shitposting 🪳

oh wowzers

I am coming to the realization that my mental health is steadily declining.

HOW CUTE.

well, not anymore. I think im just at a standstill. I'm not doing great, but I could definitely be better. And as of right now- it's not getting worse, but also not exactly better.

but I've also realized that I should maybe do something about it???

because tbh my grasp on my own mental health has always been really good. I've always had full control over me and my emotions.

this was also because I neglected to face my own problems.

I never was vulnerable. I never had anyone to talk to about my problems. I shut everything behind a brick wall of blank emotions.

but then like I found someone to open up to (lol it's my band teacher and hes the best) but now I feel like that made things worse.

like being open made me aware of the plethora of problems I have regarding mental health and now I actually have to face them, making me not doin good.

so like I feel like I should start hiding those feelings again?

like I know it's "not good" bottling up emotions but id rather have an emotional outburst every few weeks/months than being sad every fucking waking hour.

like pretending I'm happy feels so much fucking better.

AND NOW I SOUND LIKE A DEPRESSED TUMBLER ACCOUNT LMAO.

on a real note- me and vulnerability really do not fucking mix. it makes me feel literally disgusting. so I feel like finding someone thay I could be vulnerable to kinda fucked me up lolz.

happened the last time I found someone to talk to- I became severely depressed for a few months and was not doing good LOLZ #2020core

but yeah. mainly I just gotta work on the mental state. I realized like I should probably work on that and actually make an effort to fix that.

man idek.

maybe it's just the weather. I hate hot weather. all my problems would be fixed if it was cold out.

UGH.