I know what I am doing

Chapter 4

Sebastian stood dumbstruck in front of Kimi. He allowed himself to penetrate the eyes he adored so much, noticing the look suspicion arising in them.
He couldn't deal with this just now, he couldn't see Kimi at this moment. He needed to get his head together but more importantly he needed to sober up. Drink had got him into enough trouble tonight already. Well that was his excuse anyway.

Kimi stared at the still silent German, wondering what his problem was.

"You ok Sebastian, you look like shit. Are you drunk?" Kimi finished the sentence with a small laugh, he knew Sebastian wasn't really drinker, so revelled in the thought of seeing his friend wasted.

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak but nothing was possible. Instead he settled for a hearty sigh.

Luckily enough, Kimi was lost in his own problems to notice the lack of response from Seb too much. Kimi put his hand out automatically to stop the elevator door from closing on the two men who were still standing on the threshold. He then moved aside, gesturing to Sebastian to step inside.

Sebastian responded, walking into the elevator with his head bowed. Kimi reached past him to press the 4th floor button, allowing Sebastian to revel in his close proximity and his natural aroma. It made him close his eyes, willing himself to keep composure.

"Don't you answer your phone anyway? I wanted to tell you my news." Kimi stated.

Sebastian muttered to the ground something about not having his phone at hand, then the curiosity of what Kimi's news was brought him back to some sense of reality.

"News?" He asked, flickering his eyes to meet Kimi's before averting them down to the very interesting spot on the floor he had found.

Kimi gave a large sigh, shook his head slowly and pouted his lips, "I'm finished for the season."

Sebastian's head snapped up. "Finished? But I thought you had sorted everything out with Lot-"

"Lotus are not the reason" Kimi said, waving a hand in dismissal.

The elevator door opened at the 4th floor and Kimi walked out. A now very curious and anxious Sebastian Vettel followed.

A million and one things ran through Sebastian's head as he walked along the hotel corridor with Kimi. Why leave with two races to go when Lotus were no longer an issue? Why leave this late on? Why was he leaving him?

Kimi stopped at a room and pulled out a key card from his back trouser pocket. It was only then did Sebastian register where he was.

As they entered Kimi's hotel room, Sebastian thought about how his situation couldn't get any worse. He'd in a single day, realised he had sexual feeling for one of his closest friends, tried to burry the feelings by copping off with another friend and now he was in Kimi's room, drunk, confused and in need of answers. He had to ask the question.

Sebastian sat perched on the edge of the sofa, just like he had in Nico's room. He was wringing his hands, thinking of the right way to ask Kimi what he needed to know but not sound overly anxious.

"Kimi, I'm confused." He began, managing to find his voice and his confidence to be face to face with Kimi, who was now sitting next to him. "If you've sorted everything with Lotus, what's the problem?"

Kimi sat back and rested his neck on the back of the sofa. "It's my back, I've decided to get surgery next week on it. I've been thinking about it for a while, since my flare up and after today..." He shook his head in disbelief, "Well I don't think I can offer anymore to Lotus. I need to think of myself." His voice trailed off at the end.

Sebastian noted the sadness in his voice, it made him ache to recognise this decision was a difficult one for Kimi. He was close to Kimi, he knew him personally, all his quirks, his habits and his passions. Passion number one, was racing. No, this decision would not have been an easy one for him, no matter how much he'd been mucked around by Lotus this season.