Flawed (s.m.)

012.

 It was now Monday morning, and that meant I had avoided talking to Shawn about the kiss for over twenty-four hours. Even though I was trying my hardest to put it off, it still made me feel awful. That's why I had texted him earlier in the morning to let him know I'd be taking him to school today. I did owe him, after all. He'd managed to put up with my bullshit during the entire five days of school we had to endure last week, and now it was my turn to do him a favor. But at the same time, I was so incredibly nervous to do this favor for him. Not only would I be giving him a ride, but I also planned to have a talk about what happened at the park on Saturday, although it probably wasn't going to necessarily be a good talk. Instead of honking once I pulled up to his house, I made sure my music was at an appropriate volume and texted him. The last thing I needed in my life at the moment was more parents that hated me.

 iMessage

 me: get ur butt out here :)

 It was almost scary how fast the front door swung open to reveal the one and only Shawn Mendes. I already knew it was going to be tough for me to have this conversation with him. My eyes scanned his sculpted figure, almost as if checking for any flaws. To no avail, he was still the seemingly perfect boy that I awkwardly rushed home instead of facing my feelings. Stop that, Audrey, I scolded myself, so desperately wanting my mind to wander away from all thoughts of Shawn. That was all that I had managed to think about lately, and honestly, it was beginning to bother me. I couldn't remember a time when one specific boy was running through my mind. I hated that it was happening to me now, but mostly because it was something I could never bring myself to understand. Shawn forced a smile as he awkwardly ducked into my car, letting his backpack plop down at his feet. It wasn't even a smile, really; it was more of a grimace. And that was completely understandable. I would be feeling pretty unsure about things too if someone practically threw themselves at me and then they didn't respond to my texts. Guilt harshly panged at the walls of my stomach, threatening to make me tremble. Nevertheless, I remained focused on pulling away from Shawn's driveway and out onto the almost bare streets.

 It was almost like when we first met, and not in the cheesy kind of good way. We rode all the way to the dreaded high school in silence, with only the faint music of the radio supplying us with much-needed comfort. At this point, I felt like a completely terrible for letting things get this uncontrollably unpleasant. I eased into my parking spot that sat in front of the school's auditorium, letting a sigh fall from my lips, simply in order to make an effort at some sort of conversation. That's when I knew that dragging this whole thing out was pointless. Taking my seat belt off, I crossed my legs as I turned to look at the boy beside me. His hair was slightly disheveled and he looked undoubtedly confused, but to me, he still looked absolutely perfect. That was another thing that bothered me, lately. It was absolutely impossible to find any flaws about this kid. He looked at me with expectant eyes, maybe anticipating an apology of some sort. This made me frown a bit, knowing that I had to end things now, before they got too serious.

 "Look, Shawn..." I began while I was nervously biting down on my lip, a habit the two of us shared. Ugh, there you go again, Audrey. I took a deep breath in attempt to sooth the tiny voice in my head. "You're seriously such a great guy, okay?"

 "Then why are you about to tell me that the kiss meant nothing?" he abruptly asked. He knew me too well and he'd only truly known me for about a week.

 "I..um.. I.." I tried to explain, but I was only left with a jumble of stuttering. I was caught red-handed. I could lie to him and change the direction of the conversation by telling him he was wrong, but he was so totally right. That was exactly what I was going to tell him, and he was too smart to think any different. "It's nothing against you. I promise..." I vowed, looking him straight in the eyes. My gaze fell as I continued. "It's just that... I don't do relationships. I told you that." He nodded, showing a sense of understanding.