𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐝𝐞 𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐞

4 | peace

potential triggering chap

I sit there, staring at myself. The room was dim, the only light from the small window on the back wall that shone inside. Even the door out had a mirror on it.

I don't know what this is supposed to do for me. If anything, it's better than the basement.

Oh was I terribly wrong.

-

Hours felt like days, and I couldn't look anywhere without seeing myself. Sleeping was hard because every time I turned over and opened my eyes, I would see myself staring back.

It's like everywhere I looked, I was there, and so I could never fully get alone. Sometimes when I was bored, I would talk to myself, no one was there to respond, but it was fun watching my mouth move.

I started a little family of toe and fingernails too, they were a messy group.

I started to get hungry by the middle of day two, and I only knew that because of the window.

"Eat the toenails," I said.

"I heard you can crunch into your fingers like carrots but your brain won't let you."

"Pfft- that's not true."

"Oh yes it is. Try it."

"No I'm not eating my fingers!"

"Eat your skin then."

"What? How?"

"Break the mirror."

I look to the mirror next to me to see myself staring back. Yet, it wasn't me. She was smiling, and her skin was pale and ghostly. Her eyes were dark, darker than mine. But when I blinked, she went away, and it was me again.

I'm going to take a nap now.

-

"Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up."

The whispers came from all around getting louder and louder.

"You're hungry."

My stomach growls right as they say it. I turn to the mirror again, staring at the strange reflection, "I have no food."

"Eat your skin, Larissa. It's the only way. Here, just punch me."

I furrow my brows in confusion.

"Break the mirror and tear at your skin."

I go on my knees, inching toward the reflection.

"Go on," She says, "Just punch me and eat. You'll feel much better."

I grab the edges of the mirror. I was so close to her now. She had red, dark eyes and a wide smile. Drool was pooling at her lips, slowly curling over her lip and down her chin.

"Do it," another voice says.

"Break the mirror."

"Cut a chuck of your skin."

"Eat! Eat! Eat!"

I couldn't take the voices anymore.

"Then kill yourself."

I felt tears rush to my eyes as I smash the mirror to the floor. The glass breaks, and scatters across the floor.

"Cut your wrists open!" One whispers.

"Bleed out. No one will care."

"Do it!"

"Slice your neck!"

"Eat your skin."

My head was pounding and my hands were trembling as I grabbed the sharp edge. When I turned it over to the reflective side, there I was, smiling.

"Do it." It says finally.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was starving, my limbs were weak and my eyes could barely stay open and when they did get open, all I could see was me. I wasn't alone, I was surrounded by my thoughts that wouldn't leave me alone.

I cried as I held the edge up to my skin, watching in blurred vision as it tore into my skin. The sound of skin breaking and veins snapping filled my ears and the rush of blood was fast and overwhelming. It flowed down my arm, dripping onto the floor.

I dropped the mirror before I could do the other arm, then fell onto the floor. Above me, myself, but she wasn't smiling.

She laid there, tears staining her face as she fell quiet, shocked. There next to her, a growing pool of dark, almost black, blood.

This felt like peace, I was at peace.

But the door rattles, then flies open.

"I heard- oh no. Oh no, no, no."

My reflection gets replaced by the face of the man who put me in here. His eyes were full of concern as he fell to his knees.

"Oh no. I didn't mean for this to happen. No, no, no, no."

His arms snake under me, picking me up as he runs out of the door. My reflection follows us on the ceiling, and in every mirror a new expression. The last being a smile and a wave.

He brings me into the bedroom, laying me down gently before he opens the drawer next to his bed.

"Fuck!" He yells after slamming the drawer close.

"Don't fall asleep," He says before running out of the room. The space under me started to get warm, and I could feel it move over my entire back.

I don't know why I felt so drowsy, I barely cut anything.

When he comes back, he grabs my arm and starts wrapping cloth around it. When he finishes, he ties it tight, then pulls me up until I was sitting upward.

He wraps his arms around me, holding me close to him. His face was buried into my neck and his cheeks were warm.

"I'm hungry," I manage out, immediately making him pull back.

"Okay, okay. I'll get you something. Stay here."

He lowers me back down into the warmth of my own blood, then runs out the door again.

He came back with a box of opened saltine crackers, and he pulls out an unopened one before throwing the box to the floor. He then climbs onto the bed, and I hear his back hit the headboard before he grabs under my arms, and pulls me into his chest.

I lay between his legs, then he rips open the plastic, pulling out a cracker before holding it in front of my face. I lean my face forward, and close my lips around the cracker before pulling it back. My head rested on his shoulder as I slowly let the cracker melt in my mouth.

As I swallow my first, I watch as Noah's hand crawls up my bloody arm, intertwining our fingers before his head falls onto the back of my shoulder.

"You scared me."

"You scared me," I whisper back, "You did this to me."

"I know," He says softly, his voice breaking, "I wasn't thinking."

"Two. Days. You left me in there for... two days."

He starts crying, "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!"

I fall silent. I'm tired, all this talking has made me tired.

"I want to sleep."

He sniffles, then shifts down the mattress, the blood wasn't warm anymore, and it was cold and wet, but he didn't care.

His body kept me warm, and in his arms, despite his actions, I felt at peace.

"Please forgive me."

I close my lips tight, then my eyes, letting my hand go limp in his.