Flawed (s.m.)

019.

  The blood continued to pour from my nose in what seemed to be an endless stream. I debated going to the hospital, but finally, the bleeding came to a gradual halt. Still, I didn't dare open the door to be revealed to a sympathetic Shawn, who had been loyally posed at the other side of the door for the entire duration of my nosebleed; I was too shaken up and him seeing me like that would be downright embarrassing. Every once in a while, he would plead for me to rush to the emergency room, but I refused. I didn't want to worry my mom even more than I already had, I didn't want Shawn to get worked up, I didn't want to call more attention to myself, and, most of all, I didn't want to accept the fact that I might actually need help going through this process.

  "Audrey?" Shawn called from my bedroom, probably hearing the sink water begin to run as I washed the red spots off of my hands.

  "Hm?" I responded haphazardly, exhausted from the loss of blood and humiliated by the turn of events. When I came into my room earlier to see Shawn there, I expected my day to go from just alright to absolutely amazing. This cancer was starting to treat me like a jealous boyfriend, stealing the show right in the middle of what should've been a happy moment.

  "Can we go to the hospital? Please?" he begged. I sighed, shutting off the faucet before I reached for a clean hand towel. I winced at the amount of bloody tissues that were hurriedly stuffed into the trashcan as I opened the door slowly.

  "No." I calmly strode into my room, back towards the comfort of my warm bed.

  "Aud--" Shawn started, but he couldn't finish his sentence before I interrupted him.

  "Shawn, look at me. I'm fine. See?" I flashed him a forced smile, waving my hands over my face to emphasize my point to the full extent.

  "I'm just worried, babe. Isn't this something that a doctor should know about?" He folded his arms over his chest while he leaned against my dresser on the opposite side of the room. I mentally took note of his first use of the word 'babe', but scolded myself as soon as the thought crossed my mind. There was a serious issue at hand here, and Shawn's furrowed eyebrows made that apparent.

  "Yeah.." I breathed out. "My mom is already so worried, though."

  "As she should be." He took in a sharp breath as he made his way towards me, taking the spot next to me on the edge of the bed. "I am too, you know," he admitted. His brown eyes shifted down to stare at his fidgeting hands. I reached over to grab one of them, squeezing slightly.

  "I know you are," I said in a hushed tone, biting down on my lip as I looked down at our interlaced fingers. There was no doubt in my mind that I looked like a child who hadn't gotten her way at the candy shop.

  "Then why won't you tell someone? There might be something that can help, Audrey," he explained. He began to lean his head on mine, but I moved away quickly.

  "No, there isn't, Shawn," I annunciated. "Please understand that. There isn't anything and there never will be. Last time I went to a doctor for help, that's what they said."

  "But--"

  "There aren't any 'buts' about it. Our 'ifs', for that matter," I snapped. I instantly regretted the harsh choice of words, but I knew that being blunt could be the best way to get the concept through to him. I didn't necessarily feel that way, however, when I saw how shattered he looked. I frowned. "I'm sorry, okay? I just... I'd rather accept what's happening than spend my last few months hopelessly looking for something that probably doesn't even exist." He nodded with understanding, still looking heartbroken.

  I slowly tipped back onto the soft mattress. As I was reaching to peel back the covers, I was happy to feel his large frame lay down beside me. My hands forgot about the sheets and blankets as he enveloped me in his strong arms, gently placing a kiss on the tip of my ear.

  "Let's just nap, okay?" I cocked my head to bat my eyelashes at him. He still looked troubled as he traced tiny patterns on my skin. "We can talk about this more tomorrow."

  --

  After a long while of comfortable silence and random smooches, I found myself drifting into a pleasant sleep with Shawn's arms still firmly wrapped around my torso.

  "Audrey?" he rasped, and I let out a loud exhale, a bit disappointed that my peaceful state was disturbed. He took this as a response before asking his question. "Are you.. um.. are you.. like, my girlfriend?" I couldn't help but laugh at his awkwardness, still not looking at him. His chest rumbled with a chuckle before we fell into silence again. I knew he was anticipating an answer. Sighing, I bit down on my lower lip.

  "No," I answered simply. I repositioned myself to be more comfortable, not breaking free from his grasp.

  "Wh-what do you mean?" he questioned. I hated how torn he sounded.

  "You can't be committed to me, Shawn. It's not fair." My eyes grew heavy again as I let out a hefty yawn.

  "But what if I want to be?" he asked, leaving me without an answer to give. I just shook my head; it didn't make sense to me at all. But I was too tired to understand.

  Next thing I know, I was falling into a graceful sleep.  

--

A/N: short chapter! sorry, i just didn't think there was much else to be said and done. 

i'm thinking this story has about 15 more chapters to go, and i have no idea how to feel about that tbh.

AND WE'RE ALMOST AT 100 VOTES which isn't big for a lot of people BUT ITS REALLY COOL TO ME OK

thank you all so much. sorry for the wait. x