlin's party. Even though they'd all made full recoveries, the guilt and shame lived in me every day.

My hands began to shake, my breathing speeding up until I was gasping for water. Every time I tried to take a deep breath, it felt like I had an anchor on my chest. I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, struggling to contain the cries inside me. I got dressed quickly, silently leaving the suite. It was barely dawn, so I was under cover of darkness.

I had barely made it out into the open water before the tears burst out of me. Grief, regret, shame—they flowed down my cheeks in torrents as tremors ran through my body. I was moving again before I'd even finished forming the thought in my mind.

I realized belatedly that I'd forgotten to grab a cloak, regretting it immediately. I kept my eyes ahead, not even glancing at my surroundings. I had no doubt there would be whispers circling about the princess of Aegrem being out alone, but I was too exhausted to care. When I finally glimpsed the spires of Pelathas' palace in the distance, I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying out.

I hadn't even had a destination in mind—I just needed to get out of the palace. The first rays of the sun had begun to shine on the water, but I didn't even notice. I swam inside, pausing briefly to catch my breath. Curly hair caught my eye and I had barely clamped down on the sob clawing its way up my throat before I was rushing towards it.

Aunt Bella had a smile on her face, but it quickly faded when she saw me. "Izzy? Honey, what's wrong?" Her voice was calm, her eyes assessing as they took in my disheveled state—a rumpled grey shirt paired with a deep purple skirt, tear streaks on my cheeks and more pooling in my eyes, hands and body trembling wildly.

I couldn't speak. She put a protective arm around me. I wanted to break down and cry—I wanted to scream until my lungs were raw. But I didn't. I didn't move a muscle until we were safely inside their suite.

Tears began to stream from my eyes, my chest rising and falling rapidly. "Take a breath, Isadora. You're okay." He gently took my hands and led me to their sitting room. I collapsed on the couch, my chest hitching as I struggled to breathe.

Aunt Bella sat in the chair opposite me, her eyes never leaving my face. When I finally spoke, my voice was barely a whisper. "How did you do it?" I looked down at my hands when I spoke.

Even though I wasn't looking at her, I felt looking at me. A finger tipped my chin up, worried grey eyes meeting mine. "Do what, Izzy?" Aunt Bella's voice was soft, soothing.

"Learn to live with what happened to you—the lingering fear, guilt, shame?" A tiny voice in the back of my head warned me against bringing this up—making them relive those painful memories. But even as the words left my mouth, I could see it in their eyes—the understanding, the sympathy.

Aunt Bella inhaled sharply, a small tremor running through her body. "It wasn't easy. Even after Dad's surprise confession two years ago, it still took us a long time to repair our relationship. But Isadora, you taught me that everyone deserves a second chance. We'd spoken long into the night following the confession. He'd apologized profusely for everything. Not just for what he did to us, but what he'd done to Mom." Tears gleamed in her eyes, dangerously close to falling, but she blinked them away.

After a shaky breath, she continued. "I'd taken him aside and warned him that if he tried anything, even so much as whispered a plan, he would be immediately brought to the dungeons. He'd sworn to me that all he wanted was to repair our relationship. And, despite his mistakes, I'd believed him. That's why I gave him a job guarding the dungeons. Up until his death, he'd treated the position with pride and respect. We gave him a suite near ours and, despite our misgivings, allowed him to meet Faye and Drew. He immediately took a shine to them, loving them as if they were his own. We never told him about Carla—but now I'm regretting that decision."

I grabbed Aunt Bella's hand, squeezing softly. She gave me a gentle smile in return as she spoke. "There are still nights when I wake up and don't know where I am. Nights where I confuse the darkness of our suite with the darkness of the room he held us in. But every time I start to feel the fear and guilt creep up on me, I remember what a wise mermaid once said." The tears finally spilled down her cheeks, but her smile never wavered. "'You are not your past mistakes. All that matters is the future and the choices you make.'"

When I looked into Uncle David's eyes, I glimpsed the same pain and regret. Fresh tears gathered in my own, spilling over as I exhaled. "I'm starving. Bronze Mermaid for lunch?" They both nodded.

We left the suite together, easy chatter flowing between us. As we swam, I mulled over Aunt Bella's words. "'Isadora, you taught me that everyone deserves a second chance.'"

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