The Magic School for the Utterly Hopeless (Completed/First Draft)

Chapter One

'Mikey, the carriage to school will be here shortly. You don't want to miss your first day.'

That's my mom.

And I actually really do want to miss it. Like really, really, do. It's just so embarrassing.

Why couldn't they name the school something different. Like the Magic School for the Not Quite There Yet But Will Get There Eventually. Okay, maybe that's a bit too long. What about The Magic School for Late Bloomers? Yeah, that sounds better.

But no, they had to call it The Magic School for the Utterly Hopeless. Seriously, whoever named it, did they wake up on the wrong side of a dragon or something? It's just incredibly mean.

I wanted to go to the Academy for the Gifted -- that's the best magic school in the city -- but I failed the entrance exam. They wanted me to change a flower from yellow to purple. Of course that didn't happen. Instead, I made the flower carnivorous.

That's right. CARNIVOROUS. It ate the witch giving me the exam. Yikes, right? She wasn't injured or anything, which is good, just mad. And I'm pretty sure she hexed me because for weeks after I couldn't stop sneezing. Although, that could've been the infestation of Shnozmites in my bedroom.

After that catastrophe, I took the entrance exam for the second best magic school, Mr Adalwin's School for Magic. I was only supposed to fill a cup with water using a spell they gave me. Long story short, the whole school flooded. It was like a waterpark in there but without the fun. Another yikes.

The Marvelous Institution was next. Obviously, that didn't go well either. I had to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I pulled a hare instead. Not so bad, eh? Wrong. For some strange reason, the hare grew and grew and grew. It almost reached the highest room in the school until a dozen or so witches and wizards got it under control. Triple yikes. I mean, you should've seen the turds it made. Talk about giant cannonballs just plopping down everywhere. Oh, the screaming.

I knew I was going to fail those exams but you have to try, right? And I continued to try. I took the entrance exams for the twelve other magic schools in the city, the last being The Magic School for the Utterly Hopeless. It's by far the worst magic school around.

I'll give a comparison. While all the other schools are like candy, The Magic School for the Utterly Hopeless is like week-old boiled cabbage. I've never actually had week-old boiled cabbage before but it has to be terrible.

'Mikey! Now! I won't tell you again!'

'Coming, mom.'

Glancing down at my school uniform, I huff.

It's a red tunic. Not a fancy cape or robe like the uniforms at other magic schools, an ordinary, stinking tunic. And why are they red? To warn everyone about us or something? Like a danger sign? Stay away from these magical morons or you'll be sorry.

I grab my school bag and go downstairs. Taking my sweet time of course.

Mom's waiting.

'Red suits you,' she says with a warm smile, her brown eyes gleaming. They're the same color as mine.

She's just trying to make me feel better. It's not working. I don't think anything can make me feel better.

'Thanks,' I say glumly.

'I know this isn't what you wanted but you need to make the most of it,' she says, wrapping her arms around me. 'You'll have a great day I'm sure. A great year.'

I honestly doubt that but I nod.

She gives me a peck on the cheek, wishes me all the best and sends me outside. The weather is as bad as my mood. Grey.

I don't wait long before the school carriage fumbles down the cobbled street.

And just wow. JUST. WOW. That's a whole lot of sarcasm, by the way.

The carriage is so rundown it's not even funny. The back wheels are wobbling all over the place and there's so much rust. The squeaking it's making is hurting my ears. It sounds like a fairy's been trapped in a blender or something.

Surely someone could've sprinkled a bit of pixie dust to make it look and sound better. Okay, maybe a lot of pixie dust. A whole wheelbarrow of the stuff. No, a cartful. It really is that bad.

I shake my head in envy.

Other schools send magic carpets, magic elevators, flying brooms, enchanted ziplines, majestic beasts, and epic portals to pick up their students. And I get this.

IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR.

And what's more embarrassing, the name of the school is written on the side of the carriage.

The Magik Schol for the Uterly Hopless.

Really? They didn't even spell it right. Hopless? I can hop. A quick spelling spell would've fixed that. I'd do it but who knows what would happen. I'd probably blow up the carriage or something. Come to think of it, maybe I should try it then. Just kidding.

The wizard driving the carriage is old. He has white, crazy hair and looks so grumpy as if this is the last thing he wanted to do.

Tell me about it.

Almost running over my feet, the empty carriage stops right in front of me. I'm the first student being picked up.

'Mikey Draxon?' the old wizard grumbles. He waves away a fly buzzing around his head.

Sheesh, does he have to say my name so loudly?

But I whimper back, 'That's me.'

'In you get.'

Before I have a chance to sit down, the carriage starts moving. I tumble backwards and almost fall out.

Great start, eh. More sarcasm.