Disingenuous

7. Tidal Wave

May 21, 2018

Jackson felt like a paper man made of tape and strings. He didn't direct his own life. He just did everything he was told to do and that seemed to work. Unless of course his brain turned to stone as it so often did. In that case he was a failure in his own right. His paper limbs crumbled under the weight of everything expected of him. He was unreliable and uninterested and his songbook remained empty regardless of the deadlines.

What a bit of nastiness that was.

He wondered if he could write song lyrics about his paper limbs and failed puppet strings. He'd name it after his failures.

"Let's get a move on shall we?"

He'd requested motion, so they were crossing the parking lot to his car. He fumbled in his pocket for his keys. His voice was much cheerier than it should have been for someone who'd just been given a deathly glare alongside subtle reminders of his difficulties and perceived shortcomings. He couldn't help but think that  if Dr. Evil and the other execs knew about even half of the pile of fuck ups he could be offering them, the death glares would be the least of his concerns. He thought maybe some of the cheeriness was coming from the calming effect of the Xanax that Seb had provided him.

Calming was likely too big and too bold a word for it. Numbed was better.

So numb that he dropped his keys the moment he freed them from his pocket.

His fingers tingled. He picked them up embarrassed, but said nothing. Should he be driving? That line always felt blurred to him and he normally did it anyways, but Morgan was going to be in the car. Didn't that change things a little? He'd driven inebriated that morning, but he hadn't felt it in his fingers then.

He had a burst of genius that might have been a symptom of mania. "Moe," He said, thinking he was about to sound very fatherly. "Do you drive?"

Her wide eyes became wider. Seb shot Jackson a look that said he regretted giving him pills, but Jackson ignored him.

Just let me give my hundred thousand dollar car keys to a kid man.

"I'm learning," she said sheepishly. Jackson took that as acceptable, and dangled the keys her direction. She looked at them as if he were handing her a gun.

"Learn in a sports car," he said laughing. Was he being too jovial? He had tried to look cool and collected to the men in the conference room, but he wanted Morgan to quit looking at him like she feared he might curl up and cry if she spoke too loud or acted too intrusive.

Morgan took the keys into her small hands and unlocked the car with the button on the keychain. He climbed into the passenger seat, Seb got in the back again, and Morgan walked around; pausing outside the drivers door, and giving herself what Jackson imagined was an adorable pep talk.

Seb leaned forward from the back seat. "Jax..." he began in a warning tone.

Jackson waved him off like an unpleasant cloud. He scowled up at Jackson in a way he hadn't seen before. Were they fighting suddenly? Jackson and Seb hadn't done that before and he was unsure what it looked like. Now wasn't a good time for them to be fighting. Jackson made a point of looking forward to avoid whatever was behind that look.

Morgan seemed to find her bravery, and finally climbed into the drivers seat.

"When you say you're learning," Seb started on her suspiciously. "How much practice would you say you've got?"

"Leave her alone!" Jackson said, forcing another laugh. He was sure laughing a lot. "Young drivers need confidence!"

Morgan smiled at Jackson and he thought he saw more genuine intentions behind it than before. She looked nervous, but also determined. She smiled at Seb in the backseat too. Jackson thought she must have given herself a pretty effective pep talk out there.