The Cascading Waves of Caden Lee

34

CADEN LEE

I am soaring above all else; untouchable, skin on fire and slick with a thin sheen of glistening sweat.

Not the bad kind, the kind that's accompanied with stiff muscles and a nasty cough, but the kind that has my eyes rolling into the back of my head and melting into the bed-spread. Today hasn't been eventful, not really, school was a bore and passed in a flurry of hours that I can't seem to remember.

But this—this is what i've been waiting for all day. I don't have the balls to get fucked up at school. What if I were to get caught? So I spend my days in an everlasting daydream, keeping the feelings of warmth and acceptance burrowed deep within my chest as a reminder; get through the day, and you get to feel this again.

I thought I had been home alone, but apparently not, because theres a knock at my door and I find my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach as I attempt to straighten out the unintelligible words coming from my mouth.

Another knock, "I—wait—one second!" I gasp out, stumbling upwards and leaning my back against my bed-frame.

Im expecting it to be my mom. Maybe dad if he's feeling talkative—which I hate when he does—but Jessie's face peeks through the doorway. Her eyes lock onto my figure.

"Are you okay?"

"Uhm," I cant seem to stop stuttering, "yeah." It's silent, and I can't read her face, so I add on a, "why?" at the end of my sentence.

"You just seem a little out of it," her voice is strangely hesitant, "that's all." I hum in response. Not sure what else to say, really.

She hasn't come into my room yet; hovering near the open doorway and eyes searching across my room—searching for what, I don't know.

"Okay, look," she squeezes herself through the opened door and into my room, "are you like...drunk, or something?"

"What? No!"

"Caden," a pause, then, "it's pretty obvious you're on something. I wont snitch, or whatever. But should I be worried?"

"Why would you be worried?"

"I can barely understand a word you're trying to say." As she says that, I realize how slurred my voice really is. I hadn't noticed until now. God, has it been this obvious the whole time?

I cant freak out about that right now, it's unimportant, all that's on my mind is denying whatever Jessie's currently thinking.

"Im just tired, Jessie." She raises a brow, pointedly looking me over and I return my gaze to my lap. Black shorts reaching my mid-thigh and white socks touching my calves.

She doesn't buy my words, instead she takes a seat on my desk chair and spins herself around to face me, "So, what is it? Drunk? High?"

"It's—" I almost say nothing, but the look on her face shocks me into the reality of the situation, despite the disoriented state of my mind. "Just drunk, beer, stole some from dad. You know how he is, and don't act like you haven't realized he's been drinking because I know you have."

It seems safer to say i've been drinking rather than on Oxy. It's taboo; to say i'm anything but drunk in this family. Drinking's normal, my mom has been letting me drink since I was fourteen. Not the best parenting, I imagine, but I wasn't complaining then and im definitely not complaining now for the excuse it provides.

"How much did you drink, Caden? Must've been too much if you're acting like this."

"Acting like what?" I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.