The Cascading Waves of Caden Lee

07

CADEN LEE

"Cade! Man, it feels like we haven't hung out in forever." Ash whines, clinging to my side and furrowing his eyebrows. It hasn't been forever, we just missed our weekly weekend hangout. Guilt riddles my body, I remember now, I had spent the time getting high instead. We've been doing this for years, how could I forget it over something like this?

I sigh, "Yeah, sorry, just got caught up in things. Did you and Josh do anything this weekend?" I ask, they seem confused, as I hadn't mentioned any plans from the weekend before, but they nod anyways. "Ash went to Six Flags, I sat in with Mike and he forced me to watch Hockey."

Josh hates Hockey, his step-dad loves it. He thinks it's the perfect opportunity for Father-Son bonding, it isn't, but Josh goes along with it anyway because he feels bad. Ashton loves Six flags, being the thrill seeker he is. I remember when he puked on my brand new clothes back in the summer of 8th grade.

"Did you have any fun, ooh, Josh, maybe you could ask Mike if he wants to go to a basketball game with you? Surely if he loves Hockey he likes basketball..." I chew the inside of my cheek, thinking over the game later this Thursday.

"Maybe I will." He replies, and that's that. I turn to Ashton next, "Which ride was it? Everything you've ever dreamed of?"

"The one that spins you upside down and shakes you. Like a milkshake."

"I'm gonna need an elaborate rating on the experience, Bro."

Ashton smiles a bit, raising an eyebrow before continuing, "Of course, Dude! I'm gonna give it a...hm...8/10, points docked for the after-vomit."

He has a weak stomach, 7 times out of 10 he's barfing right after the rollercoaster. He says barfing while on the ride is too embarrassing, so he's somehow learned how to hold it in while flying through the air. Don't ask me how, he won't tell me either.

"Sounds like a dream." It's only half-sarcastic, some of those rollercoasters he rides are great experiences. Some not. I have a horrid fear of heights, and Ash likes to bring me and Josh along, so I've spent every ride screaming at the top of my lungs, eyes shut as tightly as they could be.

"As dreamy as life can get, you do anything other than puke ur guts out this weekend?"

I had told them I was sick in order to not sleep over.

The words get caught in my throat, shame overcoming me. I ditched them and lied over something stupid. I cough, forcing the words out and ridding the knot in my throat. "I just watched Netflix, I'll never take advantage of full health again.."

"That better not be contagious, Cade, if i end up vomiting later cause of you we'll need to have a talk." Josh murmurs out, his voice faux serious. A snort erupts from my throat and laughter soon follows out, heavy and weighted, like an anvil has been dropped in my stomach.

The bubbling of Ash's laughter is barely audible over mine, but it's there, and Josh is hiding a grin in his palm and both of their eyes are crinkled and bright.

A sharp pang in my heart startles me, and when the smile falls from my red cheeks I find my facial muscles sore. As if the smile had stretched too far for my skin to handle. And I couldn't help it when a small, barely audible, voice whispered from the back of my head, "But you're not contagious, nor sick, you're a liar. A liar who spent the night blowing smoke out your window instead of walking towards the local 7/11."

And I couldn't help it either when the others laughter died out, smiles still present and a gleaming twinkle in their eyes, and my eyes stay downcast, mouth set firmly. And how could it be my fault that I didn't say a word after that, and instead settled for a wave as I made my way to my next class.

But the voice stuck. And it only silenced when my lighter flicked open and smoke flooded my senses.

_._._._._._._._._._

School passed by in a blur, I felt sluggish, I didn't feel like me. My eighth had long run out, and the cash was burning a hole in my pocket.

I don't remember texting Nate Hill, an infamous dude at my school who I knew sold drugs on the side for some spare cash, but I did. And I ended up with a battery, a charger, a cartridge and $50 missing from my jeans pocket.

And I don't remember inhaling the vapor into my lungs, thick with a potent aftertaste, but I know I did. And I only know because I'm looking at it now, but my vision is murky and my eyes are half-lidded. I think about getting up to do my homework, but my body feels merged with the bed, and the world is quiet.

And when the door cracks open to reveal my sister, wrinkled nose and all, ask, "Why does it smell like weed?"

I'll never remember what I said, but she rolled her eyes and the door clicked shut. And when I felt my heart racing and hands shaking, I couldn't help but think that this was the most alive I'd felt in forever.