I know what I am doing

Chapter 1

" Bring the car home Seb"

Sebastian's devilish streak overcame him, he couldn't resist.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what in doing"

A smile formed on his lips, glad he could still some how associate his friend in an appositive way with this race, by imitating his infamous words, even though Sebastian had been informed that Kimi hadn't made it past the first lap and definitely wouldn't be joining him on the podium to share the champagne.

As Seb pulled into parc ferme, he was already anticipating the scene. The crowds there to congratulate him, the team watching him from below the podium and the added gift of his parents witnessing his complete domination at the Abu Dhabi circuit. However, a curious, cold, sadness then filled him, Kimi wouldn't be there. Again. Why was this playing on his mind now? Why in one of the greatest moments of his life, well since the last greatest moment of his life, was he thinking about him?

He was soon brought back to the euphoric reality when he spied his parents in the crowd. The look of pride and love that filled there eyes was enough to push the feelings of sadness away. For now.

After the podium ceremony, press conferences and media commitments, Sebastian headed to retire to his motor home. He wasn't quite quick enough to sneak away, however, as his fellow German caught up with him.

"Are you coming to the party tonight at the hotel lounge?" said an exuberant Nico Rosberg.

Nico never really need an excuse for a party, but he had come third in the race. This seemed to be the Mercedes aim for the season and "best of the rest" seemed to be Nico's favourite saying just now. Personally, Seb couldn't understand it.
Seb considered his words carefully. He knew if he said no, then Nico would pursue him and try and convince him to come, so instead he opted to say yes and think up some excuse when he wasn't under pressure. Bad idea.

Nico's face changed, he raised his eyebrow in almost a shocked way, but just as quickly changed it back to a friendly smile.

"Ok, i'll pick you up at 9, we can go together, you can be my date" And with that, he turned on his heels, and swayed towards the Mercedes motor home. Seb was left surprised by what he'd gotten himself into, but more so by the little wink Nico had gave as he left.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

After a debrief and final words of congratulations to the team of such a good job, Seb headed back to his hotel. Once he got in the door, he threw himself down on the bed with a soft flump. What a day, what a dominance he'd had over everyone. Almost a perfect race, apart from not quite getting that fastest lap and one other small matter, which seemed to be a huge deal to him. Kimi's retirement.
Seb had heard rumours that Kimi had already left the country, he'd refused to talk to anyone and just, well, left.

"Sounds like Kimi" Seb said to himself with a mix of distaste and humour in his voice. Not to mention a small smile that formed on his lips and the snigger that left them.
Seb lay there for a while, longer that he registered, just wondering what Kimi was up to now. Was he still in the country, was he in some bar somewhere drowning his sorrows, or was he lying on his bed reflecting on what could have been, just like Seb.
Sebastian suddenly became aware of his actions. He had one had behind his head and the other was absentmindedly touching his crotch. In disbelief and horror, Seb quickly sat bolt upright. It took a minute for him to register just what he'd been doing and after some thought, he decided to put it down to coincidence; two separate things that happened to collide. His sadness at his friend's untimely exit from the race and the fact he hadn't had time to himself for things like touching himself for a few days.

A buzz from his pocket brought him back to reality. It was Nico.

"Be ready in 20, get you in the lobby," The text simply said.

"Shit" Seb muttered. Not only had he forgot to make his excuses about not going to the party but he was also going to be late for the party he didn't have an excuse not to go too.

He quickly undressed whilst the water warmed up in the shower. When in, he just stood there, letting the water cleanse all the sweat, champagne and tension from his skin and bones. With his head bowed and his arms hanging loosely by his side, Seb almost became hypnotised by the sound of the water flowing down his head and past his ears. He enjoyed these moments of complete nothingness where no thoughts fill his head. Except this time a thought did fill his head. Kimi. Just his face. His ice blue/grey eyes staring, looking into his soul, his soft pale lips with the smile most people barely get to see etched on them.

It was then he became aware of the heat radiating in his groin, an unmistakable feeling of arousal. Seb's eyes opened and confirmed his suspicions.

"What the..."

Was he really getting hard at the thought of his friend? He'd always admired Kimi, but not in that way he thought.

Seb stroked his stomach and chest with his soapy cloth, head still bowed and transfixed on his ever-growing semi. He also registered how much more sensitive his body felt, especially when running the cloth over his collar bone, navel and his nipples that were growing rosier by the second. Yes, it definitely felt like arousal.

He carried on cleaning, thinking of anything other than Kimi, but the Finn kept sneaking into his thoughts. After cleaning his entire body, apart from his now fully hard cock, he'd came to the conclusion, there was only one way to understand what he was feeling, and that was to confront it.

Seb threw the soapy cloth down on the shower floor and then hesitated. After a final contemplation he placed one hand on the cold tiles of the shower and the other hand on his warm cock. Seb barely had a second to register the difference in the temperature between the two before the sensation over took him. It was instantaneous and intense as he stroked his thumb over his reddening, precum covered head. His neck snapped back and the thought of Kimi reappeared in his imagination.

Slowly but firmly, Seb began to set a rhythm that felt right. The hot water was still flowing down over his head, past his shoulders, down his chest past his aching nipples that were now hyper sensitive, and into his groin to meet his hand.
Seb's imagination was beginning to fabricate scenarios. He thought of Kimi with his fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking it so agonisingly slowly but firmly, finally begging to pick up speed. Seb slowly turned his back to the wall to steady himself, as he could feel his legs beginning to fail him but it also gave him his other hand free to tease his balls, feeling the tightening already beginning to happen. Seb closed his eyes and with a few final rough, firm strokes of his cock, he was descending into ecstasy.
After the swirly fog of the intense orgasm lifted, Seb stood in the shower, once again with his head bowed and arms heavy by his side. His mind, however, wasn't blank. It was more active than it had been for a long time. It was full of confusion, questioning and some disgust at what he'd just done. His head was full of Kimi.

"I know what in doing" Seb muttered in a questioning tone as he subconsciously washed his body for the second time, shut off the water and stepped out the shower.

As he past the mirror that was clearing of steam, he caught his reflection. Looking at his face, he saw in his eyes all that he was feeling at that moment.

" I know what I'm doing" He repeated more confidently this time, but in his heart, still questioning if he was making a statement or asking a question.

This is the first chapter of my book, I hope you like it -jake