11:11 \\ mgc [completed]

03:00

["i know that when you sit and pray, you're only praying for keeps" - holy, pvris]

The Mayor was pressing charges.

Nobody had to say the sentence to me, because I could figure it out by myself. They'd said something about taking you to the juvenile jail the next day, and why else would they do it if not because of that reason?

The guilt was clawing up my insides, overtaking my being. Even though I was fully dressed, I was shivering. Shivering because of fear.

You'd made it obvious that you were far away mentally, I couldn't let the same happen to your physical self. I needed to be near you, feel your presence, even if you didn't.

Your parents hadn't come to visit you. had someone informed them, or did they think you were out partying and doing drugs like they always did? You were misunderstood, slammed for your company. They thought that the people who hung around you weakened you; spoiled you, but what they didn't understand was that you strengthened them. Because you were the type of person who would give up everything for the person they loved.

I knew I couldn't ever be like you, but I wanted to. I wanted to be that person who could save their beloved ones; protect them. I always thought I could protect you when it came to it, but turns out you took the fall for me.

Relationships were about give and take, but all I had ever done was take. And I wanted to give, wanted to prove to you that I could be the stronger one, could drag you through sorrows.

But how could I, when I caused the sorrows myself?

begin rant:

i read this over this story and i must admit: the protagonist is too attached to her boyfriend, too in-love, maybe.

and it does sound like she's dependant on a her boyfriend, but i am not implying that girls need boys in their lives. i am all for independent women, but you must understand: when the murky water of a quicksand is pulling you in, someone must pull you out.

it can be a guy, a girl, a grandma; that doesn't matter. what matters is that they helped you.

it was a guy in the protagonist's case, and before you slam me for making the girl sound too weak, just imagine: your parents died, maybe you have anorexia, maybe you're depressed (it may be something else altogether for my mc, but i do not want to go into the details) and someone comes in your life, feeds you, makes you smile. won't they grow on you overtime? won't you learn to love them, if just platonically?

this story is about heartbreak, [i am writing it from the experience from when my goldfish died] and anything other than that is just a plot i make up as i go. i have not thought over the story, nor have i developed the characters. they are raw, and so is the story.

and i am not editing the story, because i don't want a perfect character. i don't want a girl who cries for two hours then suddenly turns bad and dates the playboy to make her ex jealous. what i want is a girl who has been through pain so many times that it doesn't even cross her mind to act up; a girl who is numb, but cannot stop thinking as to why it happened with her.

i'm sorry i bored you to death, and i hope you're enjoying my grief [i named it nemo, my brother's dory lived longer]

end rant.