❝ synthetic ❞╭──╯ . . . . . gerard way

10: once a love-to-be, now fragments of lies and broken hearts

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I sat on my bed, crying into my cold palms while letting out choked sobs. I had a habit of crying during any form of conflict or confrontation, but I don't know why. And the fact I was crying over Gerard made it a lot worse.

The things he said about how he had other options really hurt. He can have those girls with big boobs or whatever if that's what he wants. He can have someone easy who'll throw themselves at him whenever they want.

I FUCKING HATE HIM.

That's a lie. 

Fuck.

(next part is written like a journal idk i was bored)

"Tuesday, November 15th

I looked like a disaster today. First, my eyebags were darker than the Mariana Trench and my hair wouldn't cooperate at all. I stubbed my toe on the couch too. I felt like shit. Gerard and I made eye contact while he got on his bike this morning, then he drove off pretending like I wasn't even there. 

In the halls, we would lock eyes for a moment before we both looked away angrily. He's being petty, but so am I. He said shit he should take back. I'm not caving. I didn't do anything wrong... other than bringing up the fact that I liked other people before I even considered Gerard. It was kinda cruel, but he's not innocent in this either. I just wanted to take things slowly. Ah, shit... I know what I gotta do."

With a frustrated groan, I shut my journal. I'll wait a bit first though. I want him to stir and absorb the words I said and realize that he shouldn't have lashed out at me over anything.

The next few days went on with us ignoring each other. I was now walking down the halls, heading to the cafeteria when Mikey walked up to me. 

"Hey, what's up?" He asked with worry in his eyes, and like he asked this just as a formality. There was clearly something else bothering him.

"Not much," I feigned a smile, not wanting him to realize how distressed I really was. "You?"

"Did something happen between you and Gee? He's been ghosting us, staying out all night and only coming back in a terrible state." He looked down sadly, worried dearly about his poor, broken-hearted brother. Oh how sad, couldn't imagine what it's like. Said me never.

"Well, some shit happened I guess. I'm gonna talk to him later, I just wanted what I said to settle." I offered a soft smile, hoping to cheer the boy up while maintaining a distasteful tone. Not toward Mikey, but toward Gerard. I was pissed at the guy for fucks sake. 

"Can you tell me what it is this time? I don't want to be left out of this because I feel like it's partially my fault," He said, words laced with concern and making my heart ache. I hate that this has a toll on Mikey too, but I can't forgive Gerard that easily. I don't even know if he wants to be forgiven or whatever. 

"Yeah. But it should be a bit more private," I reasoned, deciding it was better if I didn't leave Mikey out of this. He was right, after all. It does involve him. 

"Wanna go to the bleachers?" He offered, giving me a questioning look. 

"Sure," We walked out the doors, him leading the way. We sat on one of the middle levels, eating our lunches in silence as I searched for words. I didn't know how I wanted to explain the whole ordeal.

"So, I'll start with what happened when he kicked you out of my house," I began, "He asked about you and me as if the two of us were together. So I told him the truth. He was in really bad shape so I guess I felt remorseful. He wanted a chance with me, so I gave him one."