scarred wings (l.s.)

nineteen

The next two weeks pass fast. I’ve got two upcoming exams by the start of June so I study for them a lot.

I usually didn’t mind studying too much, not on the weekdays. I didn’t really have anything better to do back then.

Now I hate it. I know there’s Harry sitting on the couch, watching TV again, able to keep me company if I didn’t have to sit in my room all day.

He started at the bakery, just this Monday. He said it went well. He’ll try it out for another two weeks but Casey says he’s doing good. I’m proud of him, so, so proud.

He seems lighter. Some days he’s a little sad but he doesn’t cry as much anymore, he laughs more, sometimes he smiles at me without a reason.

I smile at him a lot too. I’m not sure why I smile so much when I’m around him. I suppose he makes me happy. Very happy.

Today is the first Friday in June and I’m done with my two big exams so when I get home, all I want to do is cook a quick meal and fall into bed immediately afterwards.

Turns out I won’t have to cook. It smells like delicious food when I open the door, like tomatoes and vegetables and I hear my stomach grumble loudly.

“Hi, Harry”, I call and take of my shoes. I’m always so excited to see him again.

He’s standing in the kitchen, two plates with self-made pizza in his hands, a big grin on his face. Part of his hair tied up in a tiny bun. Hey, Louis”, he says, “Thought you could use some rest. Made this. Went grocery shopping too. With my money.”

I smile, feeling warmness spread in my chest. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

I want to squeeze the tiny bun on top of his head. He looks so adorable like this.

He places the plates on the table and fills a can with water he puts down as well. He drops onto his chair and makes an inviting gesture, asking me to sit down.

“Looks delicious, thank you, really.”

“You’re welcome.”

He looks so proud and satisfied, so happy and content that I can’t stop staring at his smiling lips, at his glowing eyes. There are little light green sprinkles in the darker green of his eyes and it reminds me a little bit of stars in the night sky.

He’s beautiful when he smiles.
“So good”, I say when I took my first bite.

He smiles, taking a bite as well as if he wanted to check whether what I said was true. He chews slowly, taking his time as always.

“Really?”, he asks.

I nod, twice, just to make sure he gets that I’m being serious.

Some days we talk a lot during our meals, especially when something funny happened at his workplace or at uni.

Some days it’s quiet, we eat in silence, enjoying our food and the others company.

Today it’s weird. It’s quiet, the air isn’t filled with voices and laughter, there’s something else in it. I don’t know what it is that makes us stare at each other while we eat and break out in quiet giggles every now and then.

With nobody have I ever had what I have with Harry. It’s pretty amazing.

When we both finish our pizza, we place the plates in the sink and fall down on the couch lazily. It feels so good, finally sitting down comfortably after such exhausting days. I sigh contently and look at Harry with a smile.

“Best meal I’ve had in weeks”, I say, “Maybe you should become a cook.”

He shrugs, smiling. “Maybe, one day. Why not.”

I smile and he smiles back, dimple in his cheek. The feeling in my tummy is back, strong and tingly. I have to look away from him quickly so it stops.

“How about a romantic comedy?”, he asks, “You like those so much, don’t you?”

I laugh and slap his arm softly. It was meant as a joke.

It’s something I do with my friends when we annoy each other, no one minds and then we all just laugh.

Harry doesn’t laugh.

Not at all. He flinches, moving away immediately, eyes opened wide. He looks scared of me. As if I’d ever really hit him. As if it happened too often already.

He seems to realize I didn’t mean it like that quickly and his facial expression goes back to normal.

“Harry”, is all I can say, “I’m sorry.”

I should have known. I should’ve known that all those scars didn’t come from nothing.

It’s obvious that someone hurt him. Way too often.

He smiles a little, nodding. “Is okay.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He nods again, moving back so our shoulders touch again. “All good. I know you didn’t mean to.”

It feels like a lot, hearing him say that. It at least means that he knows I wouldn’t hurt him, it maybe means he slowly starts to trust me.

We sit there in silence for a few minutes. His shoulder presses into mine in a comforting manner.

I wish I could hurt the person that hurt him. He was just a kid, how could they? I want to protect him from everything. I never want him to be hurt again.

I wonder what that feeling in my chest is. Wonder if that’s what falling feels like. No one ever described it to me.

All I know is that when Taylor looks at Joe, her eyes shine a little like Harry’s when he laughs about my jokes.

And when Liam brushes through Sophia’s hair, all I can think about is doing that to Harry.

When Maya talks about that girl she’s crushing on, she smiles a lot, like when I am around Harry.

I think I’d like falling in love with him.

I imagine he’d be a good person to fall for.

His hand is laying right next to mine.

I brush along his hand with my finger once and softly.

“I’d never hurt you.”

~~~

promise there will be further explanation about Harrys behavior and past soon<3