Hiding Myself

Chapter Eigteen

*Song of this chapter - Comptine D'un Autre Été, Láprès-Midi by Jonas Kvarnstöm*

I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THIS SONG ON LOOP. IF YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO THE MUSIC THEN THAT'S FINE BUT I RECOMMEND IT!

I'D ALSO LIKE FOR EVERYONE TO BE AWARE THAT THIS BOOK DOES BEGIN TO GET VERY DARK! SOMETIMES IT TAKES A PERFECT COUPLE TO GO THROUGH PAIN BEFORE THEY CAN BE TOGETHER AGAIN THE RIGHT WAY. NO LOVE STOY IS PERFECT... ESPECIALLY IVY AND ASHER'S!

Tuesday 26th December 2002: 9:12am

PAISLEE IVY

I haven't been able to separate myself from him. My whole body is attached to his and I'm completely consumed by him.

Asher decided to take me to his house instead, said we'd have more privacy. I liked the sound of that, but I'm still not prepared for this... can I do this?

I'm scared to tell him that I'm not mentally, emotionally or physically ready for anything... especially so quickly.

We've been making out for a while now, I've not checked the time but it feels like we've been going on for forever.

I've not even had the chance to take in his home.

This right here is the place this man sleeps in, eats in, takes showers in. I've not even seen it.

He's on top of me, his lips on mine and our tongues connecting as if neither of us had ever felt such a need for this before.

I'm led on his couch, comfortable in my position, but I turn my head to the right, attempting to stop before it's goes to far.

Asher doesn't stop kissing me though, his lips are on my neck, so is his tongue. The feelings I'm sent from this are sending shivers in places I never knew I could have them in.

He eventually comes to a stop, breathing heavily against my neck. I close my eyes, taking in this intense moment I got to share with him.

I slowly turn my face to look up at his, and he's not smiling, he's staring. He's still hiding something... I need to get it out of him. But not right now.

He sits up, pulling me up with him. I straddle him, my arms over his shoulders. I continue to stare at him, with nothing but a heart in my expression.

I don't smile, or grin. Neither does he. We just continue with this moment. This moment that neither of us want to escape from or leave.

"Promise me something?" He whispers to me, still breathe less.

I nod my head slowly.

"Don't break my heart" I smile at his statement.

I nod my head, "promise me something?"

He nods his head.

"Don't use me" he smiles back at me. But then his smile fades. So does mine.

"What?" I whisper. Concern filling me.

Smiling again, he shakes his head and drops his head back into the couch.

"Nothing. I've just never... felt this way before"

I smile at his response once again - why was there hesitation though?

I kiss him once again, attempting to let go of my thoughts and come back to reality that we're here... right now.

He stands up, carrying me with my legs wrapped around his waist and he walks into the kitchen, setting me down on the counter.