Flawed (s.m.)

009.

 After the moments of silence and hugging, my friends took their respective seats at our table at In-N-Out. I look around to see a lot of puffy eyes and sad frowns, and no one is daring to make any sort of eye contact with me. This was exactly why I was avoiding telling my friends about my condition; I knew they would begin to treat me differently. I just didn't know that it would start so soon. An upset sigh found its way past my lips as I continued to peer around the table at the people I just might love most. They all looked absolutely destroyed, but in their own way. Sofi was hiding her head in Gilinsky's shoulder, and judging by the way her figure was shaking, she was crying. Mikayla let her tears fall openly as she stared down at the untouched fries in front of her while Johnson simply stared off into space, presumably trying to fully wrap his head around the information I had just given him as he appeared to be holding back his tears. Gilinsky, on the other hand, showed almost no sorrow, his jaw clenched as he tried his best to comfort Sofi by rubbing small patterns on her back. He almost seemed angry, but that was usually his expected reaction. This was an absolutely horrible scene that I wished I never had to see. All of my favorite people's emotions were in shambles, and it was all because of me.

 "G-guys... look, I'm s-sorry for not telling you..." I began shakily, trying my absolute best not to break out into uncontrollable sobs. Thankfully, the fact that this was taking place in a public setting was helping me prevent that from happening. "B-but please, try your best not to treat me any different." I could tell some of them were about to object as Johnson's mouth fell ajar and Sofi sprung up from her previous position, but I beat them to it. "I know, th-that's probably a ridiculous th-thing to ask. P-please, I just want my l-last few months to be a-as normal as p-possible..." I explained, earning sympathetic nods from everyone except for Gilinsky.

 "But, Audrey," Sofi chimed in. "How do we know that these really are your last few months? What about treatment?" she wondered out loud. She was always optimistic, especially when it came to my well-being. I loved her for that, even though sometimes I complained about her concern. She always had good intentions. I sighed again, my sad eyes meeting hers as I managed to pull myself together with the clearing of my throat.

 "My doctors... they diagnosed it as terminal. And they said that we could start treatment, but it would practically be pointless. My mom really wanted me to do it, but..." I stopped in the middle of my statement, knowing my friends understood what I was getting at. 

 "Auds.." Johnsons started, using my nickname he'd used since we first met each other. "If you ever need anything just let us know, okay? I know you're a strong girl, but it's okay to ask for help. Don't forget that." I just nodded in response to his words, acknowledging that he was completely right.

 "And, hey..." Mikayla piped up, lightly poking my arm from where she sat across the table. "If treating you no different is what you really want, then that's exactly what we'll do." She weakly smiled at me, trying her best to stay positive. "We'll still have our phony Panera study dates and pig out on ice cream whenever we feel like it." I laughed lightly at this, but stopped when I heard Gilinsky's stern voice introduce itself to the conversation.

 "So, that's it? We're just going to sit around and pretend that nothing is happening?" he questioned angrily. Johnson slightly leaned across the table, resting his chin on one of his arms.

 "Dude, don't. That's what she wants," he responded in a cool, hushed tone. It was clear that he was attempting to keep the conversation from getting out of control.

 "No, Jack. You don't. Don't sit there and act like you're okay with this. Our b—"

 "G, stop," Johnson interjected desperately.

 "Our best friend is dying," Gilinsky continued, not showing any mercy towards Jack's pleading for him to stop. "And you're really going to act like you're actually calm? This is absolute bullshit." At this point, his voice had risen to a clearly audible yell. He looked around at everyone and realized the effect his anger had taken on him before slowly pushing himself out of his chair. "I.. I think I'm gonna walk home. I need some air."