Secret Santa (BoyxBoy)

❄️17❄️

Two days. Two days until the party and I still have nothing but an imagination. At this rate I'll have to kiss him on my own free will! That's hard!

"Fuck my life." I groaned, slamming my head against the locker a few times.

"Careful, before you give yourself a concussion." I heard Ryker say. I jumped, turning to face him.

"Hey." I said smiling. I feel like I haven't seen him in a while.

"Hi." He said back, leaning against the locker next to me. He had in a white tee shirt with a green bomber jacket and blue jeans. He looked really put together today.

"I got this for you. It's your favorite." He said, handing me an ice coffee, his face turning pink.

"Thank you." I said, taking the coffee and taking a sip. "I appreciate it."

"Did you make up your mind yet?" He asked, smiling wider. Should I tell him? I haven't had enough time to make up an actual answer! But if he waits any longer he's going to die.

"Um actually I—" I was cut off by someone knocking into me with their backpack, making me drop my ice coffee. The coffee splattered all over my grey shirt, the cold liquid making goose bumps break out on my skin.

"Sorry!" The guy yelled over his shoulder. Wow that's all I gay, a half assed sorry?

"Fuck you asshole!" I yelled, looking down at my shirt. It was totally ruined, no way in hell i could get a stain this big out.

"Oh shit, your shirt is all wet." He said "Go to the
bathroom, I have an extra shirt in my locker you could wear"

"Okay, what about the coffee?" I asked. I'm really sad about that coffee, I really wanted it. Now I'm just wet and cold with no coffee.

"I'll tell a teacher on the way to my locker." He said

"Alripht. Meet you there." I said. I walked to the bathroom, taking my shirt all the way off and putting it on the counter

I looked at myself in the mirror, looking at my side. The scars running down my side were raised but light. They've faded pretty well, since they're pretty old. Nobody has seen these. It's been a long time of only lifting my shirt up a certain way so that people couldn't see them. I never go swimming with anyone besides my family, because I don't like the stared I at.

"Mason?" I heard Ryker say. I turned, and he was looking at me in surprise. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide them. I shouldn't try to hide them, I'm not ashamed of them. It's just a natural reaction, I spent so much time trying to cover them when I was younger that it's what I'm used to.

"Hey." I said, my heard beating wildly. Did he see them? Is he going to ask questions? Does he think less of me?

He walked over to me, grabbing my arm and pulling it away from my body. I didn't try to fight it, but I couldn't look him in the eyes at all

"Mason, what's this?" He asked again, holding onto me.

"My scars." I said simply. "You're not the only one who's been through it."

''Mason is this because of me?" He asked, touching the spot. I nodded lightly, my lips forming a tight line. I didn't want to lie, I was young and dumb and didn't know how to take control of my life, so I thought that doing that would help me gain some control back. It was stupid, and I regret it every day. But I can't go back and change it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He said, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged him back, not saying anything.

I've already forgiven him a while ago, but just thinking about it is bringing up old feelings. All the times I would come home and run into the bathroom and lock the door, crying because Ryker had beaten me up again. I thought something was wrong
with me, that I was some sort of freak. I would take razors, knifes, literally anything sharp just to cut myself with. It was scary.

I had continued for a solid three months before my mom found out. I was getting ready to take a shower and she walked in the bathroom. She made a huge deal out of it, and that's why I go to the therapist still. She wouldn't leave me alone about it after that,
and still asks to this day. I haven't done for a long time, but it still haunts me to this day.

It's the worst mistake in my life.

He rubbed my back soothingly, saying he was sorry over and over again. I felt safe in his arms, despite him being the one who hurt me. I pulled away from him slightly, my throat feeling tight, as if I was going to cry.

"It's fine. I've already forgiven you a while ago." I said.

"No, it's not fine. Obviously it still bothers you, I can see it all over your face.." He said.

"No, I swear I'm okay." I said, grabbing his hand. "I got over it. Yes, I used to hurt myself, but I don't anymore. But you..." I grabbed his arm, shoving his sleeve up. "You on the other hand, haven't. You have to talk about it in order for it to get better." I said, looking at him.

"It's not that simple." He said, taking his arm away from me.

"Yes, it is. I've been through this first hand, and I swear people care about you and want to help you. What could it be that you don't want to talk about it?" I asked. He bit his lip, looking at the floor.

"Cmon Ryker. I'm here for you."

"I-I can't. Not yet. I need time. I'll tell you one day, I
promise. Just not today, okay?" He said tensely.

"Okay." I said. I won't push him, I know it's hard to talk about, but I will bring it back up another time. He can't walk around with all of that on his shoulders, he's going to give out.

I looked at him and he looked back at me his eyes scanning way bealy up and down betore his cheeks turned pink
"U-Um here,  I have a shirt for you" He said, holding our the shirt to me I took it, purring it on. It was a little big, but it was nice.

"Thanks." I said. "I just saw you check me out by the way."

"I didn't!" He defended, his face getting red. I smiled
chuckling a little bit. It's  cute when he's the embarrassed one for a change.

"You didn't?" I asked.

"Well, maybe just a lite bit. I couldn't help it" He said smirking. I rolled my eyes, picking up my dirty, coftee stained shirt.

"What should I do with this?" I asked.

"Leave it." He said laughing, "It'll get thrown out of
something."

"But I want my shirt back." I said pouting.

"I buy you all the shirts in the world. Just leave this one." He said. I nodded, walking towards the door. I feel bad, the poor thing. lt didn't ask for this

He grabbed me, pulling me close to him. I let out a little gasp in surprise, smiling. His lips brushed mine, but they didn't really touch. I felt myself leaning in, but he kept pulling away until I
was up on my tip toes.

"You want to kiss me that bad huh?" He asked, his breath hitting my lips.

I blushed, getting off my tip toes. I didn't even
noticed I had done that!

"N-No I. I dunno why I did that." I breathed, my head feeling a little clouded. Is this boy a drug? I can't get rid of him not matter what I do, but at the same time I don't want him to leave me alone.

"Because you want to kiss me." He said smiling
I shook my head and he chuckled, leaning down and placing his lips on the corner of my mouth. That's not enough.

I felt my face flush at my thoughts and I looked at the floor.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked. "Your face is pink."

"I-I'm fine. I gotta go. See ya." I said, leaving the bathroom. I rushed to my class, willing my face to cool down as I fanned it violently. I'm feeling very confused and overwhelmed.

Why did I actually want to kiss him? Is everyone right, do I really have feelings for Ryker?