11:11 \\ mgc [completed]

13:00

["sink beneath the waters to the coral sands below" - the eleven, grateful dead]

I brushed my fingers on the picture frame you got me. You were smiling, and my head was thrown back with laughter. Your hair was messy, as always. You looked carefree, in love, and so did I.

What went wrong?

I felt numb, but I couldn't cry. When I cried you became sad too, and I didn't want that. I knew you'd left me because I wasn't worth your time.

But no matter how useless I felt, I deserved an explanation. Just saying that it was you and not me could never rest my mind, because I knew you wouldn't do anything wrong.

So with shaking hands, I brought out my phone. I dialled your number, but you didn't pick up. The line went straight to voicemail.

"I love you," I said, "and I'm sorry."

I then dialled my best friend's number, and I knew she would pick up. But she didn't. It was unlike her.

When no one picked up my calls, I grew restless. Had I got drunk and hooked up with someone? Had someone spread a rumour about me? What had I done?

I tried to calm down; tried being happy, but I couldn't do it. My therapist had told me to just close my eyes and think of all the positive things in life. But what was positive, when you were gone?