11:11 \\ mgc [completed]

00:00

[artist recommendation: marina and the diamonds]

As soon as the clock struck 12, I jolted out of my trance. The number 12 reminded me of Cinderella, your favourite movie. It also reminded me of your lame attempts at joking about the movie. ("Why can't cindrella play football ?" "Because she wears glass sandals?" "No, because she keeps running from the ball." "I am so done with you.")

People told me heartbreak was painful, shattering; but it actually wasn't. It was a feeling of hollowness, like someone had ripped out your heart and stomped on it several times before flinging it off somewhere. It felt like there were worms clawing into the cavity above your ribs, trying to clear out pieces of what was left of your heart. You felt empty, helpless. It didn't seem like the end of the world, but it certainly didn't feel like you'd stop moping around sometime soon, either.

It was my first actual heartbreak, and you were the heartbreaker. It didn't make sense, because in the past few years you were the one saving my heart from falling apart, and yet in the end you were the one who ripped it apart.

You didn't do anything. All you said was that it was not me but you, but it was still enough to make me break down. It was ironic, how a sentence from you could either light up my life or snatch away all the happiness I'd ever had.

I believed it was my fault, because I fell in love. Falling meant breaking, collapsing. I broke myself the moment I fell, and for a long time you somehow held together pieces of me, unknowingly saving me. But as you left, all those pieces came apart. Did you fall out of love, and did my love for you try to cushion the impact?

Whatever it was, I knew I wasn't intact. I felt betrayed, used, but my love for you was undying. I knew that the moment you'd say you wanted me back, I'd run back to you, somehow hauling every single part of me. And then you'd put me back again, maybe love me again.

I hated myself for knowing that no matter how many times you played with my heart, I couldn't possibly unlove you.