We All Have Secrets

chapter twenty

Brianna's POV

"Today was so much fun" Maddie announces once we all make it back to the house, collapsing on whatever object is closest. Mine just happened to be Demi.

"You comfortable there?" she laughs while I shimmy a little, nesting my head in her chest.

"Mhmm" I respond, too tired to form words.

Today has been surprisingly good, minus the stabbing pain in my stomach and the constant bathroom trips. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was able to have fun without worrying too much.

"Wanna all watch a movie?" Dallas asks, with a round of yes' coming from mom, dad and Madison.

"What about you guys?" she asks, turning to me and Demi.

"My stomach hurts, I might just lay down upstairs" I reply in a monotone voice.

I can feel my mood begin to slip already. I don't even understand why. I mean, today was great for the most part and now all I can think about is everything that's happened to me lately. I just want to cry my eyes out.

"I think I'm gonna keep Bri company" Demi adds as I push off her and head up to my room.

The minute my body hits my bed, I burst into a fit of tears. What the hell is happening to me?

"Wow wow wow, Bri what's wrong?" Demi panics, quickly scooping me up from my bed and into her arms as she rests against the headboard.

"I d-don't kno-w" I manage to choke out before tightening my arms around her waist.

"Shh, it's okay, just let it out. I'm here"

I don't respond. I can't respond. I can barely even breathe let alone speak. I don't want her to leave again. I'm not sure I can do this without her. Sure, I basically hated her when she came back home but that was all fake. It was an act. I need my sister more than ever. I'm just scared. People always leave.

"Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours" she says while stroking my hair, one arm still wrapped around me.

"I'm not pretty.." I reply, refusing to move my head from her chest. I don't want her to look at me.

"Brianna Lovato, you are beautiful. Don't you dare let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise. Alright?"

I nod in response, unable to trust my voice, but the fact that I had to bite down on my lip to stop another cry escaping says enough.

"Tell someone"

"Tell someone, please"

Dionne's words run through my head as I lay cuddled up close to Demi. This is it. Now or never. Just get it over with, it's like ripping off a band aid. You can do this.

"Demi?" I whisper, mainly because my vocal chords are shot from crying so much.

"Yeah sweetie?" she replies as I lift my head up to meet her gaze.

"I, I need to tell you something" I manage to say as more tears begin to fall, "but p-please don't be mad or leave me. Please Demi, I promise I'll be a better sister just please don't leave me"

"Baby girl, I will never leave you" she soothes, pulling me back into her embrace as my salty tears hit the bare skin of her shoulder.

"You can tell me anything, I'm here"

Okay Brianna, just do it. Take a deep breath and tell her.

"I.."

I can't do it, who am I kidding?

"You what baby?" she asks, causing me to wince at that word, "come on, talk to me"

Oh, fuck it.

"I need you to take me to the doctor.." I trail off, averting my eyes away from hers.

"The doctors? Howcome?"

And here comes the bombshell.

"Because, because Demi that night I ran away.."

"Yeah?" she replies slowly, almost as if she's holding on to every word I say.

"I was, this guy he, he raped me" I cry out before automatically pushing myself away from Demi.

She probably hates me. Of course she hates me. I hate me.

"Brianna.." she whimpers, reaching out for me and pulling me back onto the bed.

"I need you to tell me what happened, this is important okay? You're being so brave.."

Her eyes; they're shattering. It's as if I'm looking right at her heart as it splits in two. She cares.

"I tried to go back home when I realised I left my phone there, but this guy h-he grabbed me and dragged me into an alley. I tried to s-stop him Demi, please believe me. I t-tried but I wasn't strong enough" I cry out, starting to hyperventilate, "I'm so weak"

"No, you are not weak. You are my sister and you are so fucking strong okay?" she replies, her tone serious even though her voice quivers, "I am so proud of you for telling me. We'll go first thing in the morning okay? What made you tell me?"

Fuck. How do I tell her that a fan of hers that I met through twitter with my own fan account told me to?

"Don't freak out" I start, nervous at my next confession, "I have this account.."

Demi's POV

I'm trying so hard to comprehend everything Brianna's told me, but how could this happen? And especially to my sister, a 15 year old girl? As if that wasn't enough, my suspicions are about to be confirmed.

"What account?" I ask hesitantly, catching her off guard.

"Um, okay so it's an account for you but I only made it because I miss you and-"

"Oh my God.." I exhale as everything begins to make sense. The meals, the tweet, the message from the bathroom. It makes so much sense.

"I know it's kind of weird but I wanted to keep up with what you were doing" Brianna says in a rush, her bottom lip quivering.

I nod in response, wanting to hear what else she has to say while my mind is screaming out at me.

"So, uh I started talking to this girl and she told me to tell someone, so I-I told you" she finishes quietly, moving away from me.

I can't even move. This entire time, I've actually been talking to my sister. That's when it really hits me. Everything she told me. The rape, the depression, the purging, the self harm. Oh God the self harm.

"Anna..." I whisper before looking up at Brianna, tears brimming both hers and mine.

"W-what?" she stutters, fear in her voice.

"Brianna, I'm Dionne.."

It's silence. Dead silence. She sits there, completely frozen. Panicked, I try to explain myself.

"I promise you that I had no idea it was you Brianna. I made the account to help my fans and your tweets were the first I saw. I swear I didn't know it was you"

"How is this even happening?" she thinks outloud, her eyes focused on her hands.

"I'm sorry, but I'm here. I've been here" I choke out, reaching for her hand to bring her closer to me.

She doesn't fight, but I can tell the fight is going on in her head.

As her body moves closer to mine, the sleeve of her jumper rides up, revealing her scarred wrists. My breath hitches in my throat at the sight. I can't lie and say it didn't trigger me a little, but more than that, I felt pain for my little sister.

Brianna stares at me before her eyes travel down to meet where my gaze lies. Quickly snatching her arm away, she jumps off the bed mumbling "I'm sorry" over and over again before locking herself in the bathroom.

What just happened?