Flawed (s.m.)

021.

  My initial plan was to not say a word to the Jacks as I practically stomped my way back to their car. In my heart, I knew that none of this was truly their fault, but the overwhelming roar of humiliation and disappointment overpowered the static noise of my conscience telling me what was right and what definitely wasn't. It was practically screaming for my attention, begging me to see that it was my own foolish choices that got me into this sucky position, but in the heat of the moment, I couldn't help but display any other emotion other than straight up pissed off. Even though my lame ass friends watched in shock as I paraded back to the vehicle, they still seemed to jump in surprise due to the harsh sound of the metal door slamming with such force I thought it might actually break off. I was well aware that I was acting like a child, especially as I folded my arms and trained my gaze on my lap just to perfect the behavior. Apparently, however, it seemed to get the message across, because the car began to slowly back out of the driveway without me having to demand so.

  "Audrey, what ha--" Gilinsky began to ask. He shouldn't have opened his stupid mouth if he knew what was good for him, but the kid never seems to learn.

  "You know what happened, G," I seethed, not even bothering to reflect on my resentful tone of voice. "Camila was there."

  "Yeah, but Auds," Johnson began, his eyes quickly glancing into the rearview mirror just in time to catch my hateful stare. "You have to breathe, love. You don't know why she was there. It could be something totally innocent. Just.. don't freak, okay?"

  "I think it's too late for that!" Gilinsky scoffed, causing J to almost immediately raise his arm and punch his best friend as best as he could while he still focused on the road in front of him.

  "Damn it, G. Now's not the time," the blonde chastised. If I hadn't been so upset, I totally would've allowed myself to giggle at their ridiculousness, but my mind didn't have the ability to wander away from the thoughts of the look on Shawn's face when he opened that door. It was like I had the same two seconds of my life on NFL instant replay, and all I wanted was for ESPN to cut back to the damn football game that was actually currently happening. Even though there was a possibility that Johnson could be right, my usual pessimistic point of view was clouding reality and making it more difficult to see what could actually be going on. But at the same time, I knew what kind of girl Camila was, and I knew that the look on Shawn's face wasn't a look of happiness or relief as I had hoped it would be.

  "Guys," I spoke up, breaking my previous promise to myself that I wouldn't speak a single word to them. They made it impossible not to talk to them. It was a real pain in the ass. "You should've seen the way he looked at me when he opened the door. He just.. I don't know. He was surprised, definitely, but not a good surprised. If I didn't choose to leave, I have the feeling that he would've made me," I explained, my voice cracking a bit due to holding back tears. I would not cry over this boy. How many boys had come and gone from my life without me responding whatsoever? Yeah, I would not cry.

  "Audrey, you don't know that. You probably just caught him off guard," Gilinsky suggested, earning a huff from me.

  "He hasn't even tried to talk to me all day, G. And then I come over just to see he was with another girl. That doesn't seem the least bit sketchy to you? I blew it." My head rested against the window of the car, not caring if the bumps in the road caused me to hit my head against the hard glass.

  "Au--" they both started again, but as usual, I wanted the last word and I quite frankly just wasn't having any of their optimism crap today.

  "No, guys. This is how it always ends up. I don't know why this stupid guy even means so much to me. I should've known better." I shook my head, my naturally wavy hair bouncing around the frame of my face. "He deserves better anyway," I finished my statement, my body jerking in the car seat as Johnson drove over the curb of my driveway. "Oh, great. Home, sweet home," I sarcastically spat, my green eyes nearly rolling into the back of my head.