I'm hurt. That's all I can really say.
I guess because I did things a little different.. at least I tried to, but I also ignored a trigger. A trigger that I spoke on and was told initially I was tripping. I let it go, but maybe then I should have walked away. And as I think about it now. He probably didn't even get to know ME because of it.. Only a part of me.
I wanted him to know the one my friends know. The quiet yet quick witted shit talking prankster, that throws in a bar from time to time as a joke. The one who has no problem dancing as if no one else is looking, even though she got moves.
He got a small glimpse but she disappeared, with that one trigger. It was replaced by a part of me that's riddled with insecurities, self doubt, becomes needy and desires reassurance from time to time.
Now, here it is, a month later... with navigating getting to know someone with my anxiety running the show and doubt of his own feelings clouding my mind, he's disappeared. I don't blame him... it's not healthy. Still, it would've been nice to hear... "Hey, I don't think this is going to work." I thought he would've at least given me that...
I'm tired. I'm just tired. I'm tired of hurting myself. I really am...
