Painful Memories

Chapter 11

By the time the sun came up the next morning, I'd been awake for hours, watching the water slowly brighten as the sun's rays lengthened over the surface. More than anything, I wanted to stay in bed, too grief-stricken and numb to even consider facing anyone. But even as the thought, however tempting, crossed my mind, I thought of Ronan, the torture he'd experienced at my expense.

I had to see if he was okay. When the knock sounded on the door, I was already halfway to my closet. "Come in," I called out. After I'd gotten dressed, I glanced at a mirror, breathing a sigh of relief. The bruises had all but healed, leaving only the faintest of marks.

Dad swam in, Kai trailing him. "How are you feeling?" The former's voice was soft, edged with concern as he swam to me, wrapping his arms around me.

I didn't answer at first, grief and sorrow tightening my throat to the point where speaking was impossible. When I finally answered, my voice was quiet. "Better. Any word from Queen Irvetta or King Marlin?"

Kai's eyes swept over my face as he answered. "Yes, actually. They reached out this morning and extended us an invitation to a party they're throwing in two days. Apparently, King Marlin's birthday is coming up and this is the first time in a long time they've felt up to celebrating." An easy smile was on his face, but I recognized the tentativeness in his voice, in his words. More than almost anyone, he knew how difficult it was to move on after a traumatic event.

I nodded. "Sounds great. I was going to stop by the infirmary after breakfast, see how Ronan is doing. I could use some company." The words had barely left my mouth before his hand slid into mine, the gesture confirming his answer.

The three of us left our suite a few minutes later, heading down to the dining hall. As I'd done so many times before, I halted at the entrance. Closing my eyes, I breathed in and out several times, letting the sounds and smells wash over me. Even after all this time, crowds still unnerved me. When I opened the doors, my heartbeat was steady.

Kai had never let go of my hand, leading me to our table. Mom and Queen Katrina were chatting quietly, but they both looked up as we approach. "Good morning, everyone." The latter's voice was soft as her gaze swept over all of us, lingering on me. I gave her the tiniest of nods, my heart tightening at the understanding that shone in her eyes.

Mom smiled at each of us, kissing Dad and me both on the cheek before squeezing Kai's hand. Kai told us about the party for King Marlin. I think we could all use something to celebrate. Her gaze remained steady, though I saw the slight tremor in her hands.

I nodded. "I agree. Plus, it'll be good for us to get out of the palace for a while."

The instant the words left my mouth, I wanted to turn tail and make a beeline for our suite. Just the mere thought of being around all those merpeople made my chest tighten. Even visiting Ronan felt like a monumental task. If I wasn't careful, my thoughts would turn to the last time I had seen him. Where I had last seen him.

Sometimes, I swore I could still hear the impact of Ronan's face meeting with the merman's fist, the crack as his head snapped back. See him spit out a mouthful of blood, look directly at me and subtly shake his head, telling me not to intervene. I shuddered.

The rest of breakfast passed in a blur, but it probably had something to do with me zoning out. I barely registered me absently placing shrimp into my mouth, nodding and responding when spoken to. When Kai squeezed my hand, I looked up at him. He was already finished and readying to leave.

Without a word, we left the dining hall, the tightness in my chest disappearing entirely as we crossed the threshold. "You still up for this?" Kai's voice jolted me out of my thoughts.

I took a deep breath before responding, exhaling deeply. "Yes. I need to see for myself that he's okay."

I knew that Kai had secretly been wondering the same thing. He'd known Ronan for longer than me, after all. I wasn't trying to get in the way of their still-mending friendship, but I cared about him, too. I kept my face blank as we swam, trying to maintain the calm before the storm.

It wasn't easy. The aforementioned images swam through my head on repeat, taunting me. As did long-ago words and images. "'I wanted your family to feel the same grief and pain I had. That helpless feeling when you realize there's nothing you can do.'" The malicious words were dagger-sharp, piercing my heart with deadly accuracy.

Even though I knew now that Ronan no longer blamed my family for his sister's death, that he'd forgiven my family completely, the words still hurt. Our relationship had been rocky at first, but over the years, we'd come to respect each other, eventually becoming friends. At first, I'd been worried that Kai would side with Ronan, fall back on the friendship that had lasted many years, over a mermaid he'd just met.

When Kai suddenly squeezed my hand, jolting me out of my thoughts, I flinched. I hadn't realized I'd zoned out for so long. My heart was pounding, my hands trembling as we swam inside. I barely registered the faces around us, the anxiety making it difficult to focus.

As we swam in front of Ronan's room, the familiar panic crashed over me. Kai gently knocked before opening the door and swimming inside. I followed him, hands clenched into fists at my sides. Ronan looked up as we approached, the bruises on his own face barely-noticeable. I had to bite back a sob, however, as I saw his left arm in a sling.

I shuddered, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. My breath hitched when we stopped in front of his bed. Kai glanced from me to Ronan, sensing the unspoken words between us. He grabbed my hand before he spoke, his voice quiet. "What did the doctor say?"

Ronan shifted his weight, taking a sharp breath at whatever the movement did to his arm. "My arm is broken in several places, and I have a severe concussion. Thankfully, that's the extent of my injuries. They could have been much, much worse." He locked eyes with me as he said the last sentence.

I could all but see the words in his eyes. This is not your fault.

"I'm so sorry," I choked out, my voice tight with unshed tears. He reached for my hand, squeezing it gently.

"I don't blame you." His words were gentle, his expression kind.

He wasn't just talking about the injury. He was talking about all of it. The dam finally broke, tears sliding down my cheeks. I laid my head on his chest as I sobbed.

Kai placed a hand on my shoulder, but didn't say a word. This pain was too deep for words. When the tears subsided, I took a steadying breath. "I was thinking—if you're okay with it, of course—that we'd have a grave erected near Beltmare's palace. Sophia deserves a proper burial and resting place." I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of it sooner.

Ronan swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. Tears gleamed in his own eyes; it took several minutes before he was able to speak again. "Thank you, Isadora. That would be wonderful."

We stayed for another hour, chatting softly. I told him about King Marlin's birthday and he said he'd love to attend if he felt up to it. I checked with one of the doctors and learned that Ronan was scheduled to be released tomorrow.

I swam back to the palace with hope in my heart. The rest of the day passed in a blur of faces and conversation. I managed a few bites of dinner before falling into bed.

Kai kissed my cheek, wiping the tears away. "He's going to be okay, Izzy. Everything's going to be okay."

I fell asleep clinging to his words. Hoping against hope that they would prove true.

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