Distant Dreams

Sometimes Brownies Are The Answer 18

A/N as always I do not know or own any of the characters involved in this story which is entirely fiction from my own brain. I make no money from this story. Yes the boys are in a dark place but I love a happy ending so keep faith. This chapter does get a little dark so trigger warnings for depression and grief. If you wish to be notified when I update, follow _eyes_wideshut on twitter and I let you know whenever I post a chapter. If you like what I write, please let me know. Now that I have said all that, enjoy!

Chan and Hyunjin were kept extremely busy to not allow them time to reach out to Felix. They did message him when they could but his responses were very short. Over time Hyunjin could feel Felix pulling away and it was stressing him out and making him feel like he was losing his mind. He wanted to dream walk to Felix but it wasn't happening and that was making it worse. Chan was making him eat and sleep normally even though he had no interest. He was becoming prone to random bursts of anger and the slightest thing could set him off these days.

In all honesty, the guys were all feeling the loss of Felix much more than they had imagined. Their morale had dropped completely and their focus was off. It was clearer than ever to all of them that they needed Felix. He made them whole. Though none of them had doubted they wanted him in the group, it was more obvious than ever that he had carved out a place for himself and united them as one. Without Felix, the group no longer felt complete or safe, especially how they were all being kept so busy at varying times that kept them from even comforting each other.

Hyunjin had tried to go visit Felix but security hadn't allowed him to leave. After several days of trying that, Felix told him not to bother trying for a while. Hyunjin felt like Felix had given up. It broke his heart. He saw a few videos posted by fans of Felix meeting when he would be going to dance or language lessons and talking to fans of theirs. He smiled for the fans but his eyes looked dead and emotionless. That smile that usually made his eyes sparkle was forced and stretched and without the sparkle, dark circles present below his eyes.

The rest of the guys took turns going to see Felix at least once a day. The first few days they sat and talked with him and Minho always brought him food and would eat with him. Felix talked to them at first but grew quieter as the days passed. They had all known this was going to be hard, they just hadn't realized how impossible JYP was going to make this. Jisung tried to make him laugh, Seungmin tried to tell him everything that was going on. Minho pushed him to eat. Jeongin and Changbin just sat quietly with him, allowing him the space to talk if he wanted to. While he did at first, as the days passed, he quit talking and pulled further into himself.

Felix felt like he was drowning. Without even realizing it, over the last few months, Hyunjin had become his reason for getting out of bed in the morning. He didn't know how to process all he was feeling. He was barely sleeping, only being overtaken by sleep when completely exhausted and he had no appetite. He pondered giving up and going home often. Maybe they had misunderstood the connection with the dreams. Maybe the dreams weren't actually to bring him to the kids or to Hyunjin, maybe they were only to give him some motivation to start his own career. Or maybe, just maybe, it had been a colossial fuck up to begin with. Maybe Hyunjin was supposed to appear to someone else. Felix was losing sight of himself.

For a week he went to his own dance studio and practiced until he was exhausted but it became painful to hear their voices all day in the music. He gradually stopped checking his phone so often and stopped looking every time he heard the door open. It was never who he wanted it to be. It was never his beautiful prince. His fevered dreams when exhausted, told him repeatedly that knowing them and loving Hyunjin was all his imagination. He texted with Will a bit, catching him up on all that had happened. Will was very sympathetic but eventually asked if he could reach out to some of them about Felix. That was when he realized how worried Will was getting, and so he stopped talking to him as well.