Freaky Friday

Chapter 11: Sick

"Anak, ano ba kasi talaga ang nangyari sa'yo at umuwi kang may sakit? We were worried about you." Kalmadong sambit ng mama ni Reagan sa'kin habang may magaang ngiting nakapaskil sa kanyang labi. Ilang minuto akong nakatulala dito sa kwarto nang bigla siyang kumatok sa pintuan at umupo sa gilid ng kama.

Napapikit naman ako nang mariin ng marinig ang salitang "anak". I really never wished nor even thought about being able to hear someone call me that. Since as I grew older I had to face the reality that I will never be good enough for someone to claim me as their daughter. I am not worthy of being someone's child.

However, I am just a human being. I can't stop myself from wishing, wishing that for once, at least I will be able to have my parents back.

I took a deep breath and harshly exhaled when I felt that heavy feeling on my chest. Nasa ilalim lang ako ng kumot at nakabaluktot dahil sa lamig na nararamdaman ngayon. Umuwi kasi ako dito na sobrang basa kaya alalang-alala sa'kin ang pamilya ni Reagan lalo na ang kanyang ina.

"Mom, I just forgot to bring my umbrella last night." Mahinang tugon ko at naubo dahil sa pagsakit at pagkati ng lalamunan. Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga nito.

"You always go out without telling us your where abouts, I understand that you are still upset with us but please know that we are always worried." Malambing niyang sabi na nagpakunot ng noo ko.

What does she mean when she says that I am upset?

Her words and my condition aren't helping since I feel a lot more vulnerable today, hence unconsciously felt tears escaping my eyes. Hindi nagtagal ay may hikbi na ring naglabasan sa bibig ko. I'm sorry Reagan for making you look vulnerable in front of anybody else. I just feel like I can cry freely inside his body because no one knows that this is me, Zaidee.

Because I am Zaidee and I should not cry and be vulnerable with anyone.

Hindi ko naman inasahan ang biglang paghawak ni Tita Alice sa mukha ko gamit ang mainit niyang palad upang maingat na punasan ang mga luhang tumutulo sa mga mata ko. Nag-aalala niyang inangat ang aking tingin nang sinubukan kong yumuko upang itago ang mga mukha ko at hindi mapigilan ang sariling mas lalong mapaluha nang magtama ang tingin namin.

Her brown eyes evoke familiarity for a presence I hold dear, eyes that have warmth that embrace earth on itself. It was the eyes that my roots found solace, and my journey of growth began.

"What's wrong anak?" Umiling lang ako bilang sagot at wala sa sariling mahigpit na napayakap sa kanya. Naramdaman ko pa ang pagkagulat niya dahil sa kanyang postura pero kalaunan ay mahigpit din niya akong niyakap pabalik.

"I am always sorry for what we have done, hon... I'm s-sorry." Biglang paghihingi niya ng tawad sa kasalanang hindi ko alam. Based on the tone in her voice, it holds a symphony of regret and sorrow, each emotion provokes the pain she bore in silence, a burden carried for a long time.

I'm very confused by what I'm hearing but haven't tried to ask because this is Reagan's private life so I shouldn't interfere. Yet I could feel it, matagal niya na itong gustong sabihin ngunit ngayon lang nagkaroon ng pagkakataon.

"Thank you so much... m-mom." Nahihirapan kong sabi dahil sa mga hikbi ko at dahil sa masakit kong lalamunan. Somehow I felt really lucky that I've switched bodies with Reagan because even for a short period of time, I have a mom to lean on, and specially, I'm able to talk to Sierra and get to know her better.

"I'm lucky to have you, anak at pasensya sa mga pagkukulang ko. I will always carry the burden of guilt in my heart, m-mahal na mahal ko kayo." Mahinang sabi niya at binigyan ako ng isang halik sa'king noo bago ako ikinulong sa isang mahigpit na yakap. Later on, she started humming like she was trying to use the enchantment of lullaby to calm me up, which was effective as I could feel my eyelids getting heavy.