The Doctor, The Pain and The Audacity of Shane

17

Before dropping the children off at home, Sam turned to Jas and Vince and tried to set up a serious face. His whole face was still burning, but he had to stay the adult in this situation.
"Jas, Vince", he announced, "Listen. Don't tell anybody about what has happened, okay? It's very important. The adults don't need to know... they don't need to know at all."
"Why?"
Sam had already expected Jas to ask this question, but that didn't mean that he was ready for this.
"Because I say so", he said, as hard as he could, "It's just very important and we'll all get in huge trouble if you tell."
He wouldn't even want to imagine what Morris would do to the children if they told about their happenings they had just experienced.
Apparently he did a good job being serious because even Jas nodded.
"Okay."
"Promised?"
"Promised."

Carefully Sam knocked against the heavy wooden door.
"Seb?", he asked with a shaking voice. But the answer he got was even more unstable.
"Come in."
When Sam opened the door, the picture he revealed surprised him.
Sebastian wasn't lying on the bed or sitting on the PC as usual, he was tigering through the whole room. The pale thin fingers clenched around his phone and his eyes were empty, without a focus, unable to hold anything that was entering through the lense.
When Sam was in school, he had a teacher who used to dislike him due to a chain of unfortunate events. One time when he had accidentally bumped into a kid that had been annoying him, said teacher had forced him to learn some stupid poem from some stupid german guy and wouldn't let him leave until he could repeat it word by word. Sam thought he had forgotten this lines a whole while ago, but now that he stared at his boyfriend roaming through his room, almost apathetic, with no tension in his skinny shoulders, they were suddenly back and echoes through his head, as if somebody had written them especially for the picture in front of him.
His gaze has, from the passing of the bars,
grown so weary that it cannot hold.
To him, there seem to be thousand bars
and behind those thousand bars no world.
"Sebastian!", he exclaimed and stepped forward, trying to get in the way of the other man, but Seb just shook his head, dodged him and continued his circles.
"What's up?", Sam tried again.
"They cancelled it", Sebastian mumbled as a reply, "They cancelled the deal."
"Which deal-" While he was still speaking, Sam suddenly understood and gasped. His eyes widened.
"Sebastian!", he hissed, "You didn't want to... get new stuff right?"
He got no reply, but the silence spoke more than a thousand words could ever say.
"Seb", Sam broke the silence that had spread, "You said that you could stop at any time."
His boyfriend didn't even look at him. He had stopped in the middle of his circle and gnawed on his fingernails.
"I can!", he groaned with an unsteady voice, "Just not... right now. I have work to do!"
"Hey. HEY! Calm down, please, okay?"
Sam headed over to his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder, still unable to catch his eyes.
"Don't you see what's happening with you? Seb, this stuff got full control of you!" He felt his eyes getting glassy. "You need to stop this!"
The smooth pace, the strong and supple stride,
that circles in the smallest space,
is like a dance of force around a middle,
in which a strong will’s paralysed.
"I can't", Sebastian muttered. At least he finally admitted it. But from the tone in his voice, Sam could tell that this wasn't the second where it became clear to his friend.
He knew.
He knew that he was an addict.
"Listen, Sam, f-fuck!" Sebastian digged a hand in his hair. "I-I know that this whole thing... might have slipped out of hand a bit, fuck. I really didn't mean to. Fucking hell." He gasped for air.
"But... I CAN get out of this whenever I want. It's... just not the right moment. Currently it's a bad situation." He clenched his teeth together. "Sam, I..."
His voice broke.
"I need this fucking dose right now or I'll collapse. I..."
Before he could finish his sentence, Sam had stepped forward, grabbed the chin of his boyfriend and pressed his lips onto the ones of Seb, shutting him up with a kiss.
"You don't need it", he whispered as they parted after a second.
Sebastian's lips, no, his whole face was shaking.
"S-sam", he gasped, slowly leaning his head forwards to kiss his boy once more. Sam felt something wet and warm running down his cheeks.
Sebastian was crying. He was crying like a little boy and it was the most understandable thing ever.
"Just because I could stop it every time... doesn't mean that I can stop it right now."
Sam felt every movement on Seb's face.
"And I NEED a dose right now. I... I gonna die if I don't."
He twisted out of Sam's grab, stumbled backwards and turned around.
"And I gonna GET one, if it'll cost my life."
With this words, he headed out of the room, leaving Sam even more lonely and empty as before.
Only at times the pupil's veil
Lifts without a sound -. He's able to see
An image, that runs through the rigid body
and in heart ceases to be...