You Saved Me!

~*Chapter 36: Louis*~

Harry had finally cried himself to sleep thirty minutes ago. I just sat there and watched him sleep as I thought about how I'd walked away from him earlier.

Fook . If only he'd had just told me once he'd found out about the baby, I would have handled things so differently.

I put my head down in my hands and felt the tears coming again. This was entirely my fault. Just like Niall had said, I'd left them both to run to some nutcase whose only goal was to tear me away from the only person I'd ever love.

Our baby is gone. I never even got to place my hand on his stomach to talk to the baby. I never had one second to just enjoy the idea of being a parent with Harry .

God, I can't imagine how scared he must have been this last week. I knew something was different about him. I haven't even gotten a chance to just hold him. I just wanted to comfort him.

I stood up and pulled out my cell phone. It was about to die, there was no way I was going to my truck to get the charger. With my luck, Harry would wake up and find me gone.

The nurse had come in earlier and said that Harry would be able to leave tomorrow morning. I walked over to the side of his bed. He'd managed to roll over on his side even though I knew he was in pain from his ribs. I had to smile when he kept cussing out the doctor, insisting his ribs had to be broken because he was in so much pain.

I love this man so damn much.

I needed to hold him. I crawled onto the bed and tried to very gently lie down next to him. I didn't want to touch him for fear of waking him up or, worse yet, hurting him.

"It's about fooking time you got in bed with me. "

I smiled and then let out a laugh. There's my boy.

"I want to hold you, Haz, but I'm afraid I'll hurt you, baby. "

"Please, Louis . Please just hold me. I need to feel you. "

That was all I needed. Moving closer to him, I gently put my arm around him. I felt him relax instantly.

I was just about to fall asleep when he started to talk to me.

"I'm so scared, Louis . "

"Why are you scared, baby?"

"What if I can't have kids?"

"What? Harry , why would you even think that? People have miscarriages and then have other kids all the time. "

"Do you think I'll be a good dad? I mean, like my parents? If we do have a child with Fragile X, can I. Deal with it like Gemma?"

I leaned over and kissed the back of his head. I wanted nothing more than to just take him away from all of this. If only I could turn the hands of the clock back to this morning, I would have never walked away from him.

"Harry , I have no doubt in my mind, baby, that you're going to be a wonderful dad. I see you with Ryder. I see the love and patience you have with him. I'm in awe when I watch you. I love you, Haz, and I'm so sorry I did this to you. "

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and I could tell he was crying.

Then, for the hundredth time tonight, the guilt hit me like a brick wall. All I wanted to do was call Briana and tell her how much I hated her. What good would that do though?

"Louis?"

I cleared my throat and attempted to talk.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I really started to love the idea of having our baby. I feel like I took that away from you. Just because we lost her doesn't mean that you shouldn't have been able to feel the same joy I felt. But now...now, I just feel like a huge part of me is missing, like I just lost the most precious gift ever, and I never even gave you the chance to feel it also. What type of person does that make me?"