Levi x Reader Oneshots 2

Bedroom Anxiety (Anxious Levi x Reader)

Author's Note: Hello, lovelies! Just a heads-up, this oneshot discusses sexual things, but it's not steamy, if that makes sense. As the title says, it's more about exploring Levi's anxiety and helping him get over it. Hope you enjoy!

Many people wonder, even just in passing, what Captain Levi would be like in the bedroom. When they dare to imagine, they see someone dominating. Rough. With a deep, seductive voice and a particular skill with bondage. Maybe even a tendency to whisper dirty, degrading things into his partner's ear – things they'd enjoy in the most sinful of ways.

After all, given his controlling, confident demeanor and the frequency with which he deals out physical punishment, it's only natural to assume he'd behave similarly in the bedroom – right?

Except nothing could be farther from the truth.

What the world doesn't know – will never know – is that Levi becomes incredibly shy in romantic situations, and downright anxious in the bedroom. He's never even hinted at that part of himself around others, out of a desire to spare himself the humiliation from those who would exploit such information. But you know.

You find the shyness adorable. Even after you and Levi are together for a substantial amount of time, that shyness fades but never disappears. He's embarrassed by the blushes and the stutters, but once he knows you like such displays, he accepts them. And of course, he knows you'd never tell anyone else, knows he has a safe space with you.

As for the bedroom anxiety...well, you're working on it.

It's going to take time, and patience, but you're willing to give both. You know his hesitations don't stem from anything related to you. Rather, they were born out of cruelties he's either observed or suffered himself. Those experiences left deep scars – the worst kind, the kind you can't see – and he can't help the thoughts his mind jumps to, the ways his body instinctively reacts. Yet, gradually, and with all your love, you're teaching his subconscious to accept new norms.

He worries he's not attractive enough for you. A ridiculous notion – for you and all his admirers throughout the Walls – but a very real concern in his mind. He knows he's small. Deathly pale. With so many scars marking up his skin, some poorly healed, rough and ugly. And the deep, dark circles under his eyes, ever-present after years without proper sleep. He knows he's nowhere near the textbook definition of a desirable man – no, that would be Erwin, who's tall and blond and handsome and all the other things Levi isn't. And because he stands next to Erwin day after day, he can't help but wonder whether you wouldn't prefer someone like that.

He doesn't even feel comfortable being naked by himself – let alone within your view. It's not that he thinks you're judging him. Rather, when he looks in the mirror, or down at his body...he can't look for very long. Before, his body was just a tool to complete a mission or win a fight, so he never cared much about aesthetics. But now that he knows you'll be looking, he finds himself wanting to be attractive for you, and he fears he isn't. After years without sunlight, his body looks unnaturally pale. It's covered in scars and callouses, and it's too compact. He knows muscle is typically seen as desirable, but he's built up so much that it might cross the line into repulsive. In his view, his form is far from presentable – and that goes double for sexual situations. He thinks his body is disgusting, with all its sweat and fluids. Yours, never – your body is a temple, and he gladly falls to his knees in worship. But he just can't view his own body in the same way, can't imagine why you'd want to see and touch him when he's naked, and messy – and he doesn't want to ask that of you.

He has a tendency to ignore his own needs, to tell himself they don't matter, focusing solely on your desires and pleasure. One might think it's the Ackerman instinct to serve, but it's more than that – it's just who Levi is. As heartless as he may seem on the outside, on the inside, he cares deeply for those close to him. Especially you – the most important person in the world, from his perspective – he wants to give you everything. Freedom. Comfort. Pleasure. He sees it as the natural expression of loving someone, and intrinsically, he enjoys it. He enjoys hearing your pleasured sighs, your desperate gasps of right there right there, enjoys seeing your glowing eyes and blissful smile when you look at him afterward. Arousal aside, it warms his heart to know he made you feel good, he did well, he was useful. Not that any of that is necessarily the problem – no. The problem is how guilty he feels whenever you try to focus on him, like he's committing a sin by receiving instead of giving.