Hiding Myself

Chapter One

The temptation to post this chapter has been killing me. So I'm doing it. I'm so bad at this waiting thing!! Enjoy! This is all your getting though until tomorrow!

*Song of this chapter - You ruin me by The Veronicas*

Sunday 15th September 2002: 21:23pm

PAILSEE IVY

I will not cry.

I will not cry.

But I want to cry. That's all I ever want to do, because no matter how hard I try to be the strongest person I can be, I have to live in a life full of misery.

My mother told me that when I'm upset or mad I should never run away from talking to her, but I should run to her instead.

She has always been inspirational to me, and I would always listen and talk to her, but when she died last year in the car crash, apart of me died too.

With that, I slowly lost my ability to speak up and talk to people about my feelings. I keep all my thoughts and emotions to myself. That's how I like it.

But not that many people think of it that way. They believe I don't care, that there isn't a single ounce of sorrow in me. Neither does my own father.

In fact... he blames me.

I still don't understand why I live here.

I'm a twenty two year old women who still lives with her father. I know I did so I could comfort him during the hard time of mothers death. But now I feel trapped and unable to escape.

I'm sweating and my heart is pounding. My breath is becoming heavier and heavier by the hurt I'm feeling.

So as I fear the one person that should have loved me the right way, I go no where near my emotions. Instead... I run.

I race up the stairs as if my life depended on it, slamming the door behind me, I slide up my window and lift my right leg over, ready to escape him.

When I believe I'm free, I hear a slam that brings alert to me. Two hands grip my left leg, pulling me towards my bedroom floor.

My head slams to the ground and I'm trying to grip onto something to help me fight back, but there's nothing in my reach.

In seconds, I'm lying on the ground, being punched and kicked and thrown around. This is the monster I live with. The monster I thought loved me.

I scream. Loud. But his hand covers my mouth while hitting me in my chest. Almost as if I'm worth nothing to be treated right. That's when I give up on hope.

I let him abuse me. Right until my death point.

                              ————————

Its been a few hours now... I'm led on my bed attempting to leave, but my body is too weak to.

Blood and bruises are scattered across my body, I feel so numb and I'm unable to focus. It's not unusual for me because it happens every day.

Every day I scream for help but I never get anyone's attention. He always wins.

I can barley open my eyes but I can easily sense he's in here. I can feel his weight on my bed. I would attempt to run but I physically can't. So I lay on my bed with tears streaming down my face.