scarred wings (l.s.)

one

a/n: before starting the story, here are some trigger warnings in case there's a topic you do not want to read about<3

-mention of abuse/violence

-mention of homophobia

-mention of blood/ scars/ wounds

-(underage) drinking/ excessive drinking

if you have any questions considering those warnings let me know, now have fun reading<3

~~~

I stare at the star I scribbled into my notebook, tracing the lines again and again until I can barely recognize the original shape.

I tear my gaze away from the paper and look at the clock instead. Ten more minutes until I can finally get out, go home and drop onto my couch.

My professor keeps talking but I really can’t concentrate anymore, it’s been too long and the lecture is way too complicated so I don’t even try to follow his words.

“That’s it for today. If any questions appeared during my, I admit it, rather long and boring monologue, don’t be afraid to ask me now.”

I put my notebook back into my backpack and throw it over my shoulder before leaving the auditorium with a tired but relieved smile on my lips.

The hallways are crowded and most people are leaving, it’s already late afternoon. I spot Zayn standing in front of the corkboard, reading over a paper.

“Hi, mate”, I say, bumping my fist into his shoulder softly, “Thinking about joining chess club?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “I think I’d be too lazy as well as too stupid for that. No, just reading this out of boredom, am waiting for Gigi to finish her lecture. We wanted to visit her parents afterwards.”

I grin. “I’m sure you’d make an amazing chess player. Alright, just wanted to step by, we’ll see each other tomorrow then? Still up for going out in the evening?”

“I sure am”, he says, turning away from the board, “Niall is too and I asked Liam to come as well, hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t. He seems like a decent person, wouldn’t mind getting to know him.”

“Alright, I see Gigi over there with the others, I’ll leave you then. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” I smile and watch him join Taylor, Gigi and Liam before I turn around and walk towards the exit.

It’s still pretty cold outside for March so I wrap my arms around myself as I continue walking, regretting I didn't grab my jacket this morning.

I walk a little faster because the wind keeps blowing into my face, probably messing up my hair entirely if it didn’t already look fucked up from the long day.

I pass the bakery I get something to eat at every morning and think about buying my favourite tea before I remember I should probably rather make some at home, considering I didn’t pay the rent for this month yet and there still are twenty days of me having to survive with the money I have left.

It’s not like I didn’t have the money, technically. I could just take it, act like nothing ever happened and use it as if he deserved that satisfaction. I know he’d feel like he won the silent fight we’ve been fighting for years now; know he’d feel as if he fulfilled his role as a father with that.

I pass the bakery without buying anything, instead I keep my eyes on the road, not wanting to look at the boy that’s curled up against the wall of the building, covered by a thin blanket.

Guilt comes over me every time I walk past a homeless person without leaving money there, not since I’d have more then enough money if I just took it from him.

I shake my head as if that’d make my thoughts fly away all at once and concentrate on the traffic light across from me, staring at the red little person, waiting for it to turn green.

It turns green the moment the first drops start falling down from the sky so I walk even faster so it’s a weird mix between running and walking now.

Finally arriving at my door, I rip my keys out of my pocket as if those few seconds I’m saving would change anything about my already drenched clothes.

I push the door open and rescue myself into the dry building, leaving small puddles of water behind me as I walk up the stairs.

I skip the stair that always creaks when you step onto it because the noise makes me aggressive for no specific reason and take the last two steps in one go before finally arriving at my door.

I open it and step inside, trying not to get the whole wooden floor wet. I try to get into the bathroom with as little steps as possible and turn on the water of the shower, sighing relieved as soon as the hot water starts pattering.

~~~

I groan when I hear my alarm and reach out my arm, trying to find my phone with closed eyes, accidentally throwing a book and lamp from my nightstand. They land on the floor with a loud noise what does a better job in waking me up then my alarm did.

I finally get myself to open my eyes and blink rapidly a few times. I take my phone and stop the alarm, groaning in annoyance.

“Fuck”, I mumble and sit up. I rub my eyes and pick up the stuff from the floor before throwing it onto the bed carelessly.

It takes about five minutes before I picked something out to wear, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair in a hurry. I have ten minutes from waking up to leaving the house every morning and it’s not exactly chilled but it leaves more time to sleep and that’s worth it.

I grab an apple from the kitchen counter, stuff it into my backpack, slip into shoes, leaving the flat without a jacket, once again.

I halfway jog, halfway walk to the bakery and smile at the blonde cashier that probably knows my routine better than anyone else by now.

“Hi Casey”, I say and smile, “The usual.”

She nods. “Already prepared. There you go.”

She hands me the bag with my croissant in it and the cup of tea over the counter. I pay and keep the change in my hands. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, have a good day.”

“You too, Louis.”

I walk out of the bakery again and look around, searching for the boy. I spot him a little further, leaning against the wall, hood pulled into his face.

It’s kind of become a tradition. It’s stupid, probably, spending my patiently earned money on this, but I can’t help but feel sorry for him. It’s mostly him, sitting in front of the bakery so I don’t keep the change Casey hands me back every morning.

I throw the few small coins into the cup in front of him and am surprised by his voice, sounding way too young for him to be sitting here.

“Thank you, sir.”

He sounds young, probably younger then me, eighteen maybe and hurt, so vulnerable. A big wave of compassion washes over me when I take my time to properly look at him for the first time.

I can’t see much of his face, he keeps staring at the ground as if he was searching for something, but the way his shoulders lean forward in a protecting motion and he pulled his knees up to his chest makes me wonder how the hell he ended up here, all alone.

“Very welcome”, I mumble, embarrassed because I probably stood there for too long before I walk of.

He doesn’t really leave my mind for the rest of the day. Sure, it’s not like there aren’t thousands of homeless people in this town, but something about the way he acted and talked to me, something about his body language made me want to hug him tight and stop complaining about the few problems I have with my father.

~~~

hiiii,

thanks for reading<3

sorry for any mistakes I might have made, English isn't my first language

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