Disingenuous

23. Possesion

May 26, 2018

Jacksons shoulders hurt. He supposed it had to do with the fact that he'd woken up so tense. Reality had set in over night. The euphoria has faded just a little bit. Nerves had come back.

He was on his way to meet with the executives for what he was sure would be a terrible meeting. He'd dressed and showered and watched the sun rise. Then he'd turned on his phone to face the music. His lawyer, Stephanie, had showed up as requested shortly after, and the two of them had set off together in her car. It was so early that Seb and Morgan hadn't stirred at all as he'd shuffled through the house.

At the thought of Morgan he was at least able to smile to himself a little bit. She'd been so supportive over the previous day. After the party, she'd hugged him goodnight. Just before she'd closed her bedroom door, she'd looked back at him and she'd smiled before saying, "I don't know why you didn't tell anyone before, but watching you be so happy today... I feel like I've met you for the first time."

And Jackson had realized that throughout the entire day he hadn't drank anything except some water and half of that single lukewarm beer.

Moe was young and impulsive. She could obviously be quite dramatic and emotional. Since learning the truth, that she'd gotten in trouble and ran away, Jackson had seen so much of himself in her. It was like a puzzle coming together and he knew that he needed to earn his place in her life, but he was actually starting to feel good about it.

He'd talked to his lawyer on the phone, but seeing her in person helped him feel more solid. She was going to help him navigate whatever the fall out of Dylan's actions were, and then she was going to help him in attempting to establish some level of legal guardianship over Moe. He was going to do things the right and legal way, and he was hoping that none of it blew up in his face.

When they reached the building with the glass elevator, they stepped out of the car together and started for the front doors. Stephanie paused outside to offer him her arm and a reassuring smile. She told him they'd be a united front.  He felt like he was wading through water, being dragged by Stephanies careful arm, but she was on his side.

Security let them pass quickly and the elevator ride felt quicker than normal. He had only been there just a few short days ago, but it felt like a lifetime with everything that had happened. He absentmindedly wished that he would stop visiting the fortress of a building exclusively when he knew he was in trouble for some stupid arbitrary crimes.

When they reached the correct door, he took a deep breath and pushed through to meet his fate.

He felt like he had gone suddenly mute and deaf during the duration of the meeting. He remembered sitting in his chair while the executives of their team stared at him. He remember them asking very pointedly just as they had implied on two other occasions, "Jackson, are you gay?"

He had responded, nodding with a mask of determination on his face. He remembered saying "I have been the whole time, yeah."

He felt like a dam was breaking in his chest when he said it. He felt water swirling up around him, lifting him off the ground. He was floating.

He liked to think that they already knew to some extent. Both of the previous times, he thought they must have asked as a result of some joke someone had made in the wrong company. They had pointed out before that in the last half decade of his public life, he had never had a girlfriend. He hoped he was only confirming what they knew all along at that point.

Then Stephanie said something and the discussion went back and forth for what felt like a very long time. He stared out the window watching the shadows of the skyline dip as the sun moved up and acrossed the sky. He remembered the executives looking a lot less upset than he'd expected them to, and at one point, as if he'd missed an important que, Stephanie held his songwriting notebook up to them as if to prove that he'd actually done his job for once that week. He had forgotten to send the email with the sound clip, but he heard her promise on his behalf that he'd send it. Stephanie was taking notes thankfully and he knew that he'd need to review them in a time when his heart wasn't beating quite so fast.