Disingenuous

24. The End

TW: Depictions of somewhat aggressive abuse
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2018

It was the beginning of the end. They couldn't get past what had happened the morning after Christmas. It marred everything into oblivion.

Jackson became clingy at the start of the new year. Havoc Union was planning their next year, which would include a second album and a longer tour, but Jackson wasn't incredibly engaged with any of it. He had other things on his mind. A lot of things actually. So many things that he couldn't actually keep track of any of them. He was too busy trying to live in Dylan's pocket to manage anything else.

He followed him around the house whenever he was home. He sent more flowers to his work, and he brought even more home. He was showering Dylan with gifts actually. They were small pointless things like having his car cleaned, treats appearing in the kitchen that Jackson knew he wouldn't eat, and replacing all of his old scrubs with new ones. Jackson became hyper sexual and it wasn't because he had a sudden interest in being the worlds most eager bottom. He just wanted to do whatever it took to gain Dylan's favor. Sex seemed to solve problems when words couldn't.

In the same way that Jackson was trying to force himself to be on his best behavior, Dylan also had a role to play in the awkwardness that festered between them. Directly after the New Year, he brought home a gift for Jackson: an orange 5 month old kitten that Jackson was absolutely unprepared to take care of.

It was an obvious apology gift. He didn't even try to hide it. The little bruises on Jackson's shoulder hadn't even faded yet and Jackson's head still throbbed when he tried to drink, so he hadn't been. The kitten was an "I'm sorry," and Jackson accepted it because he didn't know what else to do.

He named it Loki for mischief after it dragged a sheet off the bed and broke a lamp about thirty seconds after his arrival. Jackson hadn't ever had a pet before so he just told himself it was a good thing and then set about sending frantic texts to Lillian's about litter boxes and cat food. Dylan seemed pleased with himself. Jackson had no idea what he was supposed to do with the thing after he would inevitably leave for tour again. He had a vision in his head of Dylan berating him for leaving his cat in Dylan's care every time he left.

Jackson had quit drinking again after the holiday, but it was not as clean and straight forward as it had been when he had done it the last time. For a few days he didn't drink because his head didn't feel right after being shoved, but he kept going when he realized Dylan had stopped yelling so much. He still drank a beer or two when Seb had come back, but mostly he spent his time sober. He wasn't even smoking much weed.

He was having bad sleep again though. It was comforting to have Dylan in bed at night for that. He was always willing to cuddle. He would wrap Jackson up in strong protective arms and stroke his hair to help him sleep. His touches would be soft and gentle. Jackson would start the believe he'd hallucinated the two shoves. Those gentle hands couldn't have possible done that. Dylan wouldn't try to hurt him. The bruises on his shoulders could easily be from sex or something. Dylan left sex related bruises all the time. Jackson sometimes convinced himself that he found it exciting.

Jackson was convinced they were fixing things despite the signs. It's not that they had any real conversations about the issues, but things calmed down and Dylan hadn't threatened to leave again the way he had before he'd shoved Jackson during the yelling. Jackson was sure that meant it was going to get better. The weird tension was going to deflate. He'd wake up one morning and the peace wouldn't feel fake.

Sebs birthday was February 9th and he was turning 20. Seb took his birthdays very seriously. It was generally extravagant and alcohol filled and wild. His departure from his teenage years was an especially pivotal moment for him. He demanded everyone in the band be present and there lie the problem. For the first time in 3 years, Jackson declined the offer.