The Cascading Waves of Caden Lee

20

CADEN LEE

Its three days later when disaster strikes. The past few days had been going smoothly, life fading into routine, but I should've known things wouldn't last. I just wanted to bask in the sunlight until the storm clouds rolled overhead. But it seems I missed the chance.

Nothing ever lasts forever.

If they did, I wouldn't be staring my estranged dad in the eye right now. He stands hesitantly at our doorstep, almost as if he knows he's not supposed to be here. I hope he does. I hope he knows how unwelcome he is.

I shoot him one last glare, before shouting over my shoulder, "Mom! Come here!" She hurries over, her bedroom door creaking as she exits her room with a worried furrow in her brow. She must've heard the thinly-concealed panic in my tone. But her frantic pace doesn't last long, because she stops in her tracks when she sees the man who we last saw 7 years ago. Bags packed, not even a goodbye.

"Daniel..." she sighs, glancing over her shoulder as Jessie comes down the stairs, the creaks of the wooden steps announcing her presence. Her blue eyes widen, jaw falling slack before she breaths out, "Woah, what the fuck?"

"Language, Jessie," my mom murmurs, but it's noncommittal. How can it not be, with the man on our doorstep?

"Lydia," my dad murmurs ashamedly, "I know I've made mistakes, and, well, you have no obligation to not slam the door in my face right now."

I have to clench my fists from doing it myself; saving my mom the trouble.

"But...I just, I miss you, and Caden, and Jessie. I miss you all. I want to reconnect. Wouldn't that be nice? Be a family again?" His hands shake; he shoves them into his jean pockets. I try not to think about what that means.

My eyes nearly roll out of my head, and I glance back, expecting my mom to look the same, but she doesn't. Her arms are crossed, but her face, it's almost soft. Fond. Me and Jessie exchange annoyed glares behind her back.

"What about LA? Leaving Chicago isn't enough, but now you have to come back, too?" My moms voice is hard, but I know her. I can tell she's close to breaking. That our family being full again is all she's ever wanted.

"The band broke up, no need for a director anymore. I can find a job here, I promise, sweetheart. All I want is you all back. Just let me stay here."

I should be surprised when my mom caved, but I'm not. I just watch in shocked silence as my mom ushers him in and they hug as if they never want to let go. And when my mom says he can stay in the guest bedroom, I stomp back up the stairs and slam my bedroom door behind me.

Jessie does too, eventually. Because I hear the slam of her door minutes later.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I don't get up out of bed, even as I hear the hesitant knocks on my door. What I recognize as my moms footsteps walking away after three tries to no avail. Silence. I Shouldn't be disappointed that she walked away, really, I'm the one who wouldn't answer her.

But I can't stop the sting in my chest when she's nothing but silence, too.

When the static in the air gets to be too much, I reach for the concealed pen in my drawer, and everything seems to be alright for just a moment. But it's not, and when the high fades away I'm left lost, alone and with a never ending ache in my heart.

I hear muffled voices from downstairs, no doubt coming from the source of my very misery, so I stuff a pillow over my head in hopes of muffling the sound.

Shut up, just shut up.

Thinking he can leave us all alone, drowning in debt and barely making rent, just to come crawling back when his stupid fucking band breaks up. When he's no longer of use, when a broken up band doesn't need a director.

He's a man of empty promises; broken trust. And yet he still somehow regains it all from squeezing my moms heart in two.

The thought of going to school tomorrow is daunting. And I almost just want to stay in bed and never come out, but I know that even with my silence, my mom will still somehow force me to go. I don't know how I'll even leave my room; let alone school. I cant face the man who promised he wouldn't leave then abandoned me without a second thought. I just can't.

I fall asleep, then. The only time, I think, I can escape my mind. But when I wake up, cold sweat dripping down my brow with heavy, panted breaths, I realize that the only way I can escape my mind isn't sleep. But a small, white pill.