The Doctor, The Pain and The Audacity of Shane

19

In the life of an addict, the drug stood over everything. Even close relationships, like those to friends, family, the own partnership became blurred - incidental. There was no vision on love, trust and affection anymore. All that counted was the next booze, even if that meant to betray everybody they loved.
All that counted for an addict was to numb the pain by feeding the own addiction.

Harvey felt all blood leaving his face, if not his whole body, and going- wherever, it wasn't important at this point.
He felt Sebastian's finger shaking on his throat. His palm was sweating.
"Sebastian!" Horrified, Harvey grabbed the wrists of the boy who held him that close. He tried to pull this hands off him, but Sebastian didn't let go off him. "What are you even talking about...? What medicine?!"
"The boostes." The breath of the other man was heavy. "You have some of that stuff." Sebastian had lowered his head and softly nibbled on the earlobe of the doctor. "J-just... just give it to me! I'll do anything."
His hand slid down the throat of the man, came to rest on his chest and drew a tight circle.
"What do you want me to do? Shall I suck it for you? You want me to rubb it? Or do you want my ass? I can turn around any time, just tell me..."
Harvey was to distracted by the confusing words of Sebastian to react in any way when the younger man now all of a sudden shoved his fingertips underneath the belt of the doctor, right into his boxershorts-
"Sebastian! Stop it right now!"
Harvey hated himself for the fact that he thought about it for a short, short second. Only a moment where he hadn't been himself due to the surprise and shock.
"Get your hands off me! What on earth are you doing?"
It could be imagination, but the pale cheeks of Sebastian got even more white. Apparently realising what he had done, he immediately pulled his hands out of Harvey's pants and stumbled backwards, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His eyes where still nervous, they just found no focus and where empty, even more empty than those of Shane, with not a spark of life left in them - but he seemed to have a second of clarity.
"I-I...", he stumbled, "I am sorry this... wasn't what I intended to do..."
He caught his pullover and tried to hold it in front of his upper body, as if to protect his bare chest from the view of Harvey who he had touched completely unrestrained only a second ago. "I... I gonna leave." His voice was so raw and husky, he must've smoked more than usual in the past days. "Cancel my annual check up... you'll never see me again."
"Sebastian!" With fast steps, Harvey rushed between his vistors and the door. "I hope you are aware that what you have just done is unacceptable. That's sexual assault." He raised his hands. Below his rips, his heart was still rushing, causing a sudden sickness to rise up from his stomach into his mouth. Just. Stay. Calm. He told himself over and over.
"But...", he breathed in, "... don't you think we should have a talk for a second? About... what you just told me?"
No answer. Sebastian stared into one corner and bit his lips. There was blood dripping out of them. He nodded in silence.
"Take a seat." Harvey tried to set up a soothing but professional voice. "And get dressed again, please."
He turned around to close the door that still stood wide open from Sebastians slam - and flinched as heavily as before when his eyes met those of Shane.
The other man was leaning on the wall opposite of his office. Far enough to not hear what they just talked about, but near enough to have seen it all.
"Excuse me for one second-!"
Harvey slammed the door behind him and rushed over to Shane.
"What in earth are you doing here?!", he gasped, "You should be lying down!" Actually, he wanted to deliver an explanation, but what was he supposed to say? 'It's not what it looked like?' Well, but it was what it looked like.
Something in Shanes eyes stopped him. There was barely any expression anymore, just a dark, lifeless void staring back at him.
"Is this how it goes at your check-ups, yeah?", he coughed after a moment, "Young men enter your office and immediately undress? I'm sorry. I didn't want to disturb you and your little friend in there. Go ahead and have the fun of your life while mine goes the fuck downhill. We aren't even on the hill no more, but we're still going down." He gasped for air. "But sure. Go and fuck your little lover, he seems pretty needy right? Don't let me disturb you."
"Shane!"
Harvey sprinted after his patient who now turned around and limbed over to the lounger room again.
His words had felt like a punch in the stomach - not because of the message, he could explain that, but because of the way how hurt Shane had sound. As if what he had just seen had cut down deep into his guts for some reason Harvey didn't dared to name.
He needed to explain what has happened, and might it sound as unbelievable and surreal as it was!
His head was spinning, his breath went irregular. He shouldn't have gone out of bed today... neither yesterday.
And then, everything went wrong.
"You have to lay down again!", he gasped into the direction of Shane, "Please, your wounds-"
"Am going to." Shane didn't look at him. Every intonation had faded from his voice.
"Don't get upset now, please...! I can explain, this didn't mean anything..."
He just couldn't find the right words, they just wouldn't come out right. It was a disaster. There was no other word to describe it.
Suddenly, an ice cold glare hit him.
"Oh, yeah?", Shane growled silently, "Wait, let me guess."
He made a break for a heartbeat.
"Yesterday night meant nothing either, right?"