The Magic School for the Utterly Hopeless (Completed/First Draft)

Chapter Four

Everyone's quietly eating their lunch when Mr Nos decides to wake up.

Yeah, we have to bring our own lunches while all the other schools have amazing dining halls and students get served roast this, roast that and incredible desserts at every meal.

Oh, the desserts. I've heard there are cakes, like chocolate-breathing dragon cake, and candy, like slithering silly snakes -- those are the best and obviously Hank's favorite. They're like gummy worms but bigger.

'What time is it?' yawns Mr Nos.

'It's noon,' I reply.

'Really? That was a good nap then. And I guess we should get started but I see you're all in the middle of eating so we'll wait until you're finished.'

Yep, he goes back to sleep.

It's two hours before school's over when he wakes up again. And after numerous more yawns and stretches, he leads us outside and to a grove of pine trees.

'Get in line,' Mr Nos says.

We all do.

'To make things levitate, or to cast any spell for that matter, you need to concentrate. Picture what you want the spell to do. And of course say the magic word.'

'Please?' says Peni.

He did not just say that.

'No, the incantation.' Mr Nos is looking at Peni as if he's lost it. 'This is going to be worse than last year I can tell. Just -- just watch.' He then stares intently at a pinecone on the ground. 'Iskaru.'

The pinecone lifts off the ground. He then makes it fly around with complete control.

I gotta say, it's pretty spectacular. Maybe I have it all wrong about him.

'Now all of you try it but one at a time please. For everyone's safety.' Mr Nos then gestures to Eddy.

Eddy's concentration face just looks like his angry face. Seriously, there's absolutely no difference.

'Iskaru.' The pinecone he's staring at starts to roll. 'ISKARU!' It rolls away even more before disappearing behind a rock. Eddy kicks the ground, cursing.

'Rolling is better than nothing,' says Mr Nos. He points to Emily. 'Now, you.'

In her tiny voice, Emily says, 'Iskaru.'

Nothing happens.

'You'll need to say the spell a lot louder than that.'

Barely a change in volume, Emily repeats, 'Iskaru.'

'Louder.'

'Iskaru!'

'Louder.'

Emily flushes. 'Iskaru!'

'Louder.'

Then to everyone's surprise, Emily yells the spell and her pinecone zips into the air with speed, almost hitting Mr Nos.

'Dripping dragon boogers,' he belts as the pinecone soars above the trees. 'That was quite something.'

Sheesh. It sure was. That nearly took his head off.

Hank is next.

'Iskaru.'

Nothing.

Hank shouts it like Emily but it still doesn't move.

I then see him blowing from the corner of his mouth. Actually everyone one sees and we all start laughing.

'Did you really think that would work?' I ask.

'Worth a try,' grumbles Hank.

'Next!' says Mr Nos.

That's me.

I glance down at the pinecone at my feet and imagine it levitating. 'Iskaru.' The pinecone spins around several times before coming to a stop. I try again with the same result.

I'm not surprised.

'Again, that's better than nothing,' says Mr Nos.

But it's not over.

Like the hare from the entrance exam for The Marvelous Institution, it begins to grow.

'Everyone back up please,' says Mr Nos, looking more annoyed than anything else. 'Let me handle this.' He pulls out his wand and says, 'Qarni.'

I don't know what that's supposed to do but the pinecone keeps growing.

'Back away some more,' says Mr Nos.

Soon, the pinecone is as big as me.

'Qarni. Qarni Kivi.' Mr Nos flicks his wand with force and a flash of red shoots out and engulfs the engorged pinecone.

That does the trick. The pinecone stops growing.

Phew.

Rachel's after me.

'Iskaru!' she shouts.

Her pinecone starts shaking until a thin black tail pops out and starts wriggling.

'Slithering silly snakes,' says Hank.

Yeah, that's freaky.

The pinecone then sprouts legs and feet and begins running around, sending everyone jumping like maniacs.

But with one swish of his wand, Mr Nos turns the pinecone back to normal.

'I'm not impressed,' says Rachel, her head down.

'I'm not either,' Mr Nos adds. He points to Peni. 'You.'

'Iskaru,' says Peni.

Nothing happens to his pinecone. Well, at the beginning. A minute later the pinecone bursts into flames.

Peni scrambles and stamps out the fire with his shoes.

'Sorry about that,' he says as Mr Nos moans loudly. 'That's never happened before. I've never ever produced fire in my life. I think I'm just really nervous. Although, my great-great grandmother was excellent at making fireballs. Maybe it's in my blood or something. Wouldn't that be cool? I'd love to make fireballs like her. She could --'

'Please stop,' interrupts Mr Nos. 'It's bad enough without you going on and on. Let's try another spell, shall we. Something a baby could manage.'

I see a vein form on Eddy's forehead.

I mean, did he really have to say that?

'Tormesa is used to vanquish light.' Mr Nos takes out a small glass orb and touches it with his wand. It lights up. He says, 'Tormesa,' and the light goes out. 'Remember to concentrate.' He then hands the re-lit orb to Peni.

'Tormesa.'

The orb doesn't burst into flames but gets brighter and brighter until we're all shading our eyes with our hands.

'Make it stop,' bellows Rachel.

Mr Nos snatches the orb in disgust and says, 'Tormesa.' The light goes out. 'I'm just dumbfounded. That was the worst Tormesa cast I have ever witnessed. Are you sure you're a wizard?'

'Yes,' twitters Peni. 'I think.'

It's Rachel's turn again.

'Tormesa.'

Without warning, sparks fly out of the orb and zap her, making her screech.

It's all right. She's fine.

'This is excruciating to watch,' says Mr Nos.

I take the orb and say the spell.

Guess what happens?

It levitates.

'Are you serious?' I burst out. 'Why's my magic so jumbled?'

This is so frustrating. I hate it here.