We All Have Secrets

chapter eleven

Brianna's POV

It's been five days since I last messaged Dionne to let her know I was fine. Ha, "fine". When am I ever fine? I can feel my mind slowly destroying me and yet I'm "fine".

Right now I'm hiding away in my room with the curtains drawn and my music on. I resemble some sort of recluse but I guess that's what I am. I lay back on my bed, close my eyes and listen to the lyrics of Keaton Henson flood my ears.

"And now I see that waking everyday

Always leads straight to feeling this way

And if you've no more to say than that,

Oh well, I'll be leaving and I won't come back

I'd give you all I have

If I could get it back

This has been the best of me

I hope you end up missing me

And I'll hold on to that"

"Bri? Can I come in?"

Demi. Why must she interrupt at the worst possible times?! Keaton Henson always manages to make me cry and now I have to face Demi with a no doubt blotchy face thanks to the countless tears that have stained my skin.

"Two seconds" I reply quickly, turning off my iPod before running into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face.

This is basically a daily routine now. Quite sad really.

"Come in"

I quickly jump onto my bed, bringing my duvet up to my knees as I hook it under my chin. I watch Demi as she slowly walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge before bringing both legs up onto the mattress, crossing them.

There's an awkward pause as I wait for her to start talking. But instead, she's looking at me with this sympathetic expression on her face and it's making me feel super nervous and uneasy.

"Are you gonna say something or just stare at me all day?" I ask, starting to get irritated by the silence surrounding us.

"Y-yeah, sorry. I just wanted to talk to you" she sighs, grabbing one of my hands from under my chin and linking my fingers with hers.

"About?"

"Bri, what's going on?" she asks me, her voice sounding sad as she gives me her classic puppy dog eyes.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on, I'm fine" I reply defensively, almost a little too defensive.

"Brianna, please. I know you and I know something's wrong. You've been distant, you're glued to your phone and I don't even know when I last saw you eat something. How much weight have you lost since I last visited?"

Honestly, I don't even know what the hell to say to her or where to start. Know me? She knows me? Does she hell. She knows nothing about me.

"Know me? Seriously Demi?" I laugh with sarcasm in my voice, "you know fucking nothing about me. No one here knows anything about me. Guess what? I'm not that little girl anymore that used to run around after you, craving your attention since Madison was born. I'm not the little girl that always asked herself why her big sister didn't talk to her or remember her anymore since Madison was born. So if what you're wanting is some cute heart to heart session, go to the little sister you adore so much and leave me the fuck alone"

I'm visibly shaking with anger at my outburst, I didn't even mean to say that much to her, and by the look on her face I'm guessing she wasn't expecting it either.

"Brianna, you know I love you. I'm sorry if you felt like I favourite Madison. I love you both equally. I just couldn't help but obsess over Madison when she was a baby. I wanted to protect her, that's all"

"Protect her? Yeah well while you were protecting precious Madison, who was protecting me?! Huh Demi?! Who was protecting me from the bullies that made me quit school? Who was protecting me from the hate online? Who was protecting me from the dem-"

I stop myself quickly, clamping my hand over my mouth. Shit. I need to get out of here. I cannot talk to Demi about this.

"Brianna? Protect you from what?" Demi asks, almost scared about what I was about to reveal.

Lets be realistic, she knows. She knows exactly what I was gonna say because she's lived through this too, but she won't allow herself to admit it. And I won't allow myself to confirm it either.

"Nothing. Look just get the fuck away from me. This heart to heart is years too late" I spit in anger, causing Demi to let out an exasperated laugh.

"Why do I even bother?" she says while pushing herself up off my bed, "you know Brianna, I'm trying so hard to help you but you're being such an ungrateful bitch. Why won't you just let me in?!" she yells, and in that moment I lose it.

"Ungrateful bitch?! Fuck you Demi! Seriously, fuck you!"

Grabbing my coat that's sitting on the chair beside my bed, I rush out of my room and run downstairs before heading out the front door, ignoring the confused yells from my mother behind me.

Fuck this family.