CHIDINMA'S STORY

Part 6

6

Today was a great day. I registered for a yoga class a week ago. It helps me relax and focus. We've been doing a lot of meditation, and it has really opened my mind to many memories.

You know, I never stopped thinking of Blessing Uyai from Evergreen. It's funny how when I found out she invaded my privacy and read my diary, I was a tad bit relieved, but at the same time I experienced great fear. I was afraid of being judged and condemned for being dirty, just like my mother had always called me all those years. And I remember reacting harshly, but I would stare at her each time she wasn't looking in my direction. I used to wonder if she was thinking of me at that moment or if she was just fighting her own demons. 

That day at the library, up until today, I'm forever grateful for it. I badly wanted to hug her and have her comfort me, just like the maid that succeeded in staying with us back then. She was the only outsider I let touch me when my episodes became strong and unbearable. When the biggest mother figure in my life betrayed me, I despised women too. In fact, everyone in general, except our maid that year. She was the only woman and person I loved and didn't despise. She was my new hope. She stayed with us for only a year, but at least I knew we parted ways knowing that in our hearts we had each other back. 

Blessing crying alone in the library because of Tessa is a memory I will never forget. That tessa of a girl... I wonder where she is now. I remember feeling so bad for Blessing because I understood how it felt for the one person that was your anchor to betray you so badly. I've felt that emotion multiple times and each time not even a soul would hug me and tell me that all would be fine. Their friendship was fancy, but only one person was genuine. I knew the Tessa that others didn't know. I knew her right from the first day I got to Evergreen. But you know, Blessing had been with her longer, so I guessed she knew something I didn't know. 

Blessing was annoying most of the time. She was too sluggish and easily pushed around, but she was a wonderful girl and an amazing friend. She listened to me, and for a second, I hoped she would be my new hope. But I was long gone at the time. I had my plans already figured out and there was no turning back. I often wonder if she had asked me more questions or simply checked up on me after that day, if that plan would have failed. But today, irrespective of the hardship that I experienced even after escaping hell, that path brought me here and I'm grateful.