Painful Memories

Chapter 24

After the intense emotions of earlier today, I should have been sleeping soundly. Instead, I again stared at the ceiling, my mind racing. Kai had fallen asleep as soon as his head had hit the pillow, surely exhausted by everything. Oddly enough, it wasn't today that I was thinking about.

It was a few weeks ago, the aftermath of Jacob using the Lost Soul Pendant to bring Carla and Ella back. I heard his broken voice, saw the grief on his face. But more than that, I saw inside him—something that all the smirks and cold façades couldn't hide. The shame rooted so deeply inside him that it had taken something immense—such as this—to bring it to the surface.

Another memory surfaced, almost as quickly. It couldn't have been more than a week ago, but to me it felt like a lifetime had passed since then. When we had planned to meet Mom, Dad, and Queen Katrina for breakfast at the Bronze Mermaid. The sight that had stopped me cold—brought back memories, some welcome, some not. Instead of letting all those memories consume me, drag me down, I took a deep breath.

Closing my eyes, I pictured King Drake's face in my mind, his kind, loving eyes and the smile that seemed to light up any room that he was in. "'The mind may forget, the body may waste away, but the heart always remembers.'"

With those words triggered yet another memory, this one entirely unwelcome. It had turned out to be an illusion within a nightmare, but it was forever lodged in my mind. Two years ago, I'd had a terrible nightmare in which Tyler had ensnared Mom with the Lost Soul Pendant. I'd been in a clearing not far from Beltmare's palace when I'd heard a bloodcurdling scream.

I quickly realized it had been a child's scream. Faye and Drew's faces frozen in my mind, I'd swum as fast as I could. When I arrived at the scene, horror and shock and grief had paralyzed me. I'd seen Aunt Bella first and shuddered. Her eyes, once so full of love and light and happiness, had been cold and empty.

Her grip on Faye had been tight, the latter's face pale-and tear-stained. I'd held my hands out in front of me as I'd inched closer to them. "'Please,'" I'd said. "'You don't want to do this. She's just a child.'" I stared in disbelief, face red with anger.

Faye had whimpered, the sound cracking something inside me. Before I could get any closer, a hand had clamped down on my shoulder, pinning me in place. I'd whirled around, hands shooting for my daggers.

Tyler'd had a smug grin on his face as he'd looked from Aunt Bella to Faye to me. '"Please,'" I'd whispered, my voice breaking. "'Please. She's just a child.'"

Tyler had only stared at me, the smug grin turning manic. Another flash of movement had me whirling again, body tense, hands on my daggers. The mermaid in front of me had been bloodied and bruised. Tears had streaked through the silt on her cheeks as she'd whipped her head back and forth. When her eyes had landed on Faye and Aunt Bella, she'd let out a heartbreaking wail.

"'You have a choice, Isadora,'" Tyler had said, ignoring the glare Mom'd been shooting him. "'Your mother, or your friends. Choose wisely,'" he'd continued, pulling out a dark-blue pendant on a string, "'because you can't have both.'"

I'd been frozen in shock and fear. Mom had locked eyes with me. Unspoken words had passed between us, but I'd seen the agony in her eyes. She'd known that I would choose her in a heartbeat, but she'd wanted me to save Aunt Bella and Faye. She'd rather die knowing she had a hand in their rescue than in their deaths.

"'I—I can't,'" I'd whimpered.

"'Tick-tock, Isadora,'" Tyler had said, but his voice had been muffled by the roaring in my head.

I'd apparently been silent too long, because Tyler suddenly shook his head and swam over to Aunt Bella. She hadn't moved a muscle, glassy eyes staring straight ahead. Faye had screamed, the sound dragging a stifled sob past my lips.

"'Please,'" I'd choked out, my voice thick with tears. "'She's just a child!'" My voice had broken on the last word, but it hadn't deterred Tyler. When he'd extended the Lost Soul Pendant out in front of him, it'd taken everything in me to fight the power that emanated from it, the sudden pull.

He'd clutched it in his hand, but instead of seeing the souls swirl around him as they'd been released from the pendant, he'd seemed to absorb them. The light from the pendant had been blinding, but he'd made no effort to shield his eyes. He'd let out a cruel laugh. "'At last!'" He'd shouted, his voice suddenly becoming deeper and harsher.

When the light had finally subsided, I was left pale and shaking. The Lost Soul Pendant was all that had remained of Tyler. No ashes, nothing. Mom's expression had been identical to what I was sure my own had been. Her face was deathly pale; tear stains had lingered on her cheeks. She had let go of my hand, rushing over to Aunt Bella and Faye. Instead of following her, I'd cautiously swum over to where the pendant had rested on the ground.

A single thought had entered my mind, pushing through the shock and horror: Now what?

I'd woken up soon after, my eyes dull as I'd opened them. The shock of the nightmare had been pushed aside by numbness. I'd known what I'd had to do, but how could I?

A knock had sounded on our door a heartbeat later. I hadn't been able to keep myself from flinching. Kai had poked his head in, frowning. Before he'd so much as opened his mouth, I'd risen from the bed and was heading for the closet.

"'Tyler,'" I'd explained helplessly as I'd gotten dressed. I'd been unable to say anything else; my thoughts had been tripping over one another as I'd struggled to process the nightmare.

Kai had asked me what happened, but I'd barely been able to formulate a response. "'We have to stop them,'" I'd said, my hands and body trembling. "'Before...'" I'd struggled to get water into my lungs. "'Before he hurts them.'"

We'd barely reached the entryway of the palace before the screams had begun. "'No!'" I'd shouted as I'd rushed outside.

It had been an near-exact replica of my dream, with one difference: all of my family had been there. I'd watched in horror as my dream had played out in front of me. Everything after that was in slow motion. All the trapped emotions inside me had come out—anger, grief, sadness, doubt, anxiety, depression, emptiness. I'd gripped my curls, throwing my head back as I'd let out an ear-shattering, heartbreaking scream that had ended in a sob.

As quickly as the emotions had surfaced, they'd vanished, leaving me numb and empty. In their place had been a hollowness, a void that I hadn't thought could ever been filled.

I'd known I would have been foolish to think the war had been over just because Tyler was dead. And when a voice had spoken up behind me, chilling me to the core, I'd known that the war was from over. "'Isadora, is it? I can't tell you how pleased I am to finally meet my granddaughter.'"

I'd screamed, the voice like shards of glass in my heart. I'd felt him swim closer, but I'd refused to even lift my head from Kai's chest.

When he'd spoken again, I'd barely stopped myself from flinching. "'Despair, hopelessness, anxiety, depression... They eat at you, day after day, never stopping until all that's left is a lifeless husk. You know how to make it go away. The only question is, can you do it?'"

His voice had been like a magnet, drawing me closer and closer until I couldn't escape. Wasn't that what I wanted, I'd wondered at the time? A life free of feeling, of the exhaustion from having to push all the emotions down, all day, every day?

But now, two years later, I knew that it wasn't. Just as it had then, a small voice in the back of my head warned me not to trust him. Everyone, I'd learned over the years, had some sort of repressed memory or emotion buried inside them. They did their best to keep it hidden, but some days, despite their best efforts, it rose to the surface.

I thought about the plaque resting above the dining hall. Tears gathered in my eyes, quickly spilling down my cheeks. When the sun rose over the surface, shining rays of gold down into the water, I smiled through my tears. I rolled over to see Kai awake, gazing at me. "Are you okay?" He asked, concerned.

I could tell he, too, was preoccupied with thoughts of yesterday and the past. The shadows in his eyes all but confirmed it. I nodded, slowly kissing him on the cheek. Treasure the time you have with your family, Isadora. Don't take one moment for granted. Live each day like it's your last.

"I am now," I whispered.

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