Desperado (Agent Severide Book 4)

Chapter 20

Zoey & Kelly's Townhouse, Chicago 

Zoey woke up in her bed with a massive piercing headache as the light shined through the uncovered window. The blonde groaned rolling over when she bumped into something causing her to look at the opposite side of the bed. "Hey," Jay said from next to her causing her to sit up suddenly only to be greeted by a sharp pain in her head. "What happened?" she asked holding her head in her hands. "We didn't hook up if that's what your wondering," the detective said from next to her. 

The blonde sighed looking at the floor in front of her, "Look, Zoey, I'm really sorry- Why did you ask me to marry you if you were already married?" she asked getting straight to the point not wanting to hear empty apologies she wanted answers. She wanted to know how he could do something like that to her. To betray her like that. "Abby and I got married in vegas after one of our platoon members died. We had a few too many and it ended up not going well. I signed divorce papers and we went our separate ways. Abby never filed the papers." He said causing the blonde to look at him. 

Zoey was without a doubt profiling his body language and behaviour trying to see if he was lying to her. He wasn't, "Why didn't you at least tell me you'd been married in the past? I told you about Jack and Grissom and my nightmares I trusted you with the good bad and the ugly and you couldn't even tell me you were married at one point. Why? was it because you think I couldn't handle it or- I'm not proud of who I was back then Zo. I'm not the same person I was when I married Abby. It's not that I didn't think you could handle it, I just don't talk about that part of my life," the detective said sincerely. 

Zoey knew the things he saw over in Afghanistan were hard to witness and that he was still processing what happened and it was difficult for him. In a way, she knew exactly how he felt seeing things nobody could possibly understand and then having to go to sleep at night pretending she was fine. "I get it, Jay, more than you know, I know how hard it is to cope with some of the things you've seen and lived through. That's why I trust you so much, one of the many reasons why I love you. When I wake up terrified and screaming from the memories You get me through it, Jay. You don't have to tell me what happened over there, but I wish you would've trusted me a little more," she said honestly. "I'm sorry for holding things back, I know I don't talk about my time in the Army that much. It's not that I wanna keep anything from you it's just..." The detective paused for a moment. "Look Jay you don't have to talk about it; I'm here if you want to and I'll still love you all the same," Zoey said the words were coming out before she could think about them. 

Jay looked at her sending her a small smile taking her hand in his squeezing it lightly, Zoey leaned over pressing her lips on his feeling the same surge of firework go through her stomach. The detective deepened the kiss causing her heart to start beating faster at his touch. The blonde moved so she was straddling the detective. With a smirk, she pulled her shirt off leaving her in a burgundy lace bra. 

Jay scanned her body as Zoey smirked crashing her lips back on his moving in sync as the detective unhooked her bra tossing the garment to the floor before he flipped them over so he was hovering over her now. The blonde took the hem of his shirt peeling it off him as he paused for a moment looking over the bruises that covered her ribs and torso. A sad look washed over his face, "It looks worse than it is," she said looking into his blueish-green eyes before she pressed her lips on his as her hands travelled to his pants. 

Zoey stood up throwing her clothes back on with a smirk on her face as she took heavy breaths, "So... would you give me another chance?"Jay asked still unsure where they stood. "Yeah but let's hold off on getting married for a bit. I got a lot of stuff I'm sorting through," she suggested as Jay nodded throwing his boxers and pants on before walking over and kissing her. "So what are you up to today?" he asked as she finished getting dressed. "I've been thinking of heading upstate, my dad had a cabin up there that he left Kelly and I. It's on the lake and it's great to sit by the water around this time of year and just drink," she said smiling a bit. 

"Sounds nice," he said pulling a T-shirt on. "If you're not working, you should join me. I um could use the company," she replied tying her hair up as Jay looked at her. "If you want me to," he replied. 

Jay and Zoey drove upstate to her family cabin, the drive took a couple of hours including a stop to pick up alcohol. "Do we really need that much tequila?" Jay asked, "Yes," she replied as his pickup truck pulled up outside the cabin. 

Severide Family Cabin, Upstate Illinois

Zoey hopped out of the truck throwing her duffle bag over her shoulder and carrying the bag full of alcohol bottles. The blonde walked over to the door unlocking it and pushing it open. "I haven't been here since we lost our family," she said softly looking around for a moment before she walked over to the kitchen and put the alcohol down on the counter as Jay shut the door. 

Zoey walked over to Shay's iPod and hit shuffle with a bottle of tequila in her hand. The first song that started to play was 'Just Dance' by Lady Gaga one of her and Shay's favourite songs. The blonde dropped her bag down on the floor cranking the music as she white girl danced to the song while looking at Jay as she took a sip of the tequila from the bottle. 

Zoey sang along to the song singing at Jay who just smiled and laughed a bit at her. He knew it was her way of coping and he was honestly just happy she still wanted to be around him after everything. The blonde walked over taking his hand and he chuckled a little and started dancing around with the blonde and right as the song ended he kissed her. 

The night felt like it was straight from a fairytale, Jay distracted Zoey from all the pain and the memories getting her to laugh and smile all day long until they fell asleep on the pullout couch. The blonde woke up screaming, shaking and sweating watching the nightmare of her father dying repeatedly. 

"Hey, hey it's okay. I got you Zo" Jay said pulling her into his arms as she clung to him crying through shaky breaths, "Deep breaths, that's it," he said talking her through it all until she calmed down. "I'm sorry- It's okay, I get them too sometimes," he said placing a kiss on her head, "We'll get through this together like we always do Zo," Jay said.