My Name is Tasha Carson. I'm 20 years old, currently taking up Fine Arts at the University of Oxford.
Pakiramdam ko noon, I was living in a world of fantasy. A place with no sadness, no pain, no regrets. Just pure happiness. Kaligayahang parang sa fairytale, something that no one else could ever experience. Like every magical story, I had my own king—my dad, and my queen—my mom.
Lumaki akong puno ng pagmamahal at suporta mula sa kanila. Never akong nasaktan, neither emotionally nor physically, because they protected me from everything. They treated me like a real princess, living in a perfect world, walang kulang, walang problema, puro saya lang.
But fairytales don't last forever. Everything changed the moment mom passed away due to a long-hidden illness.
And the worst part? The perfect life I believed in... was all just an illusion.
Later on, we discovered something that shattered whatever was left of that fantasy. My dad, he betrayed us. And that betrayal was one of the reasons mom died. She knew all along, pero pinili niyang manahimik, to keep our family from falling apart. Para sa amin, para sa akin. She chose to carry the pain alone.
We remained a complete family... but not a happy one.
Behind the joy I once had, was a truth so painful I never imagined I'd have to face. Ilang beses ko mang hilingin na sana panaginip lang ang lahat, it was real. And reality hurts more than any nightmare ever could.
After mom died, I changed.
I became a spoiled, rebellious daughter. Gumagala ako gabi-gabi, umiinom, and surrounded myself with people I barely knew, just to forget. I stopped caring about school back in secondary because I was already lost in the pleasures of the world. I did everything that was considered "wrong", except drugs and sex. I still had limits, but I was on the edge.
I also lost my ability to trust, because the first man I ever trusted, winasak ako ng buong buo.
Yes. My own father.
Siya ang unang lalaking nagpaiyak saakin. Ang lalaking unang dumurog saakin.
But yeah, he changed after everything happened. Sinubukan niyang itama ang lahat ng pagkakamali pero huli na ang lahat. Mom is gone, and no matter what he does, he can never bring back the life that he lost.
Five months passed.
I continued to destroy myself slowly. At hindi na kinaya ni dad na makita ang unti unti kong pagsira sa buhay ko. Kaya nagdesisyon siyang dalhin ako sa America, para raw ayusin ang buhay ko. But I refused.
I would rather live alone and completely ruin my life than be with the person who caused it to fall apart in the first place.
So I left. Lumayo ako. I disappeared without telling him where I was going. I moved to a place where he couldn't find me. I changed myself, my hair, my lifestyle. I rebuilt myself from scratch, without a father, without a guide.
And now?
I'm still alone, but I'm finally at peace.
Masaya at kuntento na ako sa kung anong meron ako ngayon. I survived. Not as a princess in a fantasy tale, but as a real woman who faced her truth and chose to heal... alone.
And here's my story.....
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